I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my childhood. I think it’s because I’m getting ready to have my own child, and its opened up some of those old memories.

I told one story yesterday that I remember. The sad thing is that story is just one of many. One of many to create a whole.

I’m actually very grateful for these memories. They remind me why I’m glad that I live in KY and not in NY. They remind me why I shouldn’t be upset when my father’s family ignores me. I mean, these people did some very serious damage that I have spent many years repairing and patching up. I’ve thought about it a lot lately and I think it’s best if Muffin does not know these people.

That’s the only way I could be sure they won’t hurt him.

That statement makes me very sad. Those people are supposed to be my family, the people who love me and take care of me no matter what. Unfortunately that is not the case. In my case they are a bunch of crazy people who continue to hurt each other in horrible ways and then pretend it never happened.

According to my father, that story I told yesterday is a “figment of my imagination”. He would say that Mommie brainwashed me into thinking stuff like that happened.

Yeah, I’ve been brainwashed. That’s a much more plausible explanation than I was beat up because there was a rock, outside, in the grass.

Whatever helps him sleep at night I guess.

So, now that I think about it, I’m not so sad that I have to keep Muffin away from them. I’m more relieved that I have 716.32 miles between my house and my father’s house to help me keep my son safe.

Sad as it may sound, it is the truth for me. Considering the circumstances, I think I’ve coped rather well. It helps that I do have a very wonderful family aside from my father and his kin.

Mommie was all the parent I ever needed, but she has been so much more than that. Even if all I had was her, I would be okay.

Ters and Bean are as much a part of me as my own hands. We have had our differences, but we are always there for each other in whatever capacity we can lend at the time.

Gramma has been my swift kick in the ass when I needed it. She’s the strength I draw off of when I feel I have none left.

And I have some of the best friends ever. These girls I have known for almost my entire life.

D is a wild one, but she was the very first friend I made when I started school. The first day I rode the bus I sat with her, I was five years old and we are still friends to this day. She is my sister in every way but blood. She is one of the sweetest people I know. When I moved out of NY I lost contact with her for a good three years or so, I’ve gotten in touch with her recently, and we haven’t missed a beat. I bet I could go 20 years without talking to her and if I ran into her we would just pick up right where we left off. I’m so happy we’re in touch now because I’m having a Muffin, and she is actually getting married next year.

I have been friends with B since she dated my brother briefly in 9th grade. We also sat next to each other in our math class, so we did some bonding over that. She is so much fun to be around, and I know I could count on her for anything. She has two babies that I have yet to meet. That’s the hardest thing about living so far away, you still miss out on so much no matter how much contact you have.

And then there’s A. I’ve been friends with her since 2nd grade. I was 7 years old when we first met, and we’re the same as we were back then. That is one of the things I like most about our friendship, it helps me remember who we were when we were young. That is a feeling; those are memories that I don’t want to lose. The other thing is, A has been there for all the really bad stuff that has happened to me. She went through it all with me.

Those are just the people I am closest too; there are many more that I care about.

Cameron’s Mommy has been so wonderful about planning the baby shower and just being of general support to me through this pregnancy.

Bee, even though she abandoned me, is someone that I really want to keep in contact with. We really bonded while we worked at the hotel together.

Ms. P also works here at the hotel with me and I could stand here and talk to her forever.

I also have my extended family here on JS. Reading all your blogs and seeing the responses you all leave on mine is a tremendous support to me.

So, my family isn’t one in the traditional sense, but I wouldn’t ask for it to be any different. And of course not everyone who means something to me has been mentioned here today (I think this entry is long enough already) but this is my core family. These are the people that I reach to first when something is happening in my life.

This is my family. They are not perfect, but they are perfect for me.