So I'm flying out later today--no more updates for awhile. I really debated about not doing this one, especially since I have to be up at 6 and it's already after 12. I'm not even up to the usual formatting. Sorry. It's still readable. Sorta. If I feel up to it later, I'll repost.

***

I woke up to darkness. Not surprising. I always wake up to darkness. I sat up, slowly, trying to ignore the pulsing pain in my head. “Fuck,” I said or tried to. My throat was hoarse enough that it came out just a noise. I coughed and swallowed, trying to clear it. Someone pressed on my diaphragm, helping me cough, supporting me from behind so I didn’t tumble backwards.
“Here,” Caninus said, handing me a glass of water. I took it greedily, gulping it down. Several swallows later, my throat was finally moist enough to speak.
“What happened?” I looked around, and was gratified to notice that I was in my bedroom. I was happy to see that I wasn’t still in the clothing Foyl had transformed, but I did see it crumpled into a pile near the foot of my bed.
“Do you remember Kael? She attacked you, or you attacked her.”
“She attacked me,” I said, taking another swig to clear my throat. “I was ready to go home for the night.”
He shrugged, “You fought. She bit you.”
“And then I shot her. And passed out. Then…” I was fuzzy on the details. How had he gotten there? How had he known?
My confusion must have been evident on my face. “You passed out and Foyl didn’t know what to do. So he did a spell, drawing whoever would be able to save you.”
“You came,” I said in wonder, brushing hair from his cheek as he leaned over me.
“Of course,” he nodded, a smile playing with the corners of his lips. “You needed me.” His eyes were dark with something I wasn’t sure I could name. Longing in part, but pain. So much dark pain cut through his expression, hidden by his goodwill, that I nearly cried for him.
“What did you do?” I said instead.
He looked uncomfortable. “I…it’s complicated. Basically, I took blood from the wound and added my saliva. It arrested the virus for a time. Then Foyl identified the cells and destroyed them all. Including the ones that came from me, so you’re in no danger.”
“And I fell like shit because?”
He laughed. “She did break two of your ribs. Other than that, we think the damage is nebulous. Sprains and so forth. You look like hell, by the way.” He brushed my hair from my face. “Come on. Let’s get you up.”
I struggled upright and he supported me. “What time is it?” I asked, swinging my feet to the floor slowly so to avoid the dizzy spells.
“About an hour to dawn,” he estimated, helping steady me. “You’ll be alright, but you’ll feel like hell for awhile until your body heals itself some. I’m sure that will be faster, though, than expected. You are an elf, after all.” He smiled and I grinned in return.
“I don’t suppose you or Foyl could find something for me to eat?” I asked hopefully.
“Foyl’s already on it,” Caninus smiled. “Apparently, he’s quite the chef. Never would’ve guessed, but he’s making a tortellini that he says will make you throw out every frozen pizza you’ve got. Personally, I think that’s a threat.”
I laughed loudly. “I hope he knows what he’s doing. The kitchen is in the basement.”
“I showed that to him. He tried to make it in your lab, which I doubt would have been very…edible at all.”
I laughed, rising to my feet. It was too quickly; I stumbled and began to fall. Caninus dove to catch me. He gave me a calculated shove and I landed on the bed, taking him with me. “Sorry,” I said, still a little disoriented. His face was inches above mine, still drowning in anguish and desire. Slowly, I reached my hand up to caress his cheek. “What is it?”
“What do you mean?” he asked, trying to feign nonchalance.
“I mean, you’re pissed. You’re angry at me, or with me or something. Why? What’s under your skin?” I tried to sound kind and supportive—the last thing I wanted was him getting even more pissed because I sound accusatory.
His hands braced on either side of me. “It’s…” he sighed heavily, sorrow winning out against his mask. “You killed them. You killed Keith and Kael, even though they were entirely innocent. You murdered them. I told you to run, I was going to help you gather Alayna and your uncle and cousins and run like hell, somewhere Antoinette’s influence doesn’t reach. But you did it anyway. You played her game. You had an option.”
“Running,” I replied sharply. “Turn tail like a coward and run, putting myself in your care. You know what she would have done to you? She’d have killed you to get the information. And you would have given it to her. Then we’d be where we are now, except you would be dead and Alayna probably would too.”
He cocked an eyebrow in amusement. “That would bother you?”
“Yes, it would bother me! I’m not…” I was about to say ‘a murderer,’ but it tasted false in my mouth and we both knew it. “I’m not that heartless.”
His hands brushed my face tenderly again, and I wondered what the hell I had just invited in. And why I didn’t care anymore. “You can be,” he said softly, lowering his head to mine. But his lips held off. “I can’t.” He pulled away, anguished.
“Wha…?” I replied wittily. I was still too worn out by the incident with Kael to be smart.
“You murdered them. People who I knew and respected died today because of you. You just did Antoinette’s bidding and slaughtered two good people. I can’t…”
I sat up slowly, suppressing the dizziness that came anyway. “Why? Why did she want them dead badly enough to force my hand?”
“She didn’t force you,” he replied bitterly.
I rose a hand, forestalling him. “We’ve argued this. You had a solution, and that is noble. But it is flawed, for which I am sorry. I wish it would work that way, but it didn’t. You would be dead and I would still have killed them.”
“I could handle her,” he argued. “I had a chance to take her down. I could’ve won.”
I grabbed his face roughly between my hands. “A chance,” I repeated. “You had only a chance. You would have died, and it would have been my fault too. Kindly do not ask me to live through that too.”
He stopped, his eyes meeting mine to stare. I could see my silver eyes reflected in the dark green of his, and feel his heart beating oh-so-faintly under my fingers as his face flushed slightly. “You would care?” he asked carefully after a moment.
“Of course,” I replied. “We’ve finished with this topic?” He nodded slowly and I smiled. “Are you going to tell me why she wanted those werewolves dead?”
He shook his head, eyes smiling sadly. “Sorry, Lucifel. I should get back.”
“Bullshit,” I admonished. “And you know it. You can’t make it back in an hour. You’ll be stuck here all day, so you may as well tell me what the hell is going on.”
He huffed a sigh, but his lips smiled slightly at the corners. “Yeah, I know. I was just hoping I could make you not ask. It isn’t…comfortable.”
“Tell me,” I urged.
“You’ve already pegged it, I think. She wants the city. The current pack alpha is old enough that she can kill them off. Keith and Kael weren’t seeking the alpha position, but they were the best equipped to do Antoinette harm. Kael was too given to her passions to be effective and Keith was too secretive to delegate and too squeamish to be able to do the nastiest of tasks himself.” He shook his head sadly. “The other vampires…I’m sure it makes sense why she wants them dead.”
“Why…” I swallowed tightly. “Why does she want the others alive?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Of the five, at least three knew a secret she needed. One…I killed one of them because he would be able to hand me to her fully.”
“What does that mean?” I asked, my eyebrows drawing together tightly. “She’s got something over you already…”
“But she doesn’t know all of it. If she knew everything, she’d be able to use me and…all of my faculties to further her desires. Not a position I fancy.” He shuddered. “If she gets hold of the information from him, there will be one more on your hit list, I guarantee it.”
“Then the others?” I let him drop the subject. He wouldn’t tell me what happened, and I didn’t expect him to.
“One of the others is a bribe for one of the only other master in a hundred miles who might threaten her. The other I’m not certain of. I think he has another secret she’s drooling after.”
I sighed, “I wished there was more you knew. But I’ve got a feeling that’s it.”
He nodded, “Unfortunately. How’re the dizzy spells?”
I shrugged, the effect making the room spin slightly, and I gasped involuntarily. “Noticeable,” I replied after a moment. He laughed and my face flushed. Damn it, I was not weak! I stood up slowly and took a few steps towards the door.
The dizziness subsided after a moment, but flooded back as my knees buckled and I fell to the floor. Almost to the floor, anyway. Caninus caught me before I hit the ground, lifting me up in his arms. I could feel his soft laughter as he held me against his chest. I put my arms around his neck to stabilize my position.
“Too much too soon, meus angelus. You need to learn to tone it down a tad, alright?” he placed me in bed, but neither of us let go right away. Slowly, he slid his arms out from under me, and braced them to either side. Slowly, I let my arms fall as well. “Angelus…” he breathed softly. “Ah, meus angelus…” his head came closer to mine and I let him. Stars help me, I let him. But he stopped just far enough away that I could feel his breath on me, could reach him if I wanted. “Lucifel…” I knew what was coming—accusations, anger, and more about what I had done. So I did something I knew I’d regret. I rose just enough from the bed to kiss him. Not that he resisted; he kissed back with such force that I lay back in the bed, flat, before long. My arms wrapped around him again and pulled him closer. He pulled away to breathe, but went right back to kissing me repeatedly and passionately, down my neck to my collarbone. “Ego diligo vos,” he whispered fiercely, kissing me with alternating ferocity and tenderness. “Ego diligo vos. Ego dilgo vos adeo.” He kissed me on the lips again, fierce and tender at the same time. When he pulled away slowly, I felt a tear drop onto my cheek. But it wasn’t mine. “I can’t,” he whispered. “Lucifel, as you love the light, don’t as this of me. I can’t.”
“Because I killed them,” I replied bitterly. If it was because I let passion take control of me or because he’d pulled away I wasn’t sure.
“Yes. No,” he shook his head in confusion. “Because if I do…” he caressed my cheek lightly, sorrow enveloping him. “If I do, I’ll never stop. I’ll let you in and I’ll compromise everything. And…if I let you in, you won’t want to be near me.”
I caressed his cheek slowly, wiping away the tears that my thumbs caught. “I won’t shove you away, Caninus.”
“You will,” he nodded sadly. “You will because you will have to. I’m no one to accuse you of murder, after all.”
I pulled him by his hair, closer to me. “If you cannot judge me for it, then I cannot judge you. Remember that.”
“It isn’t just that. I’d have to tell you everything. What I’ve done that makes the vampires no longer trust me. Where I’ve fucked up so bad I can hardly tell. Everything.” He shook with fear and the effort of controlling himself. “I let you in, then you’ll know. If you know, you’ll run. And you’ll be right to. I’m a monster after all,” he laughed bitterly.
I kissed him softly. “I’m an elf, Caninus. And a necromage. I’m damned by my own people, it seems, and according to every religion there is. I couldn’t even go to my own mother’s funeral. When Elris dies, I’ll have to stay here. I can call them back to this side, but I can’t say goodbye to them as they wish. The community tolerates me, Caninus. But that’s all.”
He kissed me softly in return. “We’re a right pair of misfits,” he laughed sadly. “I’m so sorry, Lucifel. But…if nothing else, this damns us twice. Antoinette will find out and we’re both fucked, in more ways than one.” He smiled sadly. “Abstinence makes us fonder, patience is a virtue and all that.”
I laughed softly. “Wimp. You just know you couldn’t handle it. It’s alright—I don’t blame you.”
“Thank you, then,” he said, kissing me again, more chastely this time. “I will claim a rain check though, if you’ll let me have it.”
“On one condition,” I said with a smile. “What did you say? When you were kissing me.”
He turned red, and then laughed nervously. “I…I can’t tell you that.”
“You’d die of embarrassment?” I laughed. “Fine, whatever. You’ll have to work twice as hard to woo me in the future thought. Remember that,” I slid away from him before I ruined our chances by giving in to the desire in me. “Foyl’s got to be done by now. Did you want some?”
He shook his head. “The sun is coming up, though. Be sure to close the blinds across the hall, angelus?”
“Of course,” I said, going down the stairs to the basement.
“You’re awake then?” Foyl said with another one of his odd smiles. “The tortellini is almost done.”
“Alright,” I said, sitting at my computer to wait. While he finished up, I tried to find a Latin-to-English translator, but it was a pain in the ass, especially when I didn’t know how to spell what he’d said. After fifteen minutes, I declared it a lost cause and claimed my tortellini. He was right—it was mind bogglingly delicious, although I didn’t want to throw out the pizzas just yet. “Go get some sleep, Foyl,” I said as he hovered near the dishes. “I’ll wash them in the morning. Everybody’s exhausted. Get some sleep.”
“Thanks, Lucifel,” he said with a grin, flying off. I climbed the stairs back to my bedroom and paused after closing the blinds. Did I go in and sleep next to him or remain virtuous?
“You can come in,” he said softly. “I won’t touch you, meus angelus. I swear it. After all, I broke it off if you recall.”
I laughed, opening the door. “I do remember.”
He lay on his side in my bed, looking completely at home. “How was it?” he asked as I shut the door behind me.
I smiled, “Delicious, but I’m not throwing out the pizza. Did you want some now or later?”
He laughed wryly. “Later, angelus, I’m too tired to eat now. But your kindness warms me. If we win out, I swear to you one boon of your choosing.”
“I’ll have to give that some thought,” I smiled, curling into my bed with his arm draped around me oh-so-casually. “Good night.”
He laughed, “It’s supposed to be ‘Good morning,’ love.”
“Whatever.”