The subject of shelves is one dear to the domestic heart, especially in our household. It appears there are never enough of them - or not enough in the right place it would seem, so guess who is deputed to remedy this deficiency?

Yes, well I have a number of outstanding shelf construction projects and every now and again one swims to the top of the pile.

I do my best to dissuade the world in general and my wife in particular that shelves are, in principle, not a good idea, since they tend to be, well, sort of impermanent due to their unfortunate tendency to become overloaded and part company from the particular wall to which they were lovingly attached by a variety of fixings purchased at much expense from our extortionately priced and humourously named hardware store.

You see putting up shelves is not as simple as it looks. It involves lots of complicated decisions and more than a degree of uncertainty. For example, one is supposed to attach the said shelf to a wall, but here lies the rub. What kind of wall? The answer to this mysterious question has confounded amateur shelf putter-uppers for generations. Is it a brick wall? A plaster board wall, a stone or concrete wall? Perhaps even the dreaded wattle and daub wall? Each kind presents its own dreaded problems and potential disasters. Is one to use screws, if so of what size and depth? And screw into what? Directly? Into some kind of raw plug? Or are more esoteric fixings required? Expanding bolts? Self tapping plugs? Perhaps even fixings which go into the wall and mysteriously open once there like miniature umbrellas?

And there are other questions too. What kind of brackets to hold the shelf - and should they be mounted above or below? What size should they be, and of what kind? If more than one shelf is required in the same place, would in not be better to use a common rail system? What is behind the wall? You can bet your sweet bippy a thoughtful builder has routed the electical wires for the local district just where you need to drill.

These and other questions make shelving a veritable minefied. I don't expect I'll get it right this time, and even the weather is conspiring against me - too cold to go out, and probably about to snow.

Ah well, God loves a tryer as my grandmother used to say. Bet he got St.Peter to put his damn shelves up!