Okay so what I'm writing right next is really going to be an overload of too much information so just stop right now if you have no desire to hear about anything menstrual-blood related. I'm just really happy about it for some reason and can't control (nor do I want to control) my personal pride.

I put a tampon in! And it was all good! Actually it was more like "Holy shit, that was super easy!" I really said that in the bathroom stall and everything. I was even surprised. My past attempts have NOT been successful and in fact even a tad mortifying.

I was dreading getting my period during a time when I would have to go to swim class and inevitably use the scary cotton-stick-on-a-string-that-have-the-"Oooh is that a piece of candy?!" wrapping.
Well that day happened yesterday when I was wearing white shorts. (You think Mother Nature has this thing with being all "Oh honey, I'm just so glad that you're not pregnant-" "But I haven't even had-!" "-this month that I just want everyone to know by having you bleed on the day you are wearing a light colored outer clothing item on bottom!") Thankfully I caught it before disaster struck so it was all good but I still think Mama Nature has a strange sense of humor.

Anyhoo after I saw my monthly gift I was like "Shit, I have swimming class tomorrow. Nooo! I have to use a tampon." *images of my past experiences float through my mind* My face: O.O

So I was quite surprised and delighted at my ease with it today. I think for one thing it states that I am more comfortable with my anatomy now. This may seem strange or even irrelevant or something but at the same time it is important to me. I like that I am beginning to finally like my vagina and embrace it. I mean it had been this foreign land of mystery and shame and a thing that was just a monthly pain in the hooter. I mean even the good stuff it can do kind of brought some guilt with it. But in the past year I've started to really come to know it, accept it, be unashamed, all that good stuff you should feel about your body. "Yeah, that thing down there...that vagina...it does good stuff. It's pretty cool. It has some nasty moments but I like it anyway. I know what it's all about. It isn't some scary abyss thing. It isn't just a reproductive organ. It's part of me." I mean outwardly I have always seemed rather body positive and completely comfortable talking body parts. But it wasn't quite as whole as it seemed. There was always a part that was unsure under the surface. That's gone now.

The tampon success was the finally step in a journey of fearlessness, of being comfortable.
Today you could say I have vagina pride. Inner pride mostly because even people at this strange school would look at me weird if I ran around shouting "I PUT A TAMPON IN SUCCESSFULLY AND PAINLESSLY! I WENT SWIMMING ON MY PERIOD FOR THE FIRST TIME! I LOVE MY VAGINA!" Mentally I've been smiling about it all day.

I was also smiling just because I did two widths of no-flotation-device-needed freestyle swimming. Mind you I am still terrible at the other styles. My coordination sucks and I kept touching the bottom so much that my instructor wants to take my toes/feet off and so I get over it and trust the water to hold me but...I'm getting better. It felt good just to non-nervously do two widths of the pool. I have to be patient and trusting at the same time but I'm getting there. Even if I am a doof and am slow at learning with my body and tend to be nervous and scared about hard things....I'm getting there. I will persist until I can get my mind to STFU (Shut The Fuck Up) and relax. It is just going to take time. The little progress I've made feels good.

Peace.
~Lo