Christopher Barzak

Moving back to http://zakbar.blogspot.com/

czakbar@hotmail.com — Wed, 12 May 04 00:56:00 UT

Okay okay, this pains me to do it, but after talking to my website designer (Hi, Lisa!) I've decided to move back to blogger. Mainly because I'm having a website built, one all to myself, and blogger allows you to feed into another website, and the journal will just appear there, and since I'm moving to Japan, I'm going to want to put pictures of cool things up on the journal, and blogger allows for that. I was going to learn how to do all sorts of html magic this summer, but since I'm going to Japan now, I'm focusing on doing some quick language study. I studied it for a year in highschool in an experimental language learning class that me and two of the other best language learners in my school were picked for, so I have some basics with me still, but I've totally gotta brush up and rememorize my hiragana and katakana at the very least, and refamiliarize myself with vocabulary. It's weird what I remember. Like hana. That's flower. And hebi, I think that's snake. What the hell is up with that?

Anyway, I love you Jenn and Kenny, and if I weren't so code stupid, I would stay here. You've given me a great spot for the very short amount of time I stayed, so thank you for that.

Okay, back to the original Meditations in an Emergency .

conflict, conflict

czakbar@hotmail.com — Mon, 10 May 04 21:22:00 UT

No, not with Japan. With this sudden change blogger has made (probably due to people like me complaining) with their template options and all their cool new toys. Arrgh. Gwenda has already leaped back over, and now I'm considering it too. Damn you, Blogger! Damn you to hell!

Goodbye and Leaving

czakbar@hotmail.com — Sun, 9 May 04 19:11:00 UT

A weird, unexpected turn of events has occurred. In mid-August, I will be leaving America for Japan to teach English forty minutes outside of Tokyo. I just found out the other night, and now as I pack my apartment, I am running around trying to also do all the things I have to do in order to leave the country. I am excited, nervous, and completely happy about all this. I feel like the past few years have been a huge low point in my life, and now the future seems wide open. I will continue to be cautious about all of this until my feet hit Japanese soil. Then I'll know for sure that I've started something new and, hopefully, amazing.

Wish me luck!

Goodbye Without Leaving

czakbar@hotmail.com — Thu, 6 May 04 14:06:00 UT

So slowly but surely I am working myself back into working on revisions on the novel. For the past few days, I've been circling it, only doing very minor things, like line edits people provided, and finding and replacing some words I wanted to weed through. I probably can only do this surface sort of revision of the text for another day, and then I'll dive in to the next step, which is adding in a couple of small scenes and asserting a few things that were a little ambiguous and not meant to be (as opposed to the deliberate ambiguity of other things in the book). Really, it's not much work left, but I think I'm sort of spacing it out, because I love these characters and this book, and I just want to have more time to be with them before I move on to the next one.

In other news, I went out last night to buy a few days worth of groceries and came upon a sale on DVDs, so I bought three. The Shipping News, The Hours, and 28 Days Later. Hobbes and I stayed in bed most of the morning and watched The Shipping News. He has an interest in the scenes where the little girl hears the house talking to her, and the director uses some odd very subtle sound effects to sort of stand in for their communications. I did't really notice the noises all that much until Hobbes perked his ears up and half-stood, thinking he could investigate until he realized it's that damned computer screen that always teases him with noises and flashy things he can never actually grab. He doesn't like The Hours, too boring for him, I think. And he hides during 28 Days Later because I think some of the screaming gets to him.

Yes, I find my cat incredibly interesting. Suffer, fools!

In any case, I'm off to run some errands and work out, and then I've got to really start some packing up here in the apartment. I've loved this place so well the past two years. I'm going to miss it. When I tell myself I have to start packing it up, I end up sitting on my bed or in a chair and saying goodbye to everything, but not packing. This will probably continue until a couple of days before I actually have to leave.

The Voluntary State

czakbar@hotmail.com — Wed, 5 May 04 14:46:00 UT

I am so tired today for some reason. I'm not sure why. In any case, tired it is, and since I've been running on empty since Blue Heaven, grading papers and doing grades and interviewing for jobs immediately after returning, I decided to give myself the day off and sleep in and not feel guilty about it. It sounds like the other Blue Heaveners, well a couple at least who keep journals, have been sleeping some extra time away earlier this week, so I'll do that myself today.

I did get up earlier and read a great story that you all should check out if you already haven't. It's Christopher Rowe's The "Voluntary State", which is at Scifiction. That Ellen Datlow has great taste.

Now it's back to bed with The Jane Austen Book Club!

Strange Appearances and Strange Horizons

czakbar@hotmail.com — Mon, 3 May 04 19:02:00 UT

Short entry, basically to say go to Strange Horizons and read last week's and this week's stories by Barth Anderson and Alan DeNiro, my fellow Ratbastards, who have made two really beautiful stories, Barth's eerie and Alan's surreal poetry. Also in the next issue of Flytrap, fellow Ratbastard Kristin Livdahl will grace the world with "Ginny's Death", beautiful and bittersweet. Don't miss it.

I love these stories, and I love these people.

grades, coffee, beer, jobs, jane

czakbar@hotmail.com — Mon, 3 May 04 17:46:00 UT

Today I graded fifty essays. It wasn't as hard and time consuming as I thought it would be. The first twenty-five I spent at a cafe, drinking coffee. The second twenty-five I spent at a pub, drinking beer. I think the second group mayve made out with the better deal on their grades, but I worked them harder all semester, so perhaps this sort of makes up for the grind I put them through. They were freshman, and I always try to get them really prepped up for the rest of their classes from here on out.

I also interviewed to teach at a local branch of Kent State today. Got the job. So I'll be teaching at two campuses next fall, unless "the universe" provides me with something better. I quote "the universe" because an earth-mother type prof of mine asked what my plans were for next year, and since it seems like nothing is working out for cool "leave Ohio" jobs, she said, "The universe will provide what you need." Of course on a certain level, I believe this. On another level, though, I sort of sneer. When she said this, I sort of looked around and up at the sky, and waited for the universe to provide for me what I really need (which is to get out of Ohio, although heck, if there's any truth to her statement, maybe I'm meant to stay here another year) but no universal gifts were being given that day. Or the day after, or today either. I look at the street people and wonder if the universe is providing what they need too. Although I do try to be positive in general, I really don't think these sorts of ways of thinking actually help our social situations. Instead, I think that line of thinking (the universe, or god, or whatever, will provide) is really a way to excuse ourselves from helping each other out, or figuring out new ways to structure and organize. It's a way of passing the buck, so to speak. It sounds nice and good, and socially we're rewarded for being faithful to some sort of system of belief that comforts us, but ultimately I don't think those systems, nice as they are sometimes, don't always come through, or even rarely come through for certain sectors of our society. In the end, I don't think we can really rely on anything. In my own experience, I've learned to live with the assumption that the sky will fall when it will, and sometimes, oftentimes, we really can't escape the wreckage.

On a more positive note, I picked up Karen Joy Fowler's "The Jane Austen Book Club" this afternoon (after coffee, before beer) and fell in love with the prologue and first chapter. I'm now tearing through it with much fervor and vigor, and with other adjectives and adverbs of that sort. You should all really go out and buy a copy, really, I mean it. It will make you happy, at least while you're reading it, and maybe it will make you happy for a long time after that as well (will keep you updated on this last speculation).

Other than that, I've now got to start working on revisions to the novel and to two stories. I will start with the novel, so I can start sending it out soon. Then the stories. Then the new novel. I need to get lots of writing done this summer, since I'll be teaching a full load between Youngstown State and Kent State next fall.

Home Again

czakbar@hotmail.com — Sun, 2 May 04 23:40:00 UT

Well, I'm home again from Blue Heaven, and already missing everyone. The week went so fast and was filled with much laughter and quipping and good talks and memory making. Chance has a good report of the week, day by day, here . Although she is skewed in some of her reporting (I wasn't checking that waiter out cause he was cute--he wasn't--I was staring because he had this alien chin that compelled me to look at it like a traffic accident). Obviously we have different tastes. ;-)

Anyway, I found out that my book is actually good! I got the stamp of approval from my readers, who are hard critters, which makes me happy because I've worked on this book pretty hard for the past year and a half, and I feel like now I can send it out into agent land. I got some good suggestions for further polishing, but other than that I think I'll be contacting the agents who I've been in touch with this past year or so to send it off to them and see what they think. Hopefully they'll like it as much as my Blue Heaven readers did.

Kelley's Island, where we hold Blue Heaven (in a bed and breakfast called Himmelblau House, German for Blue Heaven) was always beautiful this past week, even when it rained. We had a few good days of fair weather, then a beautiful warm sunny day where Lori and Ben and Paul and Karin and I laid on the lawn and gave each other back rubs. I did yoga, and it was a really great feeling to put myself in those positions surrounded by this vault of nature. The blackbirds with red-tipped tails, all the robins, all the flowers blooming. It was like living in a Monet painting, only not so fuzzy. Lori taught Charlie and Ben some kung fu, then there was wrestling amongst some of the boys, which never occurred last year. More testosterone coursed amongst us this year for some reason.

I'm not so much a stay up all night kind of guy anymore, so I put myself to bed pretty early each night, and lo and behold I had energy the next day, every day, unlike last year, where I was up until all hours it seemed, and slept in all the time. I only slept in twice this year, I think. And that was on days when I wasn't scheduled to critique others. I think the latest I was up this year was 1:30, and that was on our bonfire 80s singalong night, where I somehow ended up being coaxed into doing my three point stance dance yet again. We are all about traditions at Blue Heaven, I guess, cause later on in the week Ben read from Donald Maas' book about being a breakout novelist in his porn voice. Last year he read to us from Kim Stanley Robinson's "Years of Rice and Salt". We also played The Surrealist Oracle again, which actually had several narrative threads going on in it, very dramatic too. I still wonder what will come of the Amber/Roger/Me triangle.

We had good talks about agents and marketing. A different sort of subject matter from last year's sessions, since now most of us have books finished or ready to go out finally, or have sold a book from last year, so I guess the topics will change as our place in the novel writing/publishing process changes as a group.

I'm going to polish "One for Sorrow" further over the next few weeks, send it out to agents, then work on revising a couple of stories that need revising dearly, then begin my next novel.

In a few weeks, I'll be moving home to live with my parents for the summer. This will hopefully help me begin writing the next novel, as it's sort of set on my grandparent's farm (where my whole family lives). I'm hoping that being there will help me remember the rhythms of living in the country again, of all those little differences that begin to crop up as soon as you leave corn country for a city gone bust an hour away. I'm both wary and hopeful about the whole enterprise, so we'll see what happens.

Blue Heaven Update

czakbar@hotmail.com — Wed, 28 Apr 04 16:28:00 UT

Blue Heaven is going great. We just finished the first rounds of critiques this morning, which means the first fifty pages of everyone's novel has been gone over with a fine toothed comb. Tomorrow we begin the full length manuscript critiques. Everyone has two full manuscript readers. Exciting, exciting.

It's a great group this year (though we miss you Jim and Mary, so much). We've had to eat at the Pump twice so far, which isn't too bad, I guess, better than last year. It's a hick bar/diner and everyone stares whenever we come in. They ask if we're the writers on the island and look highly suspicious. One of them looked like Heath Ledger, which was interesting, but the Polish houseboys who were working here last spring are gone, so all the jokes surrounding them are old.

Blue Heaven novelist Cathy Morrison has a story (her first pro publication) up at Scifiction this week. It's hilarious and charming, so go forth and read it! I'm too rushed to do an html link, so just go to scifiction, damnit.

Last year we all had drag names and goddess titles. This year, I brought these silly bags of potatoe chips from Youngstown called Rap Snack, and each one of them has a different rap character on them with a saying, like Ms. Toi tells the reader to respect themselves. Very funny. Anyway, it's set the tone and we are all having our rap names revealed. I'm Fifty-fifty. The others are much more funny, in my opinion. The Notorious Holly H., Sir Talks A Lot, Creamy T, and Lil Puppet, are just a few.

More later. Hope everyone is good.

Really Taking Off

czakbar@hotmail.com — Fri, 23 Apr 04 09:52:00 UT

Okay, I guess that other entry was all about packing and running last minute errands. Now I'm all ready and I still have two hours before I have to leave. I will have to find some way to distract myself. Early isn't always as good as some people think it is.

My cat hates me. I dropped him off at the sitter's yesterday, then came back about six hours later to check on him and he shunned me. I am going to be shunned for several days when I get back, I think. Hopefully he won't hold a grudge forever and ever.

Other than that, got my dad's blazer to drive, since I'm hauling three other people who are coming into Cleveland to go to the island. I love that there is an island in Ohio. That's just beautifully surreal, I think. Anyway, the blazer is a monster. I feel so tall when I'm in it.

Tonight before we leave tomorrow morning for the island, we go to see Rasputina at the Grog Shop, a cool cello goth girl band, and also dinner with the fabulous Maureen McHugh beforehand. Will be nice to chat with her for a bit again. It's been too long. A good nice precursor to a week of criticism.

So, other than this, I've run out of things to say. I'll be back in a little over a week. Everyone be good. See you soon.

A.S. Byatt!!!!

czakbar@hotmail.com — Thu, 22 Apr 04 14:08:00 UT

Haha, I have gotten caught up in asking famous author's questions when they have special interviews online. Recently I did so with Ursula LeGuin, and now today A.S. Byatt was online doing a chat. I asked a question and she answered it! (Only some got through). Here is a link, my question is tagged as a question from Youngstown, Ohio.

And here is just the excerpt of my question, if you're not interested in reading her whole transcript:

Youngstown, Ohio: Ms. Byatt, I adore your work, and recently read the newest collection of stories. One of the things I noticed in this collection is a conversation that seems they all seem to be sharing about fiction and reality. There's an idea in them about what our lives consist of, and what we believe they consist of, and the gap in between. For example, in "Raw Material", the creative writing teacher who says write what you know, and is inundated with therapeutic stories of domestic strife and violence. He's caught up in the elderly woman's story about blacking a stove, but it turns out she in fact has been suffering some sort of domestic violence for years. It seems to be making some sort of comment on the threshold of fiction, and what we allow to come in, and what stays out. What do you think the act of storytelling is for? And why is it important to write stories about storytelling? Do you think, perhaps, that we have lost the sense of its importance in our contemporary culture?

A.S.Byatt: It's a very good question. I think we had lost the sense of the importance of storytelling, and certainly the English novel went through a long period of just describing personal feelings or being symbolic. But I think recently there has been a huge surge of interest in non-realistic storytelling, such as fairy tale or adventures. I admire the work of two young British writers, Lawrence Norfolk and David Mitchell, both of whom are flamboyant master storytellers. It is also true that Freudian psychoanalysis is a form of storytelling. People tell the story of their own lives, including the dreams, in order to understand them. But I am increasingly interested in stories that move beyond one person's experience. I think we had lost those and are getting them back. In England, there is an increasing art of storytelling for children out loud, both old traditional stories and new ones.

And also, in case you don't read the transcript, this was a beautiful question and answer from and for someone else:

Washington, D.C.: A writing instructor once told me we should all "write for the smartest reader we know." And yet your work has been criticized for being too opaque, too erudite. How do you balance the two? Do you have trusted readers you turn to for insight? Or do you write for your smartest reader, and just hope for the best for the rest of us?

A.S.Byatt: My answer to this question has changed over the years. Before I wrote Possession, I was often criticized for being erudite or complicated, and I used to say, I write for myself or for Henry James. I had a very clear idea of the ghost of Henry James as moral support. However, when Possession became a bestseller, I got so many letters from so many kinds of readers that I decided there are readers who can be interested in almost anything--including erudition--as long as you also tell a story. I enjoy meeting readers because writing is very lonely--and I enjoy being alone--but I am constantly amazed to meet people who have read and liked my books.

American editors speak of some imaginary person, The American Reader, who will not understand things. I have formed the view that they are speaking of somebody who would never buy books anyway. America is full of readers of all different sorts who love books in many different ways, and I keep meeting them. And I think editors should look after them, and make less effort to please people who don't actually like books.

Taking Off

czakbar@hotmail.com — Thu, 22 Apr 04 09:18:00 UT

I'll be leaving tomorrow afternoon for Blue Heaven, so I won't be updating this journal for a while. I've got a ton of stuff to do today to get ready. I'm borrowing my dad's blazer so that I can pick up three people in Cleveland on my way. I'm taking Hobbes the cat over to a friend's to be catsitted for the week. Packing. Running around for last minute items. I hate this sort of thing. And then I just know that tonight I will not be able to sleep. I'm never able to sleep before a travel day.

I have one last class to teach tomorrow morning before I leave. Then I'll take off in the early afternoon. Me, Amber, Roger, Chance and Chance's friend from Clarion, Matt, will be going to see Rasputina play in Cleveland tomorrow night, then journeying the rest of the way to Kelleys Island for the workshop on Saturday morning. We expect Ben to do most of the talking on the way, as we're probably going to be way tired from the concert. ;-)

Then it's a week of critiquing and talking and eating wonderful food made for us by Marvin, the bed and breakfast caretaker! Yay! He's the best cook ever!

Anyway, I'm off to start my errand running. If I can manage to get online on the island, maybe I'll write an entry or two from there. If not, see ya in a week!

Stepping Down

czakbar@hotmail.com — Wed, 21 Apr 04 10:36:00 UT

According to the Write Hemisphere, Gardner Dozois is stepping down from editing Asimov's Science Fiction. Interesting. Sheila Williams, who has been his executive editor for the past oh, twenty years or more, will take over, so I don't expect there will be that much of a change when it comes to their editorial styles. I'm sure over the past two decades, they've grown together in likes and dislikes, styles of stories encouraged, etc. So I don't really expect any big changes like everyone did after Gordon Van Gelder took over F&SF.

It's an interesting time in the Science Fiction and Fantasy field. Terri Windling turned over her half of The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror to Gavin Grant and Kelly Link last year. David Pringle just turned over Interzone to Andy Cox. Now Gardner steps down. I wonder what big change will happen next?

Art and Lies

czakbar@hotmail.com — Tue, 20 Apr 04 02:55:00 UT

Here's a good article from the Observer on the success of the novel, The Sleeping Father, by Matthew Sharpe, which was published by Soft Skull Press. A nice insight into the randomity of large publishers and the way that books can sometimes shoot to the top from the bottom, no matter how far down they are on the list in the publishing world.

Also, a fun interview with one of my favorite novelists ever, Jeanette Winterson, who has a new book coming out this month, Lighthousekeeping. People either love or hate Winterson. I rarely meet anyone who's read her and is in the middle. A few years ago, my friend Jenna and I talked passionately about her all the time, and were collecting quotes from various of her books, thinking about making a collage out of them somehow. I should do that still. In any case, I love Winterson because she tells the truth. Or at least her truth is most often a truth that resonates with me. When I was seventeen, I bought her book, Sexing the Cherry, because the cover (Vintage's edition from the 90s) was so full of adventure and surreality. I read the first few pages and had never encountered a book like it. I took the book to the lake in my hometown every day for a month that summer, working my way through it while stretched out on the dock. I had no clue what the book was about, what to make of it, but I was compelled to read it, like reading a magical tome written in a language that was somehow made out of words I could recognize, but the patterns of narrative were all very foreign to me. After I finished it, exhilarated but still clueless, I read it again. And again. I've probably read the book eight or nine times by now, and I learn something new from it each time. I've also read all her other books, and hold them close to my heart. Her world, familiar yet strange, has become a home for me in dark times. And in this interview, she manages to say a few things that cut deep, although sometimes you never manage to realize you've been cut until a long time later, and after real consideration.

Got Literature?

czakbar@hotmail.com — Mon, 19 Apr 04 18:28:00 UT

Ran across this article on why libraries don't buy literary magazines. It offers some suggestions on how to get them to do so. And if we could accomplish that, then maybe we could keep a few of those really great magazines on the shelves that always seem to go out of business.