Girl Child

The garden and the wedding

ladyofthedragons@gmail.com — Mon, 18 Jul 11 11:30:00 UT

I really think I need a new bed, especially when I feel more tired when I wake up in the morning than I did when I went to bed. I'll have to put it on the list.

**

We planted a little patio garden this year and it's been so much fun. I forgot how much I missed growing things. I can't grow plants in the house. I don't know what it is, but as soon as it comes in the door it's doomed. But I can grow all kinds of stuff outside with no problem.

MD built me a 2x3 foot box and filled it with dirt and I decided to plant peas, tomatos, and green bell peppers. MD's mom also gave me 4 broccoli plants and two cabbage plant.

The peas did really good. I couldn't believe how fast these things grew! But, peas don't do well in the heat, so as it got hotter, and they turned more and more brown, we pulled them up to give the other stuff more room to grow.

The rabbits we have in the backyard LOVE the broccoli and cabbage. I don't think I'll be getting any actual harvest out of these plants. I don't really mind too much, and it's nice to have the plants out there because I can pull a few leaves off to give them to our bunny Owen.

So far I have one bell pepper growing. The plants produce buds, but I don't know if the rabbits are chewing the buds off or what's happening. So, just the one of those.

And the tomatos are doing really good. We have five growing now and lots and lots of buds. We had a little aphid problem, but I sprayed the plants down with water mixed with just a little dishsoap, and problem solved. I didn't want to use any pesticides or chemicals because Muffin runs around there, and I don't like the idea of putting poison all over something I hope to eat. But, the soap and water worked really well and we have had no aphid problem since. MD has a pound of bacon waiting in the freezer for when we pick the first tomatos. He wants BLT's really bad.

**

Wedding stuff is going. It's such a pain in the ass to plan all of this stuff, and I don't like to use the word never, but I will never have another wedding. IF I'm ever crazy enough to want to get married again, I'm going to the courthouse and calling it a day.

We've had a little trouble figuring out the cake. A friend of mine was going to make it for us, but she's travelling here from 17 hours away and she was afraid she wouldn't have enough time to bake and decorate a cake once she got into town. Also, she didn't want to drive down with a cake in her backseat. So MD and I looked into getting a cake from the venue for the wedding and reception and they don't really do cakes. But, they go through a local cake person, so they said we could order one from her. Well, we picked out a picture of the cake we liked, and they want to charge us $241 for a cake, with buttercream frosting, to feed 40 people. I felt like that was totally crazy.

MD found out that a lady from work has her own bake shop in town, so we're going over there tomorrow morning to talk to her about a cake. If that doesn't work, I'll bake the fricken thing myself.

MD and I have a list of last minute stuff to get done, and most of it we can do this coming weekend, so that will be a load of pressure off. Then we're in the home strech!

I'm so excited and nervous at the same time.

What else? wedding stuff

ladyofthedragons@gmail.com — Fri, 8 Jul 11 11:58:00 UT

The wedding is getting close now, just 5 weeks away. I know that time will seem to fly and drag at the same time. I'm really excited, and I'm also looking forward to having it over with. I am so so so glad we decided to go with a very small affair. I don't know how I could have gotten through a huge wedding without some very deep trauma. Not that I don't love MD's and my family, but I'm for real not a people person, doesn't matter who those people are.

There were some issues with members from my dad's side of the family not coming. There is a lot of painful (mostly on my part) history with these people, and no matter how much time goes by, anytime something big comes up that involves me, there's always issues. I've blogged before about some of the shit that went down, but my dad's family never dealt with any of that. All they did was ignore me and ignore what happend. So, now this whole wedding thing comes up and my dad's brother and sister decided not to come.

Well, my dad was not very happy about that one, let me tell you. I know this all brought up some deeply buried feelings for him too, and it was just a rollercoaster. His brother and sister both have the time and the money to come to the wedding, but like I said, they've all ignored me since I was 10 years old. They still do it now. I was dissipointed, but my dad was livid. I guess that reaction is better late than never, because he's never stood up for me in my whole life, especially not against his family.

My dad had a few outbursts, and I got a call yesterday from my uncle to tell me that he is going to be able to make it to the wedding now. Amazing how that just worked out. I'm happy they are going to be able to make it, and I wish there wasn't this feeling of sadness about seeing family from that side, but there is. All I know is that I didn't do anything wrong, but I was the only one punished, and this left over sadness or hurt isn't because of me.

Still sad anyway.

**

Muffin's suit came in and he looks adorable in it. He hated it when I put it on him. He especially hated the tie, but MD thinks that he can convince Muffin to wear it with no problem. So, that's on MD. I told him I wished him the very best luck with that. :)

MD still needs a belt and a tie to complete his wedding look, and Muffin still needs shoes. We're waiting until the last minute to get Muffin's shoes because that kids feet grow like you would not believe. He's still very small for his age, but his feet are huge! So, in another two weeks or so we'll get the shoes and I think there's a pretty good chance they should still fit by the time of the wedding.

There's still lots of other details I need to figure out, but most of the big stuff is done, and I'm happy about that. I just can't wait until my Mommie gets here. I, personally, think she should just come right now.

What we did yesterday, and what I don't want to do today.

ladyofthedragons@gmail.com — Sun, 3 Jul 11 12:52:00 UT

MD and I took Muffin to see some fireworks last night. He LOVED them. He kept telling me what colors they were, and when there was a really loud one, he'd say "good one, good one." It was very cute.

Muffin also went to his first kids birthday party yesterday. Our neighbors friend has two boys that come over to play once in a while and one of them was having his 5th birthday party. They had it at the park here in town and thank god there was shade, cause it was really fricking hot outside yesterday. Muffin had a good time though. The heat doesn't bother that kid at all. He's like MD that way cause I can't stand it when it's hot.

I'm feeling a little tired today, but I want to get the house picked up. MD will be off Mon and Tues and I don't want to have to do any cleaning. I just want to be able to hang out and relax. The only problem with that plan is that I don't feel like cleaning today. I should just bite the bullet and get it done, but this is when that procrastinating voice chimes in with other stuff to do. Which voice will win today, The Voice of Reason or The Voice of Procrastination?

Speaking of The Voice, I really loved that show. I can't wait for season two :)

Be back in 2 minutes

ladyofthedragons@gmail.com — Thu, 30 Jun 11 11:37:00 UT

You know, now that Muffin can talk, he's just too darn funny sometimes.

This morining he came downstairs, handed me a blanket and told me he'd "be back in 2 minutes mommy". I told him I'd see him in 2 minutes then, and he said he was going to Taco Bell. :) I told him to bring me back a burrito and he said "Okay mommy".

And now we can have little, mini arguments. Like yesterday he was chasing his bunny Owen around downstairs. I asked him what he was doing and he told me he was "gonna get my baby sister". I told him Owen is a boy, so he's not a sister, he's a brother. Muffin responded "No, mommy. Is baby sister". If I continue to disagree with him, he'll continue telling me I'm wrong. That back and forth is so cute now, but I'm sure by the time he's 16 and arguing with me the cuteness would be worn out.

Not only does he crack me up, he cracks himself up too. He'll say something and then just laugh and laugh at himself. He'll look at me and tell me he's "so funny".

I'd like to find Muffin some friends to play with. Since we moved, we don't really know anyone in the area. Our neighbor has a friend with two little boys, and sometimes they come over to play. Staying home with Muffin is awesome, at least most of the time, but he needs more than just his momma to play with.

We found out that because of when his birthday falls, and how early they start the school year in the south, that he'll be almost 6 years old before we can register him for kindergarten. In the state we lived in before, MD and I would have had a choice about when he started. He could have started a few weeks before he turned 5, or a few weeks before he turned 6. But, if we're still here when he goes to school, we won't have a choice because of the cutoff day. I don't really mind him being a little older when he starts school, but I didn't really plan on having an extra year of having him home. We're not going to wait until kindergarten to get him started in school, we're planning on finding a preschool program for him before that.

And, in the meantime, I'm teaching him all kinds of stuff. He can count to 10 on his own, he can count to 20 with a little help. He knows all his shapes and colors, and most of the letters in the alphabet whether they're in order or not. Actually, he does better with the letters if I give them to him out of order. He can also almost spell his name on his own too. A few weeks ago he read his first word to me. He wanted to watch the movie Toy Story, whick he normally calls Buzz and Woody. He looked at the case, pointed out the T O Y, told me what letters they were, then told me the word. That was pretty cool.

Well, hello again

ladyofthedragons@gmail.com — Wed, 29 Jun 11 20:02:00 UT

I haven't written anything here since Jan. of this year. I really had no idea it had been that long, but lately I've been feeling like time is just going by so fast.

Muffin is growing like a weed. Every time I turn around he's bigger. I don't know who gave my baby permission to grow into a toddler because I sure didn't. Watching your child grow is one of the most beautiful things.

Not much about my life is that exciting, but MD and I are finally getting married. We've been together for more than 7 years. I just can not believe that much time has gone by. He is the biggest pain in my ass EVER! Sometimes I want to bash his brains in with a frying pan. And I love him very much.

The response to the wedding from our families has been very interesting. All of MD's family members that have been invited to the wedding are coming. A lot of mine are not. I can't say that I'm really surprised, but I was hoping for better.

I wrote some time ago about the issues with my NY family, and I can't help but feel like they are snubbing my wedding as continued punishment for me talking about what was happening to me. Because, you see, it's not that they can't make it, they don't want to. All I keep coming back to is that I did nothing wrong, but I'm the one that's been punished for all these years. Basically, I don't need that kind of shit in my life at all.

I guess for me it's just hard growing up with this idea that I have this huge family, and as I get older that number shrinks and shrinks. Some of my "family" are people that I don't even know at all anymore. I look at the wreckage, the fallout of what happend, and it makes me very sad.

But, all of that aside, I'm excited about getting married. I'll get to see Mommie and Bean at the same time!! And some of my girls too! I think we're all going to have a pretty great time.

And I'm going to try to journal more. I want to remember this stuff later, and with the kind of memory I have since Muffin was born, I know there's no way I'm going to remember it on my own.

Assistance and Drug Testing

ladyofthedragons@gmail.com — Wed, 26 Jan 11 14:43:00 UT

I have recently learned that the state of KY is passing legislation that would make a drug test mandatory for people applying for welfare.

I've read a lot of opinions on the subject, and now I'm giving mine.

There's more than one issue on the table here and there are many facets to the arguments for or against such a policy.

I'll start with my pregnancy with Muffin. When I got pregnant, both MD and I were working full time jobs. Because we were not married, I couldn't get medical coverage through his employer and my employer didn't offer medical benifits. I went on the state medical plan and I have to say that I was treated like an unintelligent, lazy whore by most of the medical staff I ran into. The doctors office was always really surprised when I told them I'd have to schedule my appointments around my work schedule. "Oh, you have a job?", they would say. Well, duh, yes I have a job, a full time job thank you.

Not everyone abuses the welfare system, but there are enough who do that cause massive problems for everyone else. They cause problems for the taxpayers who are funding these operations, for the people who are not abusing the services offered, and to people who don't understand the system because they have absolutley no experience with it whatsoever.

Not everyone who abuses this system is on drugs. Some people use the cash assistance program to pay their bills just so they don't have to work. They will sell the foodstamps they don't use to help cover their monthly expenses so that they just don't have to get a job. No drugs in the picture in that case.

Another concern of mine is what about the children of the drug-addicted parents who are no longer able to get assistance, what happens to them? Here's the situation lawmakers are faced with. Keep giving the drug addicts money for assistance, that they keep spending on drugs instead of taking care of their kids, or stop giving them money so they can't use it to buy drugs and their kids go without anyway.

Point blank for me, the entire system is faulty. The foster care system is not strong enough to pick up the slack for people who won't take care of their kids, and giving the parents of these children assistance often creates problems of other kinds that need to be combated.

In my opinion, welfare is supposed to be a temporary help. That's the problem, not that people who are using drugs are also using the system. If there was a time limit for people to recieve certain services, like cash assistance and foodstamps, I think that would help people remember that this isn't an alternative to working. And you can't just throw money at people and expect that will make everything better. That's the problem with America as a whole, MONEY does NOT make everything better. These people need help finding work, learning how to be good parents, finding a support system, continuing their education.

I refuse to believe at this day and age that no one can come up with a program that encorporates all of these things. Deciding to test people for drug use and kick them out of the system is just an effort to not have to go through the process of either fixing the systems problems or coming up with a new or better system.

Do I personally believe that people doing drugs should be tested to get state aid?

For me that depends on the kind of drugs we're talking about. There are many kinds of drugs, and I feel, concerns with each of them. I don't believe that just because you smoke a little bit of pot on fridays with your friends that you should be denied any help. If you're ADDICTED to any kind of drug, and I'm including alcohol here too, you can't be taking government assistance and using that to fund your habit.

Drug tests are not the answer to the problems with this system. It's just a political tactic to make it look like the politicians care and are doing their job.

Do not disturb

ladyofthedragons@gmail.com — Tue, 21 Apr 09 19:13:00 UT

I have put all of my journal entries into a private group. I will only be writing entries in the private part of this blog from now on. If you want the group name and password, let me know and I'll be more than happy to let you know :)

5, 10 and Now via Jen

ladyofthedragons@gmail.com — Fri, 27 Feb 09 10:21:00 UT

****15 YEARS AGO (1994)****

1) How old were you? 10

2) Who were you dating? No one

3) Where did you work? I went to elementary school, and was working on trying to keep my sanity

4) Where did you live? Niles, NY

5) Where did you hang out? school, home, and Dezarae's house

6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? No, but I wanted glasses, I don't know why.

7) Who were your best friends? Dezarae, Ann, Holly

8) How many tattoos did you have? None

9) How many piercings did you have? My ears

10) What kind of car did you drive? No car, but my parents owned a blue eagle premier

11) Had you been to a real party? nope, just other kids birthday parties

12) Had you had your heart broken? no

13) Were you Single/taken/Married/Divorced? single

14) Any Kids? I was one

***10 YEARS AGO (1999)***

1) How old were you? 15

2) Who were you dating? No one

3) Where did you work? I went to school, I was in 9th grade

4) Where did you live? Niles, NY and Moravia, NY

5) Where did you hang out? at school, at my house

6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? Nope, and I had gotten over my desire to wear glasses

7) Who were your best friends? Mommie, Ann, Kass, and Brandy

8) How many tattoos did you have? None

9) How many piercings did you have? two in each ear

10) What kind of car did you drive? no car

11) Had you been to a real party? Nope

12) Had your heart broken? no

13) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? still single

14)Any Kids? nope, I was still a kid at this point

****TODAY (2009)****

1) How old are you? 25

2) Who are you dating? MD

3) Where do you work? I'm a stay at home mom, trying to finish medical transcription training so I can work from home.

4) Where do you live? E-town KY

5) Where do you hang out? at home, or walmart. they are the only places I go to on a regular basis. Sad, isn't it?

6) Do you wear contacts and/or glasses? I still don't

7) Who are your best friends? Mommie, Ann, MD

8) How many tattoos do you have? I have two

9) How many piercings do you have? two in each ear

10) What kind of car do you drive? still no car, I don't even have a license.

11) Have you been to a real party? I've been to a work Christmas party, birthday parties, and my baby shower.

12) Have you had your heart broken? No, and hopefully at this point that won't happen

13) Are you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Taken

14) Any kids? I have one Muffin :)

These are the ABC's of me baby!

ladyofthedragons@gmail.com — Wed, 10 Dec 08 16:25:00 UT

ABCs

A - Available: Nope
A - Age: 24
A - Annoyance: The fact that the maintenance people tore my bathroom floor up yesterday and then told me that it might be a while before they would put a new one down.

B - Braces: never had any, my teeth were always straight
B - Birthday: February 18th

C - Crush: my little boy
C - Car: mazda 626
C - Cat(s): no cats, MD doesnât like them and weâre not allowed to have pets here anyway

D - Dead Pets Name: dog-tootsie, catâs- leo, cloe, and I think simba very soon
D - Dads Name: Francis, but everyone calls him Frankie or Frank
D - Drinks: water and pepsi, coffee too when Iâm in the mood

E - Easiest Person to talk to: Mommie
E - Email: gmail
E - Envy: Iâm jealous of people that live close to their mothers or whose grandmothers are still alive

F - Favorite Color: lavender
F - Food: right now I wish I had some taco dip
F - Foreign slang: fungool (spelled wrong Iâm sure, but who can spell words right in Italian anyway?)

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: bears
G - Good Times: are better than bad times, obviously

H - Hair Color: brown
H - Height: 5 ft, 5â1â on a good day
H - Happy: happy, happy, happy, Iâm so happy today, I live in the USA, Iâm so happy today.
H- How you want to be remembered: depends on who is doing the remembering I guess

I - Ice Cream: is delicious! Especially pistachio
I - Instrument: I used to play the clarinet, the clarinet goes doodley, doodley, doodley, doodley, det! Then I tried the guitar, but that was no good. I guess I could try to play a kazoo, I might be good at that.
I - Idol: Gramma and Mommie, they really are the greatest role models EVAH!

J - Jewelry: the only piece I wear every day is MDâs class ring
J - Job: HA! Whatâs that? If you want to know what I do all day, I take care of Muffin.
J - Jokes: I iz fullz of dem!

K - Kids: I have one, beautiful little boy. As for more, Iâm not so sure about that
K - Karate: kid was an okay movie, I think that kid learned a lot from having his ass beat
K - Kung Fu: Everyone was Kung Fu fighting. HIYA! Those kicks were fast as lightning HA! It was a little bit frightening.

L - Longest Car Ride: The one in the Uhaul from NY to KY
L - Longest shower?: I donât really know, I canât take a shower here because we donât have one, all we have is a tub even though they promised to install a shower when we moved in two years ago.
L - Love: is all you need

M - Milk Flavor: strawberry milk is my favorite
M - Mothers Name: Mommie, or now Noni, or if sheâs not your mommie, Netter
M - Movie Last Watched: Jerry McGuire, SHOW ME THE MONEY!

N - Number of Siblings: two, one brother and one sister, worked out pretty good for me
N - Northern or Southern: to live: North, weather: North, people: North, I guess the North wins this one
N - Name: Donna

O - One Wish: I wish I had a dime for every dime that I have, which would give me about 20 cents
O - One Phobia: That if I donât kill a spider that it will come and get me
O- Obnoxious: People should be punched in the face

P - Part of your appearance you like best: My eyes
P - Passion: I donât know. Maybe thatâs my problem, I donât know what it is, other than being a mom
P - Pissed off: Is better than being pissed on!

Q - Quote: "In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed." Kahlil Gibran- That was one of my Grammaâs favorites
Q - Quick or Slow: depends on what Iâm doing

R - Reason to smile: My family
R - Reality TV Show: My very favorite one is Survivor
R - Regrets: I have none

S - Song you last heard: Ice, Ice Baby- yeah, you know you love it
S - Season: right now itâs winter, even though it hasnât been that cold, my favorite season is Fall
S - Sex: No more of that. That is where babies come from and I learned my lesson the first timeâ¦..jk

T- Time you woke up: which time, I went to bed around three, got up again at five, then at eight, then at ten for good
T - Time Now: 4:20pm, I know there is a joke there, but seriously that is what time it it
T - Time for bed: when Muffin will go to sleep

U - Unknown Fact About Me: When I am nervous or angry, I pick my eyelashes out
U - Unicorns: are very pretty, arenât they?
U - Unpleasant: Iâve never had one, but Iâm assuming a rectal exam is at least mildly unpleasant, wouldnât you agree?

V - Vegetable you hate: peas, gross!
V - Vegetable you love: asparagus
V - View on Politics: The people that should be running are too smart to do it

W - Worst Habits: smoking
W - Where are you going to travel next: to the kitchen for a drink of water, or to NY in May to be in my friends wedding
W - Watchful: just for the record, itâs a good idea to watch your kids, especially when they learn to roll

X - X-Ray: Iâve had one of my right pointer finger and some of my back
X - X-tra special someone: MD, Mommie, Muffin
X - X-mas: is just around the corner

Y - Year you were born: 1984
Y - Year it is now: 2008
Y - Yellow: is Annâs favorite color but the one I like the least

Z - Zoo Animal: my favorite is a penguin or a monkey
Z - Zodiac: Iâm an Aquarius, the weirdo of the zodiac

Four is the new black

ladyofthedragons@gmail.com — Tue, 11 Nov 08 12:29:00 UT

I borrowed this from Jen

Four family members:
Mommie
Muffin
MD
Me! Look, we all start with an M!

Four places that I go to over and over:
The bathroom
The kitchen
The living room
The bedroom

I guess I don't get out much

Four people who e-mail me (regularly):
My daily horoscope
Baby center
Glen beck
Old navy

Four of my favorite places to eat:
At the kitchen table
Wherever Mommie has cooked
Rafferty's
McDonald's

Four places I would rather be right now:
With Mommie
In an olympic sized swimming pool filled with hundred dollar bills
In bed asleep
At the lottery office cashing in my winning ticket

Four TV shows I watch regularly:
Survivor
Rock of love charm school
Press your luck
The unit*

*only because MD will have a stroke if he misses an episode

Four things in the room Iâm in:
The stove
A bottle of Kroger syrup
Two black, plastic roses
My cup of Pepsi

Four concerts Iâve been to:
Christmas concert at highschool when my sissy was in chorus
Band concert when sissy played the flute in band
Lifehouse
Goo Goo dolls

Four things on my calendar:
The name of the month
Little numbers on each of the days
The days of the week
A picture of a cat trying to get away from bathtime in a wooden tub filled with bubbles

Four fears:
Spiders
That if I kill a spider, it's family will come and get me
That if I don't kill a spider, it will come and get me
leaving the house

Four things in your purse or wallet:
Not money!
Lip gloss
Gum
Lint

Four chores you hate doing:
The dishes
Taking out the garbage
Laundry
Getting out of bed in the morning

Four favorite animals:
Cat
Hawk
Unicorn
Dragon

Four speed dials on your cell phone:
First- MD
Second- Mommie
Third- Sissy
Fourth- Ters

God forbid I should ever need their actual phone numbers, because I have no idea what they are.

Four places you have called home:
Moravia, NY
St. Louis
Elizabethtown
The huge cardboard box that came with our playhouse when I was 3 years old.

Four favorite pieces of jewelry:
MD's class ring
My tiara
Birthstone earrings
Gramma's pins

Four websites you visit:
This one
Myspace
Neopets
Despair.com

Four people who have been in your car:
MD
Muffin
MD's mom
Ters

Four things you are wearing:
Pajammie pants
Matching Pajammie shirt
Old mens slippers
Pink sports bra

Four things you are looking forward to:
Taking a nap later today
Finishing this so I can go eat lunch
The next time I will see Mommie, even though I don't know when that will be
Talking to Mommie today

Four favorite types of candy:
Milky Way bar
Starbursts
Chocolate covered almonds
Gummie cherries

Four sports teams you like:
The New York Giants!
NY Giants!!
The G-MEN!!!!!
St. Louis Rams (that's for mom in the Lou, if she wasn't there, this answer would be another variation of the NY Giants)

Four things found in your fridge:
Mustard
Hot dogs :)
Pepsi
Leftover cream corn

Four rituals you do daily:
Get up and feed Muffin
Get dressed
Send pictures to Mommie
Call Mommie

Four things currently within reach:
The hope that things will get better
Me not being to scared to finish my MT class
My cell phone
The fantasy that I could find a leprachaun and steal his pot of gold

Four things you know how to cook:
Tomato sauce from scratch
Pumpkin pie
Beef stroganoff
Thanks a lot, now I'm starving!

Four Halloween costumes youâve worn:
Geisha girl
Barbie
Cat
Witch

Banned books borrowed from jen

ladyofthedragons@gmail.com — Sat, 4 Oct 08 14:09:00 UT

How to play:

1: Copy this list.
2: Highlight the ones you have read (or at least remember reading).

1. Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
2. Daddyâs Roommate by Michael Willhoite
3. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
4. The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
5. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
6. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
7. Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling
8. Forever by Judy Blume
9. Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
10. Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
11. Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
12. My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
13. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
14. The Giver by Lois Lowry
15. Itâs Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
16. Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine
17. A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
18. The Color Purple by Alice Walker
19. Sex by Madonna
20. Earthâs Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel
21. The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
22. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine LâEngle
23. Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
24. Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
25. In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
26. The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
27. The Witches by Roald Dahl
28. The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein
29. Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
30. The Goats by Brock Cole
31. Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane
32. Blubber by Judy Blume
33. Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
34. Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
35. We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
36. Final Exit by Derek Humphry
37. The Handmaidâs Tale by Margaret Atwood
38. Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
39. The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
40. Whatâs Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras
41. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
42. Beloved by Toni Morrison
43. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
44. The Pigman by Paul Zindel
45. Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
46. Deenie by Judy Blume
47. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel KeyesM
48. Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
49. The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
50. Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz
51. A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein
52. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
53. Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
54. Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole
55. Cujo by Stephen King
56. James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
57. The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell
58. Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
59. Ordinary People by Judith Guest
60. American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
61. Whatâs Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras
62. Are You There, God? Itâs Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
63. Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
64. Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
65. Fade by Robert Cormier
66. Guess What? by Mem Fox
67. The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
68. The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney
69. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
70. Lord of the Flies by William Golding
71. Native Son by Richard Wright
72. Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Womenâs Fantasies by Nancy Friday
73. Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
74. Jack by A.M. Homes
75. Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya
76. Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle
77. Carrie by Stephen King
78. Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
79. On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
80. Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
81. Family Secrets by Norma Klein
82. Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
83. The Dead Zone by Stephen King
84. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
85. Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
86. Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
87. Private Parts by Howard Stern
88. Whereâs Waldo? by Martin Hanford
89. Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene
90. Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
91. Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
92. Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
93. Sex Education by Jenny Davis
94. The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
95. Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
96. How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
97. View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts
98. The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
99. The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney
100. Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

Despair

ladyofthedragons@gmail.com — Wed, 13 Aug 08 21:47:00 UT

I would like to say that I love despair.com. I first discovered it when Lisa posted a picture on her blog from there.

This was the picture:

From the first moment I clicked on that site, I have felt at home. I think a lot of people would go there and feel worse aferwords.

Me, I feel so much better after I read all those demotivators. I think there are a few reasons why I love them so much.

One reason is that they remind me that everyone elses life is crap, not just mine. It helps me to not feel alone. It reiterates that those of us on the verge of going crazy are the majority and that makes me happy.

The other main reason is that I find them all hysterical, yes, but true as well. The side of my personality that hates EVERYTHING, and I really do mean EVERYTHING, eats this stuff up. That pessimistic, sarcastic side reads these little phrases and it serves almost like reinforcement that she is right after all.

And like I already said, I think they are hysterically funny.

My sense of irony loves them because they are called "demotivators" yet they don't demotivate me, they don't make me feel worse, they make me feel better. I love it.

So, anyway, my tribute to despair, which we all feel at times. In moments of despair I have felt very alone. Thanks to this website, I'll never have that problem again.

Oh, and if anyone wants to know what's on my Christmas list, I can tell you, every single one of the demotivators. :)

Dinner

ladyofthedragons@gmail.com — Wed, 2 Jul 08 22:08:00 UT

I made dinner at home last night for the first time in a few weeks. I love to cook, but I don't get out of work until 11pm, so it's a little hard to then go home and spend a lot of time in the kitchen.

I tend to follow a Racheal Ray type of mentality as far as dinner goes. If I can't make it in 30 minutes, forget it. Unless it's my day off and I want to make spaghetti sauce from scratch or homemade chicken noodle soup.

On the days I work, if I can't cook it fast, I don't want to cook it at all.

Last night I made some sauteed chicken with garlic and onion, fettuccini alfredo noodles, and green beans with vinegar and garlic.

It was so delicious, that's all I've thought about all day. I think when I go home, I'm going to make more of it, it was that good.

MD really liked it too. I can't tell you how satisfying it is for me to feed him. I love it when I cook something and he cleans his whole plate. I guess that's part of the joy of cooking for me, when I cook for the people I love it's like I'm giving them a gift.

Like, here, I made you something. I hope you like it :)

And if you don't you can cook for yourself next time :P

I don't cook at home as much partly because of the getting home after 11pm thing, and partly because I just don't have as much energy as I used too. Most days when I get home, my back hurts some and my feet are a little swollen and all I want to do is lay down on the couch.

I did feel that way last night, but I had a desire to cook as well. I felt better after I cooked for 20 or so minutes than I did when I walked in the house. Almost like it was therapeutic for me in a way.

Anyway, after all of that rambling, my conclusion is that I am going to make a conserted effort to cook more at home.

If anyone is in the neighborhood, feel free to stop by for dinner. :)

A little late, but what the hey!

ladyofthedragons@gmail.com — Thu, 5 Jun 08 19:49:00 UT

Five questions, with five answers each. Gank whatever you want, and respond if you'd like.

1. Name five books you think you should read that you haven't read yet.

I guess I don't feel there are books that I "should" read, but there are some I want to read. My other problem is I tend to read the books I want to. When I think of a book I want to read it kinda becomes like a craving, I have to have it.

Salem's Lot-Stephen King
I wanna read it, but I think it will scare me and I'll have to put it in the freezer, part of the reason I haven't read it yet.

Hatchet-Gary Paulsen
My fifth grade class was supposed to read this book, but due to a scheduling mix-up we read The River instead (the sequel). I liked The River, but I've always wanted to go back and read this one.

The Harper Hall Trilogy: Dragonsong, Dragonsinger, and Dragondrums-Anne McCaffrey
I'm only counting this as one. I've read alot of the Dragon riders of Pern series of books, but I haven't yet gotten around to these.

A Widow for one Year-John Irving
As a senior in high school, we read a book by Irving called A Prayer for Owen Meany. I loved that book, I loved Irvings voice. I've since read The World According to Garp and The Cider House Rules, but this is the next one of his I'd like to read.

and

The book my mommie is going to write. I really want to read that one, and I think I should :)

2. Five people can come to dinner, any five people, living or dead. Who do you invite and why?

Abe Lincoln- I want to see how tall he was in person, and measure the size of his head, no not that one people, get you're minds out of the gutter. In his pictures he looks like he has a huge head.

Glen Beck- I find him hysterical to watch and listen to. I'd like to see if I could make him shoot blood out his eyes, something he says he does often.

Shania Twain- She is strong on the inside and I love that about her.

MaterHarper Robinton- He isn't techinically alive or dead, he's a character of fiction, but I would Love, Love, Love, to have him for dinner.

and

Will Ferrell- He is my favorite comedian, and what's dinner without laughter?

3. Who were five influential people in your life so far, and why?

Mommie is first, cause she's my mommie. Everything I am is because of her. I love her the bestest and she has taught me everything I've needed to know. She's like the encyclopedia...only better :)

Kass- I don't know where she is, or where she went. Many people didn't understand her, but she showed me things about myself I wouldn't have found on my own. She's lost, but I still think about her everyday.

Gramma- I was thirteen years old when I first met her. She's a tough lady and her example has taught me alot. When I'm her age, I plan to be just like her, sassy and crabby and a whole lot of fun ;)

Mrs. Welgoss- She was my highschool english teacher and she was the reason I wanted to become a teacher. She was a fantastic teacher, the kind there are too few of. To this day, I still miss sitting in her class in the morning.

Muffin's Daddy- He's the only man I've ever dated or been with. He has taught me alot and I love him dearly, not the bestest, but dearly :) don't tell him I said that ;)

4. Name five foods you would like to have at the same meal in order to be truly satisfied.

Mommies italian bread-delicious, i love it!

field greens salad with homemade italian dressing- i love salad...alot :)

chips and salsa- probably my favorite food EVAH!!

mashed potatoes- i love potatoes, any kind cooked anyway, but mashed is my favorite

and

a rice krispie treat, or a cookie- it's all the same to me

5. List five of your favorite movie or TV quotes, with attribution, if possible.

My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room to jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble hell.

-Lester Burnum, American Beauty 1999
He's one of my favorite characters of all time and I love that movie

Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Tom Cruise...use your witchcraft to get the invisible fire off me!

-Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights, The Ballad of Ricky Bobby 2006
Like I told you, I love Will Ferrell <3

Get busy living or get busy dying. That's goddamn right. For the second time in my life, I'm guilty of committing a crime. Parole violation. Course, I doubt they're going to throw up any road blocks for that. Not for an old crook like me. I find I'm so excited I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel. A free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope...

-Red, The Shawshank Redemption 1994
Another favorite, however, I did like the book a little better

Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, but they become legends.
-One Stab, Legends of the Fall 1994
This is the movie I watch when I want to torture myself. I cry alot when I see it, but that never stops me from watching it.

Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up?! If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy!
-John Bender, The breakfast Club 1985
Probably my favorite movie of all time, I've been watching it since I was three years old and I love it now just as much as i did then.

It starts with my name

ladyofthedragons@gmail.com — Thu, 15 May 08 21:53:00 UT

1) Start with your name:
it changes everyday, sometimes i'm donna, or babydoll, or hunny or 'mater butt or any other number of strange and/or cute words :)

2) What do you think about smoking weed?
i did it once, i did inhale, but i hated it.

i did not like the way it made me feel at all, so i guess i'll stick to my addiction to prescription pain killers

3) Whats your favorite drink?
lately, water

4) What do you hear right now?
i can hear the a/c fan blowing a little, the sound of my fingers typing and thats about it.

all is quiet in the halls of the hotel

5) How did you wake up this morning?
which time? i woke up once to the sound of the rain, i woke up when Muffins daddy's alarms went off, I woke up because i had to pee, and then i woke up when my alarm went off

6) What is something you ask for a lot?
a pony
pretzels
to see my mommie
and for a labotomy

7) Was today a fun day?
no, no fun today. thank you for bringing that up and reminding me....jerk

8) Do you believe everything you hear?
no, i believe some sounds are just big fakes made in a production studio!

9) What is the next big decision you have to make in your life?
uuugggh...i dont want to answer this question. every decision i make now seems like a big decision and all i really want to do is sit on my mommies lap and let her rock me to sleep.

can i go back to that? please?

10) Does anyone like you and you don't feel the same way?
yeah, plenty of guests here at the hotel like me, or think that i'm nice, but i rarely, rarely would use the word "like" to describe how i feel about any of them

11) Do you live near most of your friends?
no, i live very far away from my friends.

far far away

12) What are you wearing right now?
my work uniform

13) Is there anyone you would die for?
there are actually five people i would give my life for, but that's it, the rest of you are on your own

14) Where were you at 11:45 am yesterday?
at home stuffin my headz with learningz

15) How many letters are in your last name?
9, i know its a lot, out of the 9, 4 are vowels and 5 are consonants

16) What did you do last night?
i worked until 11pm, then MD came to pick me up, we went home, i made dinner, then we hung out and watched tv until about 1am, then went to bed

17) If you had the choice to change your eye color, would you?
no, i like my eye color.

MD and I have discussions about who's eyes Muffin will have :)

18) Where did you get the pants you're wearing right now?
i bought them at old navy.

they were my first pair of maternity pants and they are the most comfortable pair of pants i have ever owned

19) What was the last beverage you drank?
HI-C orange

20) Do you listen to your parents?
i listen to my mommie.

i stick my fingers in my ears and say "blah, blah, blah" when my dad tries to talk :)

21) How long have you been breathing?
currently i'm not breathing.

i'm holding my breath until this whole pregnancy thing runs it's course

22) Who was the last person to lay in bed with you?
Muffins daddy

23) Would rain actually stop you from going somewhere or ruin your plans?
it wouldn't stop me from going most places, but the jerk rain did ruin MD's plans to take me camping this weekend. so we made other plans.

There rain! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT!!!

24) Do you fight with your parents all the time?
no, mommie and i get along really well all the time pretty much, and i can't fight with my dad because it's really hard to fight with someone you choose to have no contact with.

that's the magic of ignoring! poof, they're not there anymore :)

25) Is there suppose to be a question here?
yes, but he had to pee so i promised him i'd hold his spot.

he's been gone three days now

26) How's tomorrow gonna go?
i hope it goes well, really, really, well.

27) What's something you really want right now, be honest?
to have a good day tommorow!

29) What's the best eye color for the opposite sex?
Muffin's daddy has great eyes, sapphire blue :)

30) What song are you currently listening to
no song

31) How many and what kind of animals do you have?
i have one Muffin's daddy, and one Muffin and they are both little monkeys

34) If you could cuddle with anyone right now who would you pick?
Muffins daddy

35) Can you legally drink?
yeah, but the surgeon general discourages pregnant women from drinking

36) Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?
no, I'm the M*UTHAF*UCKIN PRINCESS, they feel awkward, i just feel important

37) Do you like carrots?
yes, especially fresh baby ones.

yummy yummy

38) Are you taller than 5'5"?
no, as a matter of fact i am not.

39) Do you prefer an ocean or pool?
i like a pool cause i dont get salt in my eyes

40) Does anyone like you?
no, everyone loves me.

or if they don't, they should

41) Are you in a good mood?
i feel okay.

better now that i think i'm getting some of my sass back

42) What would be the "dream" date for you?
any date with muffins daddy is great.

we've been together for over 4 years and he still takes me out on dates, how cute is that?

43) Do you believe in God?
i believe his son, tiny, infant, baby jesus hates me. and god stands there and laughs at me.....

44)What is your favorite color
lavender

45) What are your plans for this weekend?
MD is taking me to see some dirt track races, we are going to do more work cleaning out the spare room (soon to be Muffins room) and relaxing

46)What do you think people think of you?
i think that if i thought i cared i would think i was wasting my thoughts

47) Do you have anything pierced?
my ears, twice

48)What are you looking forward to this summer?
It getting over with so i can have my baby already!

49)What did you dream about last night?
weird stuff, and having to pee