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Hello, I am YFAT or Lo. I have been writing on Journal Scape for eight years now, working on my ninth. How the time flies! This journal chronicles my random thoughts, high moments and sometimes low, throughout high school, college, and now beyond, into the world of "adulthood", whatever that means.
2010-08-30 9:35 PM
I am alive!
The beginning of the semester is so nuts.
1) I am thesising this semester which means I get to write a very important 30 page paper on the topic of my choosing. Harder than it sounds.
2) I am madly attempting to revive Sex Collective and so sex no longer has an awkward implication and that people know what we do and what we are about. This means having officers to begin with and promoting ourselves like hell. This is my baby here.
3) I am trying my damnedest to not become overly involved in everything...a hard task for myself, consciously limiting from the beginning. But I need to learn to say no. My classes will keep me busy as is.
4) I will be resisting the urge to miss my Tall Matt. It hasn't even been a week apart yet but mentally I already miss him even though my body continues to hum of the contentment from last seeing him. It really hit me today when I was walking down from Self-Defense and when I would usually pass his dorm window...and it occurred to me that he isn't there and that he won't ever be there again. My eyes and my being felt kind of empty knowing that the magnet of my eyes for the past three years is no longer around.
I still haven't been able to bring myself to walk our route yet. It is one of those things that became sacred to the time and person, which doesn't feel right without him anymore. It's like how sitting on the lawn under the Sycamore at sunset will always always remind me of Josh from my the fall of my Sophomore year- a man who materialized from my dreams and then slipped away like one.
An overriding feeling I have felt about Matt is gratefulness. I felt that a lot in the three and a half weeks I spent with him. I prayed in my own way and really felt the need to convey spiritually to my earth that I was glad for him.
Eventually I will sit down and type up our adventures in Vermont together, but again I have been pressed for time.
Tomorrow I am getting ahead of my homework so I can have the weekend free for my thesis. I am also giving a massage to Jason and getting paid for it. ("Can you fix my back?" "You paying me?" "Er...." "No freebies this year unless you are trading me something or are very very special." "Free coffee for a week?" "Not a coffee fan." "What do you charge?" "$15 for thirty minutes." "Okay, I'll just pay." I love dealing. And then somewhere in there Jason ended up saying "Because you'll decide you love me more than Matt and want to marry me.".... In which case my brain responded "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?" and I only just resisted freaking out externally. Duuuude. Awkward. Who says that shit? And then my friend Brittney, who has already declared him far out of bounds, was flirting with him? I think Jason has some strange penis power. Brittney came to herself afterward and told me to cunt punt her if she ever does that again. I really will.)
Anyhoo I'm going to bed now as I am tiiiiired.
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