I don't feel like I'm having a good day.

It's not that it's been a bad day, but not good either I guess. I have a three day weekend starting tomorrow with MD, maybe that's what it is, I'm just unmotivated today. I've been thinking alot too, not always a good thing for me, and trying to figure stuff out. I've been thinking all day and I still don't have anything figured out.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I'm curious (worried) about what the doctor will say about my blood pressure. I think the medicine is helping, but I've had heart palpatations. That makes me nervous. Of course being worried and nervous is the opposite of how I should be feeling, but tell me, how else can I feel? I want to be okay and I want Muffin to be okay and I think it's just a natural reaction to worry about those kinds of things.

I've also been thinking (worrying) about what would happen if the doctor pulls me out of work. I think, but I'm not sure, that if it's for health reasons I can go on some sort of short term diability, but hell if I know anything about that. I tried to look online for some information but it's like trying to find the combination to the lock for all the gold in Fort Knox. I'm starting to get pissed that this stuff is so hard to find. Why do they make it so hard, all I want is a little peace of mind.

I feel an intense amount of pressure to finish my medical transcription classes. I'm almost halfway done and I'm proud of that, but I have a ways to go. My goal is to get them finished before Muffin is born. That way I can try to find an mt job while I'm recuperating from the birth and then I can work from home. If that doesn't happen I will come back to work at the hotel. At least I have a plan B right? The pressure doesn't just come from wanting to finish them, I want to do my very best, but more than that, I don't feel like I've done a good job unless it's perfect, or almost perfect. Basically I'm pressuring myself to kick this classes ass. I know I can, but sometimes the knowing is easier than the doing.

Today just seems to be the culmination of all of my worries that have fermented in the back of my head. They are ripening and they start to smell like vinegar. They get warmer and start moving around, letting off gas, and I have a day like today. Hopefully I can relax these next three days and maybe feel better about everything. I know it will all come together, but patience and I have a strained relationship on the best of days, you get one guess how I feel about the bitch today. :)