Hm...speaking of crushes kept secret from friends for years...

Vicci outted me yesterday night. "Outted you on what, you say? You are a lesbian?"
No, although that question was asked yesterday by a friend who came in with me. My reaction was -blink- -blink- "No..." Awkward and perplexing.

No, I have been outted on my crush on Matt, you know the guy friend of Vicci that I eyeball stalk "for her" and make private whiney noises for every time she tells me something more about him. Yeah, she totally knew all along that I had a crush on him and has apparently wanted Matt and I to be together for a while now. Butt muncher, why can't she have nudged him and not me?! Well perhaps because we are both oblivious people and of the two I probably have an easier time of flirting.
Right. Exactly.
Except for that fact that he is mo-fuggin' intimidating. Mmmhmm, yeah...
"Just talk to him!"
"..."
"He already knows that you are a good person. I told him how I couldn't talk to anyone else when my mom had her heart attack because I knew you would calm me down."
"Great."
"Just be you. He'll love it!"
"How long have you been doing this now?"
-she brushes it aside- "I am so happy with my boyfriend and I want you both to be happy and I think you could make each other happy together."
-me groaning because Vicci really means I should do something and my brain agreeing because it's been nudging me to action lately too and the shy side of me says "NOOOOOOO! Too scary! It's safer as a fantasy! Matt will rip you apart if he rejects you. Rejection. Too scary!-
Vicci again "When I told him that I liked him back a year and a half ago it was to free my mind, to give you the blessing to go after him" -my mind coughs "bullshit" cough- "I really think you two would work. Kiss under the sunset and everything."
"..." -now I shake my middle fingers in the air wishing Vicci could see it. No fun because 1) totally triggered the mushy side of me that makes me feel retarded 2) is she planning the whole romance already 3) I don't really see that happening-

We end up talking about other things but she has no idea how stirred up that got me.

Now that she knows and I have her blessing and all....yeah....I guess I am obligated to make a game plan. It still makes me stamp around impatiently like a child. I know I can do it. I know perfectly well that my flirting game has been in development over the past few years. I mean I think last night at a club meeting I had with Matt I may have even tried some of the flirting with him, at least in the smiling, laughing, and subtle compliment ways. It seemed natural enough in that environment where both of have been in the club for two years plus and it's the relaxed feeling of just knowing that space and each other in that space.
But I'm not sure how to break the ice beyond that club. Vicci acts like it's so easy but this guy is like....a tall foreboding person with the most terribly hunched neck ever. He kind of walks with the turtle neck, you know? Um...anyway... I know he is a good person and that there is a lot under his surface...but even when he is alone it's hard to know how to approach him. Like how the hell do I start a conversation with him without a mediator? Ack. What the heck do I say "So...seen any sexy zombies lately?" "What is your favorite character class in D&D?" "Is that an X on the seat of your pants because you've got some mighty fine booty."
I pass him all the time as it is! It's like every day I pass him or see him in transit on campus. Should I just start doing that like this one guy Cody keeps doing to me and say a pointless "Hi, Matt" or maybe a "Goodday fine sir"? Awkward. I'd be better off with the pirate pick up line.

This sucks.
I have a goal in mind at least that I will attempt to be more friendly before the 24th. By the 24th I will have the gonads to ask him to dance at a dance even if I turn 5 shades each of red, pink and purple. Yeah, that's 15 different colors. Even if he says no I'm trying it. It can't hurt to try at least.

So there. A crush/intrigue of two years...yeah. I need to stop that habit and just make something of it.
So here I go.
Wish my luck in melting the ice (notice I said melting, not breaking. Breaking is a little abrupt).
Maybe I'll start with the secret admirer thing and go 15 different shades as I stick it in campus mail....

Peace
~Lo