Housewife

This terms offends me on so many levels I don’t even know where to start. I hate the term “wife” anyway--belonging to and subservient to a man; no identity outside of your relationship to a man; conventional; approved by the state and religious institutions, and then add in “house” as in you are married to the laundry and the dusting. I’m almost used to all those feminists reclaiming “grrl,” but I just I just can’t reclaim this term.

And besides, it would be a big lie. A housewife does the shopping, the laundry, and the dishes. She cooks. She cleans. She picks up her husband’s dirty socks. She does not let her tea mugs sit beside her desk until they get moldy. Judy Brady may want a wife, especially a housewife; she wouldn’t want me.

Stay at home mom

Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! From the women-should-be-working side it’s like, ok, you want to have a career, we’ll give it a cute name and pretend what you do is work but really we are all sneering at you behind your back. From the women-should-stay-home-with-their-kids side it’s like we’re better than you are nya, nya. It’s the current term for housewife, and I’m not too comfortable with it. And to all my friends using the term, help me get over my attitude. I love you, I respect you, what does this term mean to you?

On maternity leave

As in, I’ll get back to being a real person soon. I got permission to do this. See, my boss, I have a boss, signed off.

Working part-time from home

This is accurate and it lets me save some face with the folks that don’t believe women should opt out of the workforce, but it kind of ignores the other 22 hours of my day. Oh yes, I’m a freelance writer and a project manager. I won’t mention the diapers I changed today, the temper tantrums I averted or how I put my back out carrying the stroller down the stairs.

Mini-van driver

I always want to burst into song when I talk about the mini-van. I know tons of women wouldn’t be caught dead in a mini-van—it’s way too domestic and carpool driver. But I love carpooling, and anyway I always let my sister drive. I love getting out my house and going to the pool or the park with my sister and the gang.

At home

This is my current fave. It conjures up images from Regency romance novels, “The lady of the house is ‘at home;’ she’ll see you in the drawing room.” It has power too because, of course, she could choose not be “at home” to you.

But Regency fantasies aside, it also reflects how I feel, like I didn’t plan this, but suddenly I found myself at home—a magic kingdom I’ve been allowed to enter. I usually say, “I’m at home with them,” and point to the baby strapped to my chest and the girl grinning from the top of the slide.