Dear drunken Irish-pretender asshat,

Yes, it's a very rockin' concert. Yes, every asswipe in town is pretending to be Irish today. Yes, you've clearly had more than your share of usquebaugh. However...

The average age on this dance floor is easily over 30. The vast majority of us are jovially intoxicated but still able to dance. Not every brilliant Irish-playing band is Flogging Molly or Dropkick Murphys. We all paid the same for our tickets - to see the band, not to tolerate your asshat antics.

That being said, get your sorry, dreadlocked, faux-Irish ass OFF the dance floor and take your lame attempt at a mosh pit over to the college bar where they prefer that sort of shite behavior! I don't need you shoving your 200-lb ape of a friend onto me, I don't care to join your impromptu clumsy violence, and if you fall into my tiny dance space, I will gleefully rabbit-punch your kidneys until you piss blood for a week. You won't know it when I do, you won't remember who or why, but it will be very satisfying all the same.

No love,
The chick who landed one in your kidney