I'm talking about family, of course. The kind we are born/adopted into, and the kind that marries in. In the last 24 hours, there has been a moderate explosion in mine, and a couple of people have been throwing surrepticious thimblefulls of gasoline on the residual fire. The resulting flames, while not big enough to bring the house down, are definitely producing more heat than light.

The childhood years that remained for my younger sister and me, after our brother moved away, while not exactly abusive, were definitely challenging. (See post from Dec 13.) She and I each had our different ways of coping and leaving childhood behind. Mine was to throw myself headlong into getting an education; hers was to get married too young, to man who was not exactly pick of the litter, if you know what I mean. (My apologies to all dogs out there.)

Still, she had two kids with this man, and then faced raising them alone after he ran away with his girlfriend. Her adulthood has been tough. Some of you out there can relate even better than I can, I know. Her kids have been saddled with a very tough childhood. My sister did the best she could, but it has been hard. The kids are left with some residual feelings of not being good enough. The father does not help this, what with the $20,000 in child support arrears he got the judge to reduce to an extra $10 a month. But they are sweet kids. They've had to do more raising up and bolstering of their mama than kids ought to have to.(Again, see Dec. 13 post) I cheer for them when something goes right in their lives--when L gets picked for a fancy auditions-only regional chorus, or J letters in soccer. Those are hard-fought victories for these kids. They have to be "on scholarship" for every activity that they do, and that comes with its own stigma.

My brother "married well" as we say, into a rather large family. His wife is something to watch, all right. The two of them have worked very hard and have been very successful. She worked her way up from stenographer (in the 70's) to secretary-to-the-plant-manager, to director of marketing of a local industry, all without formal higher education, save a secretarial certificate. My brother owns a local franchise of Big Tower company, a store which he has built up from nothing with his own sweat and savvy. In the recent past, he has been Vice-President of Sales for two different custom cabinet companies. All this with only 6 weeks of college!

In my brother's house, excellence is a requirement, not an option. As you would expect, his daughters are bright, successful young women in their own right. The oldest is working as a researcher into the motor effects of brain injury in children at Big Time Midwestern Children's Hospital, while she shops for Clinical Psych doctoral programs. The younger will graduate one whole year early this May from Prestigious Teacher's College, having given up her past three summers to going to summer school and working at her dad's store on weekends. They are terrific young women, and I'm very proud of them.

Then out of the blue...

My brother's wife has decided that after several years of having the Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations at her and my brother's home, having my sister's kids (who are 14 and 17) around is just too much. She thinks that L, at 14, is too jealous of her cousins' successful lives, and that it would be better if only my parents came to the house for family celebrations. Oh, and I'm welcome to drop by, too, if I happen to be in town. (Um...thank you?)

She informed my sister of this decision yesterday morning *in an e-mail*, sent to my sister at work.

I was beside myself with anger yesterday morning when my sister tearfully told me this. Blind with rage, I think they call it.

Rational, Pastoral Cheesehead wants to try to figure out what has happened to my brother's wife to cause this damaging shift in attitude. RPC also wonders if there were years of signs of this coming that I missed because I lived 2,000 away. RPC also recognizes that even if I lived five minutes away from my brother and his wife, I would not be close enough to them to see the clues. I don't really fit into their scheme of things and most days I'm okay with that until she pulls a stunt like this.

Big Sister Cheesehead wants to go kick some butts and take some names. I reacted to the e-mail yesterday, by sending my brother and his wife one of my own, which they interpreted as a thimbleful of gasoline. I asked them to explain what prompted this decision. I did point out their hurtful actions. They have told my sister (via e-mail) that they will under no circumstances discuss any aspect of this with me. Nor will they discuss it any further with my sister, or my parents.

My brother and his wife have drawn a line in the sand, with my sister and me on the other side. All attempts to have dialogue about this have been rebuffed.

This is a painful way to start the new year. Prayers appreciated.