Okay, so I've been reading alot of pregnancy books and guides and not all are created equal. Some that I've read are just a series of questions with all of the answers saying "Don't worry, you're normal". Well, of course I am, what I want to know is more information, hello? Anyway, after these reading experiences I thought I would write down some of the things I have learned about pregnancy so far. That way if I have another baby, and I have a feeling someday I will do just that, I can look back and remind myself of what's important to know.

Lesson one-
Relax when people tell you to. Especially if you may have hypertension. This may be the only time in your life that you can loaf around for nine whole months and you don't have to feel guilty about it. As a matter of fact, let's take this one step back, learn to relax BEFORE you have a baby. Yes, learn before, it will make it much easier to do later, and after the little bugger is born you may never get the chance again.

Lesson two-
Do not sneeze unless you are sitting on a toilet. I'm not kidding here, at work today I did not follow this advice and I may have squirted a little. Thank God the bathroom is not far away or I would have made my prophecy of peeing myself come true today. I'm sure this is more information than you all wanted to know, but it's important that I remember this for next time.

Lesson three-
It's okay to play the pregnancy card when you need to. Listen, pregnancy is a beautiful time and women that are pregnant need to be respected. If I don't feel like doing something at work, I don't think I should have to. I'm growing an entire human being over here, this is hard work people, if I don't want to do something, I don't think I should have to, nor should I feel guilty about it. I am the M*THAF*CKIN PRINCESS, now more than ever and it is okay to remind people of that. :)

Lesson four-
Next time, DO NOT get pregnant in the winter to go through the summer at 7-9 months pregnant. I'm not kidding here, note to self, do not, and I repeat, do not ever do this again.

Lesson five-
Walmart is in fact the seventh circle of Hell and as you become more pregnant it may be wise to avoid such places lest you end up in jail. Or if you really must go to the Devils grocer, go at like 1am when no one else is there, that should be safe enough.

Lesson six-
Body pillows are the greatest thing EVA! Not kidding, I know I've said it alot, but do not get pregnant if you cannot have a body pillow. It's the little things in life that mean so much.

I guess that's all I have for now, I'm sure I'll have more as time goes on. I'm starting to think that the reason some women are miserable when they are pregnant is that they don't have a sense of humor about what they are going through. I realized very early on that someone else was now in control of my body and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it except strap myself in and hold on for dear life. I've done that and so far I love everything about this experience. I still have miserable moments, but I turn them into memories I will cherish and laugh about for years. Stories about peeing my pants that I will tell Muffin when he's 15 in front of his friends, or at his wedding. :) It's not about the circumstances of your situation, it's really about how sarcastic and funny you can make it. I'm really good at sarcastic and just as good at funny, I figure now is a really good time to play to my strenghts. The best time, the best time EVA!