So, what’s new?

Yeah, nothing really new with me either. I’m starting to feel very pregnant now, but surprisingly I’m not as uncomfortable or irritable as I thought I would be at this stage. Here I built these last few months up to something close to hell, and I actually feel pretty good. I am tired, I pee all the time, and my hips are hurting pretty bad almost constantly, but I can deal with all these things. None of them are as bad as I feared they would be by this point.

I think I’m starting to understand how people with chronic pain, like arthritis for instance, feel on a daily basis. Like I said, my hips hurt me all the time and sometimes the pain radiates down into my knees. It’s usually worse when I’m sleeping (how nice for me) but I feel it all day long. That kind of slow achy pain is not fun under normal circumstances, it’s even less fun when you have a bowling ball rolling around in your tummy.

I have enjoyed so much of this pregnancy and I’m so happy I’ve been able to do that. I’ve let my body take it’s own course through this whole thing and I’ve kind of just sat back and watched as a spectator. I’ve tried to pay attention to the changes and store them away to remember years from now when Muffin first goes to school, or comes home with a girlfriend. Those will be the times when I look at him and remember how small he once was, or the first time I felt him move in my tummy. I know I won’t remember everything, but I really wish I could. Being pregnant, for me, has been a wonderful experience and I’m happy that I’ve tried to enjoy all of it, even the not so enjoyable parts.

Four weeks left and I should have a baby. Hard for me to believe that is true, even now. I know he’s in there and I know he’s got to come out, but the reality of the situation still has not hit me. I’m getting more and more excited to meet him and see what he looks like. I can’t wait to see him. No matter how excited I am I still have this nagging fear that something will go terribly wrong and I’ll come out of this whole thing empty handed. Being so close to the birth, and making it through so much of the pregnancy, now I’m afraid that something bad will happen. I’ve never been more aware of the fragility or the miracle of human life, and I just want everything to be okay. It would be nice if there were some kind of guarantee for that, but I’ll make due without one.

Gramma is still fighting to make it to see Muffin. I haven’t had my hopes up, because if she doesn’t quite get there I don’t want to be disappointed. On the other hand, I want to have faith that she has the strength of will to make it to that day. It’s a hard line to walk, especially with your hormones a little out of whack, but I think I have a decent handle on it for now.

I will work for another week and a half, then I’ll be home waiting until Muffin comes. I’m not really excited about the waiting part, but I’m hoping I can be busy enough with getting everything ready and continuing with my transcription training that the time goes by smoothly.

So, physically I feel pretty good, but I do feel uneasy. Only a few more weeks to go before he’s born, then I can get on with everything.

I know I’ve said it probably 100 times, but waiting really is the hardest part.