Rachel S. Heslin

Sick humor

RSHeslin AT gmail DOT com — Thu, 4 Sep 08 10:29:00 UT

I may have posted this before, but I fully intend to blame my current illness and therefore absolve myself of any responsibility for the content of this entry.

Y'know how, when you've got a cold, you sometimes get a large pile of used tissues on your bedside stand, and, after a while, some of the tissues get pushed off by the others onto the floor. Do you know what those falling tissues are called?

Phlegmings.

*ducks*

Concession

RSHeslin AT gmail DOT com — Wed, 3 Sep 08 16:43:00 UT

For some people, it's Christmas.

For me, it's Back To School sales.

However, having recently taken inventory of our current supplies, I must regretfully concede that, since we already have 22 blank single-subject spiral-bound notebooks, it is probably not necessary to purchase more -- even if they are on sale 5/$1.

*sigh*

Hunter's take on school pictures

RSHeslin AT gmail DOT com — Fri, 22 Aug 08 21:52:00 UT

"I tlied to make a silly face, but I accidentally smiled."

(He's been working really, really hard to make proper "L" sounds, and his Rs currently sound like Ls.)

Surreal Botany review

RSHeslin AT gmail DOT com — Fri, 15 Aug 08 10:18:00 UT

(This is a review of the Two Cranes Press chapbook, A Field Guide to Surreal Botany.)

My first impression of Surreal Botany is that it is gorgeous -- amazingly sumptuous, with beautifully nuanced textures and an authentic, "vintage guide to oddities" feel to it. Awesome font choice, among other things.

As for the contents, it really can be summed up by the statement in the introduction: "This book may be read by gardening enthusiasts, paranormal investigators, and conspiracy theorists alike."

It is a fascinating, varied collection showcasing a wide variety of bizarre flora, from adorable (Kitty Willow) to trippy (Time Cactus, Waterbaby Cress) to pedantic (Wild Homilywort) to intellectually intricate (Schattenbaum, Twilight Luon-Sibir) to laugh-out-loud funny (Kvetching Aspen, Big Yellow Flower of Unnecessarily Obvious Information) to -- oh, heck, I want to just list each of the entries, and that's too unwieldy. Some of the entries didn't do much for me, personally, but there were so many entries that were beyond wonderful that those that didn't grab me didn't detract from the overall enjoyment. In addition, each is illustrated by beautiful watercolors that deserved to be framed in their own right.

And, for the sheer quirkiness factor, I'm going to be filing this not with my fiction, but right between Sunset's Western Garden Book and Wildflowers of the San Bernardino Mountains (for the same reason that my dad, a clinical psychologist, stores the copy of The Thackery T. Lambshead Pocket Guide to Eccentric & Discredited Diseases that I gave him next to his DSM IV -- how could you resist?)

Altruistic

RSHeslin AT gmail DOT com — Sun, 3 Aug 08 22:03:00 UT

"Mama, I want mac'n'cheese tonight."

"I don't know, sweetie."

"I want you to make Daddy mac'n'cheese, because he weally wikes mac'n'cheese."

Uh huh. And I'm sure there will be no sharing involved....

Crusaders update

RSHeslin AT gmail DOT com — Mon, 28 Jul 08 15:57:00 UT

Just wanted to give a shout-out to Robb and everyone else who worked on The Crusaders #357: Experiment in Evil!

Congratulations on being awarded the Best Comics-Oriented Film at ComicCon!

:)

Lyrical analysis

RSHeslin AT gmail DOT com — Sat, 26 Jul 08 21:10:00 UT

Listening to Whistling Gypsy Rover, Hunter asks me,

"Why did he whistle and sang til de gween wood wang?"

"Because he was happy and he liked to whistle and sing."

"No, why did he whistle and sang til de GWEEN wood wang?"

Thinks a moment, trying to figure out exactly what he's asking.

"Because he sang so much, it echoed throughout the entire forest -- the woods rang with his singing."

Pause, as he contemplates this.

"Mama, do you fink it would distu'b de ovver aminals?"

"I don't think so. I think they might like it."

"Why do you fink ovver aminals would wike it?"

"Well, birds sing, and that sounds nice, so I'd think that they'd like singing."

"Would squirrels wike it?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"I fink dey would dance."

Matters of great import

RSHeslin AT gmail DOT com — Fri, 25 Jul 08 21:21:00 UT

For some reason, I had the Chad Mitchell Trio's "John Birch Society" going through my head ("Join the John Birch Society, holding off the Reds/We'll use our hands and hearts and, if we must, we'll use our heads").

There's a break at the end where 2/3 of the trio sings "America the Beautiful" while the third member talks about the fears of the era (ending with a unison, "If mommy is a commie, then you gotta turn her in....")

So my mind decided to go through all of "America the Beautiful" and, for the first time, I discovered I have a bit of a problem with it. Specifically, with the line, "God shed his grace on thee." As the food and shelter provider for four cats, I don't know that I particularly want my deity of choice to show favor by shedding all over me. I mean, I go through vacuum bags like crazy as it is.

I wish I could blame this entry on medication or some other known mind-altering substance but, alas, the closest I can honestly claim is an overindulgence in salmon and strawberries.

UPDATE:

Someone gave me a link to the Chad Mitchell Trio doing an updated version entitled, "The George Bush Society":

Parental guidance

RSHeslin AT gmail DOT com — Wed, 23 Jul 08 09:37:00 UT

As I've mentioned before, conscientious parenting is really hard. Shawn and I have been a bit disappointed at the number of Disney flicks his mom has shown to Hunter, since we'd hoped to be able to introduce them to him ourselves, partially because we love introducing Hunter to new things, but partially so we can answer his inevitable questions and help frame some of the "lessons."

Monday, we watched "The Incredibles" together. On the one hand, Shawn and I love the "family working together" aspect of the film. On the other, what is the deal with the "if everyone is special/super, then no one will be" -- ?!??

I am assuming this is a backlash against the part of the "self-esteem movement" that believed that giving kids a bunch of meaningless praise, regardless of their abilities or achievements, would automatically make kids feel good about themselves. The movie also taps into an anti- "go along to get along/dumb yourself down" message which I kind of agree with, except that it seems to imply that only Special people have any value, which is a bunch of crap.

Thus the need for parental guidance. I ended up explaining to Hunter that Syndrome thought that he could be a superhero by giving himself powers and making himself famous, but that's not what being a superhero is about. Being a superhero, a hero, or even just a decent human being, is about helping people, and the only person Syndrome wanted to help was himself.

It may not seem like that big of a deal, but, day in, day out, trying to indoctrinate our little one into believing that the purpose of life is to be nice to people and help others while remaining respectful of his own feelings and experiences can be kind of exhausting.

On the Rise

RSHeslin AT gmail DOT com — Sat, 19 Jul 08 08:38:00 UT

Since a quick Google search turned up "Once More With Feeling" lyrics everywhere online, I am assuming that Mutant Enemy is as permissive with such things as they are with fanfic.

This has been going through my head since I first watched Episode II. (I'm not sure why there's a huge blank space between this paragraph and the table.)

DR. HORRIBLE	PENNY
Any dolt with half a brain Can see that humankind has gone insane To the point that I don't know If I'll upset the status quo If I throw poison into the water main Listen close to everybody's heart And hear that breaking sound Hopes and dreams are shattering apart And crashing to the ground I can not believe my eyes How the world's full of filth and lies But it's plain to see Evil inside of me Is on the rise.
	Look around We're living with the lost and found Just when you feel you've almost drowned You find yourself on solid ground And you believe there's good in everybody's heart Keep it safe and sound With hope, you can do your part To turn a life around I can not believe my eyes Is the world finally growing wise? 'Cause it seems to me Some kind of harmony Is on the rise
Anyone with half a brain Could spend their whole life howling in pain 'Cause the dark is everywhere And Penny doesn't seem to care That soon the dark in me is all that will remain Listen close to everybody's heart And hear that breaking sound Hopes and dreams are shattering apart And crashing to the ground I can not believe my eyes How the world's full of filth and lies But it's plain to see Evil inside of me Is on the rise.	Take it slow He looks at me and seems to know The things that I'm afraid to show And suddenly I feel this glow And I believe there's good in everybody's heart Keep it safe and sound With hope, you can do your part To turn a life around I can not believe my eyes Has the world finally become wise? And it's plain to see Rapture inside of me Is on the rise

I would like to formally apologize for this post

RSHeslin AT gmail DOT com — Thu, 17 Jul 08 00:08:00 UT

I'm sure it's been said before, but I can't help myself.

Captain Hammer is a real tool.

And is it me, or did he borrow his gauntlets from Dr. Finkelstein?

The Crusaders #357: Experiment in Evil!

RSHeslin AT gmail DOT com — Wed, 16 Jul 08 11:52:00 UT

If anyone is interested, a friend of mine has a movie screening at Comic Con this year:

The Crusaders #357: Experiment in Evil!

Trailer available here.

Side to Keith: yes, this is the film Robb was working on that led me to ask about getting Blake's bio from you all those eons ago....

I must be getting old

RSHeslin AT gmail DOT com — Mon, 14 Jul 08 21:49:00 UT

The first episode of "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog" just didn't do it for me.

*shrug*

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

RSHeslin AT gmail DOT com — Fri, 11 Jul 08 21:45:00 UT

I've never used a widget before....

So much for making things easier

RSHeslin AT gmail DOT com — Sun, 6 Jul 08 09:40:00 UT

I am a minimal effort, incrementalist gardener.

For the past few years, I've been dumping my vegetative kitchen scraps in a specific corner of the garden. My theory was that, at the point that I ever get around to planting something there, the scraps will have turned the dirt into yummy, plant-growing soil.

Sounds good, right? Unfortunately, I may have shot myself in the foot.

See, the local varmints (primarily rabbits and ground squirrels) have discovered where they can get the All-You-Can-Scrounge free food. And, as amused as I was to find a hole in the ground stopped up with the too-large remains of a rotted apple, this means that I will need to dig up the entire area and put down chicken wire before I try to plant anything in order to keep the critters from eating my plants.

So much for "minimal effort." :P