Dickie Cronkite

The Friday Stun

Fri, 13 Jun 08 14:21:00 UT

I'm off today since I work the Sat shift tomorrow. Between last night's Laker Shakespearean catastrophe and Russert's shocking, untimely death this morning, I'm walking around in a daze. It's like a kick to the groin that puts you on the floor, followed by a sharp kick to the stomach for good measure.

Right now I'm watching Olbermann try to keep it together on MSNBC. He's barely making eye contact with the camera, like the news is just sinking in emotionally.

On media, as I just wrote Frosty, you don't realize how much better Russert was than all those douchebag partisan cable talking heads until he unfairly drops dead of a heart attack. Our thoughts are with his family, obviously, but my thoughts are also with the looming general election.

Who fills Russert's Meet the Press shoes on such short notice? Who ascends? Chris Matthews?? There was a great NY Times profile of Matthews a few weeks ago that subtly drew a contrast between the two men, and made clear that Russert didn't like Matthews' "circus-like" atmosphere. (Coincidentally, since that piece ran Hardball has started a new "Political Sideshow" segment, complete with carnival music playing in the background.)

Let this day be known as the Friday Stun.

Living history.

Tue, 3 Jun 08 17:19:00 UT

'Thought I'd awake from my extended blog coma just for a sec, to mark this week's historic, extraordinary events:

Tuesday, May 27: NBA referee Joey Crawford declines to call a last-second bump by Laker Legend Derek Fisher on spur Brent something-or-other. "Barry," I think. Barry did not shoot through the bump and instead drove around Fisher to attempt a fresh shot, making the refs reluctant to decide the game with a foul call.

Outraged spurs fans immediately whined and cried and screamed "NBA conspiracy" - and completely disregarded that the refs had gifted the spurs with the ball via blown shot-clock call on the previous play.

(Dickie then made this point on San Antonio's news Web site, drawing the spite and ire of thousands of Texans.)

Saturday, May 31: Clinton consiglieri Harold Ickes leads bellows of outrage among Hillary supporters on the Dems rules committee during a contentious meeting. He suggests the committee stole delegates from his candidates and adds she "reserves the right" to postpone the dispute all the way to the Denver convention.

Ickes et all., of course, completely disregarded that the Michigan and Florida primaries were deeply-flawed clusterfucks, with key variables such as, say, her opponent not being on the ballot, screwing up the final tallies.

Friday, May 30: After Your Los Angeles Lakers storm back from a 17-point lead by the veteran, aging spurs - outplaying them in the fourth and taking the series 4-1, the Hated Celtics clinch their series against the Pistons.

The move awakens the biggest rivalry Pro Basketball has ever known - and I am 10 years old again and giggling like a schoolgirl.

Tuesday, June 3: Sen. Barack Obama, who launched his White House bid about 15 months ago in the face of long odds against a well-tuned Clinton machine, (finally) clinches the Democratic presidential nomination.

The move makes him the first bi-racial African American in the nation's history to be nominated for president - and I get goosebumps watching the pre-rally coverage in Minneapolis.

When Pigs Fly.

Wed, 30 Apr 08 08:37:00 UT

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking.
--Dark Side

I would like to personally thank Roger Waters for one of the most entertaining Monday/Tuesday work day combos I've had in a long time.

Nameless can tell you how I was griping to her on the phone Sunday night, dreading the work week. It was looking dead in my neck of the woods. Nothing on tap to report.

Meanwhile, as I griped, about 20 miles away it was snowing Obama fliers.

And then, yesterday, it got even better. (Which one's Pink?) You can't make stuff like that up - it just writes itself. I had so much fun...so again thank you, Roger Waters! I've always been a big Floyd fan, now even more so.

Good thing this didn't happen in Indiana or North Carolina - Obama's already having (yet another) grueling week on the campaign trail. Frickin' Wright. File him under "With Friends Like These." I think Obama's doing a stand-up job handling the situation. Still, this thing spells trouble less than a week from the latest primaries. I wish it didn't - I wish voters and the media could all focus on what's really important. In a perfect world, I guess.

(And no, I wasn't there on Sunday for Waters' Coachella set but I did catch Prince on Saturday - hands down the best Coachella performance I've ever seen. I mean, he just arrived and blew everyone away with covers of Radiohead's "Creep" and the Beatles' "Come Together" (tacitly calling for the Dems to stop fighting) and claimed the festival for his own. Prince defies description. If you weren't there, frankly, you suck and I want to have nothing to do with you. Alright maybe that's an exaggeration. But not by much.)

I heart.

Wed, 9 Apr 08 23:32:00 UT

You guessed it - Huckabee.

Spent about twenty minutes of face time with the Huckster on Tuesday. So allow me a few Sullivan/Yglesias-esque observations:

Geez, Huckabee sure can work a crowd. Likeable, disarming in that "aw shucks" sorta way - reminiscent of his upbeat Iowa victory speech. It dawned on me that he was, in some ways, the uplifting Obama-type of the Republican presidential field. But their side went with the "experience" guy over feel-good candidate. So of course I posed my insta-theory to Huckabee during the interview. I don't exactly think he bought it, nor was he thrilled to be the "speech guy." Woops.
Huck says he buys the "Dems are tearing themselves apart and helping McCain" theory over the "Dems are helping themselves with all these new registered voters" theory. And you're not gonna believe this, but he thinks Hillary should stay in the race.
Yes, that's really cynical of me. Actually, I felt there was a part of him that truly did empathize with her. He's the only other American who knows what it's like to come in second in this race. (Or at least, finish second-to-last, right?) I asked him about his mindset in those last couple of weeks when it was basically over - and you could tell it was a still a bit too soon. You could see a lingering trace of disappointment in his eyes. That, to me, was the most interesting and revealing part of the talk.
Remember, he lost 110 pounds after doctors diagnosed him with type-2 diabetes and healthcare is one of, if not thee top Huckabee issue. Start stressing the importance of diet and exercise to kids - show just how unhealthy junk and fast food is - really make this a shift in culture like we've done to help ostracize smoking. The costs to treat chronic disease later in life will plummet and that'll go a long way to solving the health care crisis. I never thought I'd say this, but I totally agree with Mike Huckabee.
But sadly, there we part ways: He uses that thinking to reject universal healthcare. There's no incentive, he said, for people to live healthier if they're not personally affected by the added health costs. Makes logical sense, I guess, but still not based on Planet Reality. Americans can't afford the initial $300 bill as it is, let alone the $30,000 bill when their health takes a real dive. And being able to afford an initial checkup seems just as important as a healthier lifestyle. (Trust me, I'm a doctor.)
Also, he doesn't think government should play a big role in this culture change for healthier lifestyles. Who, then? The parents you're trying to override? I asked him, and "marketing" was the best vague answer he came up with. I kinda expected more; then again, John McCain still doesn't know the difference between Shiite militias and Al Qaeda.
Now whenever Nameless argues that Hillary should stay in the race I can yell "No! Mike Huckabee told me so!" If that doesn't shoot down her argument, nothing will.
I wanted to ask, "How hard, exactly, does Chuck Norris kick ass?" but decided against it. That will forever remain my principal regret in life.

When the moment is right.

Wed, 2 Apr 08 00:49:00 UT

Tonight I'm not ranting about Georgetown losing to Davidson, all the subsequent "Davidson vs. Goliath" cliched hype even though they came two possessions short of the Final Four, the fact that Del Curry's kid prevented me from openly mocking Smashtar when the Hoyas inevitably woulda beat the beavers er "Badgers" in the next round, or how the few people who had the temerity to rub salt in the wound coincidentally never attended a basketball school.

I'm not ranting about how Blue & Gray isn't grooming his newborn daughter to be a Rock Band drummer extraordinaire so that I can call her "Cecilia E," because Lights in her post-birthing stupor won't allow a drum kit in the living room.

I'm not ranting about how the Dodgers blew their 50th anniversary game at the Coliseum by losing to the Red Sox on a surreal 200-ft. left field, or how the vendors ran out of Dodger Dogs forcing us to settle for $10 MGD for sustenance. (Because they took the opening series against the Giants.)

I'm not ranting about the Democrats' ongoing "jaws of victory" strategy, Obama's woeful bowling skills, Clinton's cryptic comments on the independence of pledged delegates that got buried beneath the whole Bosnia gaffe, or Frosty's usual crotchety curmodgeonly blather about how the whole system frickin sucks, man. ("Blegh!")

No, tonight, after a long day of work capped in front of the boob tube - I'm gonna go after those weird Cialis commercials.

What the fuck?

Do all couples get matching outdoor bathtubs once they get their AARP subscriptions? Some rite of passage you never hear about? (And maybe if they settled on one tub they wouldn't need the Cialis.)

When I'm crowned Benevolent Supreme Dictator all these creepy prescription drug and online dating ads are gonna be the first to go, followed by drivers licenses for people older than 63, followed by oil company public service spots about how they're part of the solution.

MoveOn.ob

Tue, 18 Mar 08 22:53:00 UT

Streaming Obama's big speech today, one of the great underrated sports movies of the last 10 years came to mind - Finding Forrester.

There's a great scene where Jamal, the basketball/writing phenom gets in an on-court fight with his teammate-rival. Their coach then has them duel at the free throw line until one misses, but they each make 50 shots in a row. They simply refuse to lose to one another. The coach goes, "That is the gutsiest thing I have ever seen on a basketball court."

Obama's speech was frank, personal, historical, nuanced, unflinching, courageous - yet graceful. It just rang true.

When you think about it, it shouldn't be the gutsiest speech I have ever heard from a viable presidential candidate. But it was. The guy just continues to impress.

I know he has close ties to the former pastor, but I don't think it's fair this story gets repeated in news cycle after news cycle - feeding off its own hype. Tonight CNN had some report of the highest douchebaggery on the "fiery" preaching in black churches and characterized the Wright issue as a potentially "mortal" blow to the Obama candidacy.

Jesus Fricking Christ. Like Wolf Blitzer never had some close friends with kooky political views. Like, maybe they believed in being extra shaggy, or something.

Maybe the whole pastor thing is overblown. Maybe it's unfair. But maybe all the overhype is good news for Obama, too: Perhaps it's a rite of passage.

I mean, the media always seems to give extra scrutiny to the front-runner, doesn't it? It's not like they put Bill Richardson or Joe Biden or Dodd under some thick national microscope before those guys eventually dropped out, did they? If the national media still put equal stock in Hillary's candidacy, wouldn't they be devoting equal attention to her tax returns? In a weird way maybe it sets Obama apart from Hillary as the eventual nominee. Perhaps the Texas/Ohio hype has calmed down and the delegate math is slowly sinking in.

Then again, maybe that's wishful thinking.

Whatever the case, I appreciated Barack's candor today. Honestly, I can go days where I forget I come from two very different backgrounds. Then, someone asks if I'm Italian, Mexican - or I'm in Venezuela and they recognize I'm not Latino and just ask, "Arabe"?

Or, I listen to Barack talk about finding identity in trying to bridge the divide between friends and family and know exactly what he means. There's a reason I feel so strongly about this candidacy.

And the more I think on it, I can then totally see why women feel so strongly about Hillary, even if she sorta sucks in that tired power-hungry Clinton way, you know? And I think that's a great back-handed compliment to close on this evening.

Garcon, more wine!

Tapped out.

Mon, 10 Mar 08 20:44:00 UT

Twas with a heavy heart that I and approximately 16 other fans across the nation last nite bid permanent adieu to The Wire - arguably the greatest series produced for American TV.

It hit home hard when the credits ended and there was no Lt. Daniels voice booming, "Next time - on The Wire." There won't ever be a next time on The Wire, and that's tremendously sad.

But goddamn if Eliot Spitzer didn't give The Wire the perfect day-after coda. The perfect remedy for a post-Wire hangover. Exposed in a prostitution ring, via Federal wiretap. I mean, if that's not Tommy frickin Carcetti ...

It reminds that all the corruption, the hypocrisy, the institutional dysfunction - David Simon wasn't exactly pulling it out of the air. Just a brilliant show.

That said, we had huge expectations for Season Five and I think it fell a little short. Not entirely Simon's & Co's fault - HBO only gave them 10 episodes to work with this year so they had to squash more into less space.

And how fitting - "More with Less" has always been central to The Wire.

It's Bubbles selling tee shirts out of a "Bubbles' Depot" shopping cart, Bunny Colvin's "Hamsterdam" approach to the drug war. Mr. Prezbo trying to teach instead of just train kids to take a test, McNulty's crackpot scheme to get the bosses to "turn on the faucet" for adequate cops funding, Tribune scuttling their international news bureaus.

In all, the show posed a grim truth: The American city is foundering. But where The Wire entertained was the creative solutions its characters devised to keep their ships afloat.

Here's the thing, though. Season Five was supposed to tell us something profound about the media and its mounting woes, but the "More with Less" theme was strangely peripheral - even lacking. About three or four episodes in, an editor gets up on a chair and announces some bureaus are closing overseas - and that's about it. Simon uses the rest of the Season Five media storyline to grind an axe.

It's a tale that mirrors Simon's specific frustrations as a journalist 10 years ago - when apparently the Baltimore Sun had its own Jayson Blair and rather than fire the fabulist the Sun's Pulitzer-seeking editors defended him at every turn. It sounds awful. If I were Simon I'd still be fuming all these years later too.

But is that the bigger problem with today's media? That newsrooms are overrun with over-the-top pathological Jayson Blairs? I don't think so. But I think Simon simply couldn't help himself. Rather than examine the fundamental problems - as he and the writers did with each of The Wire's other failing institutions - he uses the TV show to cash in on that deep, festering grudge against his former bosses, Marimow and Carroll.

You knew he probably had good reason, but you still felt a little for Marimow and Carroll. They might've been bad, but there's no way they were as bumbling and idiotic as Simon portrayed them.

Editors are definitely about chasing awards, and that does impact coverage and priorities. It's something I've quietly observed in my short career so far, so he's on to something there. But still, I don't need to see Jayson Blair. Instead, I want to see how the budget cuts play out in the newsroom. I want to see reporters chasing in-depth stories while getting reprimanded for not posting daily quick-hits online. I want to see the effect it has on the coverage, the context - the perspective.

I guess I'll have to wait for the next great show to tackle that one. Simon exited the newsroom just as the media Web sites were taking off. Still, couldn't he have asked around?

Anyhow - no need to lay it on thick. I only analyze because this show is so incredibly wonderful and amazing and important. You talk about it like you'd discuss which of your favorite superheroes would win in a fight and why. For all of Season Five's flaws, The Wire still easily laps 98 percent of the shows out there.

(And I'll take its series-ender over The Sopranos' pretentious Journey bullcrap any day of the week. Although I think Six Feet Under still wins for best closing montage.)

And I'm sorry, I can't help it - I just gotta point it out. Barack's favorite show? You guessed it - The Wire.

Hillary's?

....

American Idol.

From the jaws of victory.

Wed, 5 Mar 08 01:32:00 UT

*sigh*

At least the Lakers beat the Kings, right? I guess it was too much to ask for one more "W" on the evening.

After tonight (and I'm sipping on Maker's, so take this as you will) I seriously worry whether either one can beat McCain come November.

Think about it: Hillary's red phone has bloodied Obama seemingly beyond repair. And now we can look forward to several more months of the same before he would limp to the nomination. On the flip side, what happens if Hillary manages to convince the superdelegates to nominate her over the popular vote? She's a divisive national figure as it is...

It's starting to feel like a no-win. Meanwhile McCain sits back in his senior-living community. He watches. He prepares. He cleans his dentures. If I'm McCain I'm stoked.

What a fucking nightmare scenario.

Only the Democrats.

You can blame Hillary and her appalling win-at-all-costs tenacity. You can also blame a glass-jawed Obama for stumbling at the finish. Sure, he made up a lot of ground in the Ohio and Texas polls - and I don't think the pundits are gonna give the credit he deserves for that. But Obama didn't seal the deal with a knockout punch, either. Each has what the other lacks.

One observation I haven't seen yet on the blogs or news sites tonight: Bill was nowhere in sight at Hillary's speech in Ohio. I mean, think about that. Our last Democratic POTUS. Two terms. The last significant Democratic leader. The name, the legacy - the White House experience you're running on. Nowhere. I understand the low profile on the campaign trail, but the huge triumphant victory speech?

In any case, I think it's time to tune out CNN, MSNBC and all the political blogs until June. Yes I can...

You had me at "community organizer."

Fri, 15 Feb 08 14:27:00 UT

Really sound letter posted on the LA Times Web site today, that I think I can get behind even with just a quick read during my lunch break. Particularly:

"I believe you are close on major policy issues but far apart on fundamental principles: executive power, financial transparency and ethics, philosophy of foreign diplomacy [blah blah] ... and a perspective that comes from community organizing rather than from corporate power and insider politics."

Anyways, check it out...

Not for attribution.

Thu, 14 Feb 08 01:38:00 UT

Potential 2008 Employer: "Please list your reporting skills."

David Spett: "Well, I took the dean of my J-school school to task for questionable anonymous sourcing. The sources' quotes neatly served the dean's agenda. The dean, who leads one of the premiere programs in the country, told me he couldn't remember where he got the quotes."

The legacy of Lavine gets stranger and more embarrassing, making its way to the Poynter home page. This is just unbelievable. Do you know how hard it is to get an anonymous quote in a newspaper?? And this guy, he just ... Christ, I'm done. Time for drink no. 3.

The best part is a journalism faculty so marginalized it's scared to be quoted while the journalism student reminds what it means to speak to speak truth to power. (Of course, Spett probably doesn't have a family to support or a mortgage, either....)

I'd be remiss not to give a cross-world shoutout to Caiburo. As this Chicago Reader media bite points out he helped publicize these troubling events ever since we finished our time abroad - and graduated in the nick of time.

Medill 80, represent!

Snow day.

Tue, 12 Feb 08 11:15:00 UT

To be filed under "Careful What You Wish For": Nameless enjoys playing Xbox 360 so much that she's become a junkie and demanded I lend her my console this week to practice Rock Band. That leaves time for more riveting posts like this.

So I covered the latest lecture series event on Sunday, with former Bush spokesperson Tony Snow. It was an evening event, so no rush to get to the office early ... until I get a call from the lecture organizer asking if my editors told me they've arranged a one-on-one with Snow and oh by the way it starts in an hour. (!)

It went pretty smoothly, though. When we sat down I realized Snow's a talker (duh) and could go on forever, so it actually turned into a pretty interesting conversation. I questioned, I reasoned, but I did not debate ... tempting though it was. Not my job. But Snow said some pretty outrageous things.

I've been fortunate to chat with a couple of people pretty close to Bush now, and it seems the closer you get to the president's inner circle, the more blindingly optimistic the officials get. That, friends, is not a good sign.

Speaking of bad signs: Your Georgetown Hoyas may be atop the Big East, one of the nation's top two conferences, but they've been lucky to escape with a win during a handful of games this season. The latest, a controversial foul called on Villanova last night with a tenth of a second left.

We're really good, but we're also really lucky - everybody in the BE will be gunning for us, now. We're the establishment.

As I just told Dewey and B&G, The Hoyas are turning into Hillary Clinton. (*ducking*)

The team's showing troubling signs of weakness, but at the same time they're "battle-tested," "vetted on the national stage," "battle-scarred" - as the distinguished senator from NY likes to pitch to the public.

Super Wednesday.

Wed, 6 Feb 08 18:21:00 UT

Look, both sides are gonna claim victory out of Super Wednesday but in the end only one prevails:

The Phoenix Suns.

I gotta hand it to them - a brilliant counter trade to the Lakers' landscape-changing Pao Gasol grab. Sure, Miami unloaded a rapidly fading Shaq from their stunningly under-achieving team. A shell of his formal Diesel-ness. But can you imagine a Kobe v. Shaq Western Conference Semis? You don't think Shaq has a slight chip on his shoulder that might affect his game? You really don't think he's playing through the busted knees, back and toe like a troubled WWE Wrestler loaded on roids? Good lord.

One thing is clear: The Western Conference favorite won't be known for another few months.

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Yesterday I learned a fun little fact on the fly: You can vote provisionally, but you cannot vote provisionally in another county, even in a state primary. Whoops. As you can imagine, I shared a delightful, hearty laugh with the local poll worker over that bit of news. Hilarious!

Here's the thing, though: Instead of grumbling off to work, I decided to do something nuts. I took a personal day, got in my car and drove two hours to God's Country West to my registered polling area. Guess I couldn't bear the thought of missing out on California's first decisive primary in ages. And yes, I am aware that I'm a huge dork. It couldn't have been a worse work day to miss, too. But I did it. On the drive in, 'kept listening to reports of the record 8.9 million expected to vote. No shit.

Some observations:

Of course, Obama then proceeded to get trounced out here. I told Nameless to tell all her people to vote for Obama but I guess she didn't listen. Obama's biggest weakness isn't the experience factor. It's his inability to reach the Hispanics - the emerging U.S. ethnic power.
That said, if he manages to beat Hillary in the primary I think they'd go his way over McCain. Obama's got a hell of an independent coalition waiting for him if he gets out of this round. I don't think the Repubs are playing mind-games when they publicly pray for Hillary in November. She packs more partisan baggage than Imelda Marcos packs shoes.
This is turning into the Democratic Civil War of 2008 - hopefully it doesn't do serious damage in an election that's the Dem's to lose.
I love how Planet Clinton dismisses Planet Obama as foolish, naive and unrealistic. (I'll give them that the whole "Yes We Can" thing is getting old quick.) But then they cheer Hillary with a straight face as she suddenly declares she's running against the "establishment" candidate. Wha...?
Yes, Obama trounced Hillary in January fundraising. That doesn't make him "establishment." That makes him popular. Hillary loaned herself $5 million because she "believes in (her) campaign." That's great to hear.
Caroline Kennedy endorsed Obama in the NYT with an editorial entitled "A President Like My Father." Hillary, not to be outdone, had other Kennedy's endorse her in the LA Times editorial the next day. It was called "Kennedys for Hillary." This sums up the Hillary problem, in a nutshell.
Really interesting essay posted on Slate today from an outspoken 70s feminist chastising the non-Hillary vote as "sociopathic women-hating." As you can imagine, it turns into an ugly, angry rant pretty fast. Women "letting history pass them by" because there are still plenty of sexist assholes out there, because "babies are ...drowned, or suffocated, or their spines broken because they are born girls." It really brings out the worst in what should be a great moment in U.S. history. And didn't Gloria Steinem play this card a few weeks ago? Interestingly, the essay begins with "During my decades in civil-rights, anti-war, and contemporary womenâs movements..." But the author doesn't even mention Hillary's Iraq vote. Hm.
OK, sure. So there are fringe voters in every campaign. What makes this essay interesting? Apparently Chelsea's asking people to pass it around.
If the Clinton machine wins I'll be disappointed. But then I've decided I'll happily cast my vote to help make history and elect the first female U.S. President. I'd like to see the feminazi above wrap her head around that one. So enough party infighting for tonight.
How bout McCain? Back in J-School I had to cover a Senate Committee on Indian Affairs hearing that McCain chaired. I was a few minutes late and tried somewhat unsuccessfully to enter discretely. McCain and I briefly made eye contact and he totally gave me the stinkeye. Seriously, screw that dude - no way he'd get my vote.
If Hillary's the nominee, let's hope McCain's given a lot of U.S. voters the stinkeye...

"Obama is a pimp."

Mon, 4 Feb 08 16:41:00 UT

In alma-mater-related news, check out this mildly funny confessional posted on Slate today. Left me proud of the student body that surrounds him. *whiff* *nostalgia* College sure is a dope place to be during a presidential election. In other news, I am fat and old. Thank you.

Orange crushed.

Tue, 22 Jan 08 10:51:00 UT

Several talking heads have pointed out that the Wire's anticipated fictionalized newsroom downsizing plotline landed the same day the God's Country Times announced yet another editor was being let go for not sufficiently gutting the staff to produce larger profits.

I had my own funny micro-story today about the direction of things.

Call it a slow news day Monday - I'd forgotten City Hall would be closed for MLK so that put a ruffle in plans and I had to switch up. 'Got a message from a local resident about her backyard tree sprouting freakishly large oranges. Semi-interesting...but news? I asked my coworker what she thought, interrupting her train of thought as she worked on a front-page story about east-valley home foreclosures.

"Cool! Check it out."

So I visit the home and sho' nuff the tree is growing mutant oranges about two feet in circumference. There's probably a perfectly natural explanation for it, but neither of us know. I stop by a local nursery and a guy there offers a good enough theory.

I get back to the office ... am I really about to offer a story about oversized oranges as my daily article? Will they laugh me out of the afternoon news meeting? This is a little ridiculous, but desperate times...

I check with my supervising editor before posting the offering. Is this really good for the daily? Should I hold on to it for the community weekly? Maybe it would be a lot better there. "No, post it to the daily," she says. "Sounds like a little 'news of the weird.'"

Next thing I know, they've moved the oversized oranges story to the front page.

But they've also held my coworker's story on thousands of home foreclosures.

A cardinal rule is: Thou shalt always try to make the front page. But...

Tee'd off.

Thu, 17 Jan 08 00:37:00 UT

Ladies and gentleman, welcome to Celebrity Week in God's Country East!

Former British PM Tony Blair was in town for a lecture Tuesday and here's the story I filed. The speech was about an hour; I then had 30 minutes to write. That's why it's not very good.

Ever catch C-SPAN's coverage of the British Parliament back in the day? It's roughly 297 times more entertaining than watching the U.S. House or Senate coverage. Let's just say the Brits don't raise their hands before speaking - they just frickin rail into the Prime Minister at the slightest impulse. And as he endured the screams from the seats, poor Blair used to just stammer and try to get a word in edgewise, like he'd been called into his boss's office and had the door slammed behind him. It would get so bad you thought Blair's head would implode. It was an awesome train wreck - it was C-SPAN's Anna Nicole show.

Anyhow, on Tuesday Blair told the audience that he still gets chills when the clock reads 3:12 p.m. because that's the exact minute they'd arrive to bring him to the Parliament "torture chamber." Those C-SPAN feeds were spot-on.

Blair also had a great story about Bill Clinton at a G8 summit. For the closing ceremony, they laid several local customary shirts on the leaders' bed to choose to wear. Blair said the shirts were varying degrees of terrible, so he picked the best of his options and left for the ceremony. Blair arrived to find Bill wearing the hands-down worst shirt, and told him "Mr. President ... that's an awful shirt." Bill replied, "When my folk back home see me, they're going to feel sorry for me - 'Look at what they made the President wear!' But when your folk see you they're gonna say, 'What a bad shirt the Prime Minister chose to wear.'"

Great story, classic Clinton. That's the kind of insider info my three readers have come to expect!

I was pretty stunned when Blair said he didn't feel the West had committed any sort of grievance against the Muslim world. The issue isn't whether what he said is true (I happen to strongly disagree) ... it's what would happen if Bush said that. Can you imagine? Yikes.

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Wednesday morning I hit the local links to get color quotes at this year's Bob Hope Chrysler Classic. Scores of celebrities. (And Huey Lewis.) I'm surprised at how many of 'em have a decent-enough golf game to agree to do this. Apparently there's a pretty big pool from which to pick. Seriously, who knew Kevin Nealon played decent golf?

Turns out Samuel Jackson is pretty damn good, too. The force is strong with him. And I had to resist my Tourette-like urge to yell "DOES MARCELLUS WALLACE LOOK LIKE A BITCH TO YOU?!" as he putted.

Luke Wilson was sporting an awesome porn-stache, but he flubbed a shot on 17. By my standards it wasn't bad actually - I'm a terrible golfer. As he walked off the green with that squinty, befuddled Luke Wilson expression someone called out "Nice shot, Luke!"

I don't think the guy meant it sarcastically - he just wanted to connect with a celeb and it came across unintentionally funny since the shot sucked. People cracked up, but not Luke. He just intensified his Luke Wilson face. I wondered, why do celebrities subject themselves to this unnecessary exposure? Why take the risk of a crappy day?

Then I got back to the office and read eternal LA sports optimist T.J. Simers' column, where he called the Hope a "dying PGA tournament." Classic Simers.

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In other news, the Nameless-versus-Dickie Hillary-versus-Obama debate rages on! Nameless swears she's still undecided, but she feels the need to stick up for Hillary because I'm so biased and "anti-Clinton" and thus clearly a chauvinist pig. (That's my cue to ask her to stop talking politics and start ironing my shirts.)

Also, she's not telling me whom she winds up choosing in the primary just "to piss me off."

Look, I respect that - I'm not gonna jump to any conclusions *COUGHclinton*