Hehe...and all I wanted was the license to practice law!?!?
Hey, Rob: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. :)

If I hadn't made up my mind to jump on in, I couldn't have asked the question I had. However, by making up my mind before asking, I was taking a risk. That is the worst catch 22 there is. After deciding to jump into this *sigh* relationship as Rob has it defined, the conversation with him allowed me to ask a question maybe only other thirty-somethings can understand - is this something that he sees as good for right now (temporary) or is it something he sees as potentially good longer down the road? Neither is solely bad, but both do have independant pros and cons. If a person can be honest and say that s/he does not see him/herself with another person long-term, then the two people, armed with this knowledge, can enjoy the involvement for however long it lasts and know s/he needs to work to keep emotions, etc in check. When it's done, it's done, but it could be enjoyed while it was there. It takes a very strong and honest person to be able to admit that an involvement may only be good for him/her in the short term. Sometimes it is that way because there is something about the other person that s/he knows s/he could not tolerate long term; sometimes it is that there is just that "thing" missing; and other times it is something miscellaneous. Whatever the reason, like I said, each person knows certain things need to be kept in check. When the answer is a potential for the involvement to grow, then there are other pros and cons, which in this case are irrelevant since Rob answered the question as mentioned. I felt like I was kicked in my stomach. Do I regret it? Nope. I told you, if I hadn't made my decision, I never could have asked the question. Having my decision and Rob's answer leads me to a fork in the road (yeah, what a surprise lately, huh?) - I can try to backtrack emotionally and draw a line that I won't cross again or I can say f*** it and, consequences be da**ed, enjoy the fact that I am still capable of deeper emotions and allow them to exist. I know me, and I know if I backtrack, that's it. I won't be able to get here again with him. Rob's fear is that he will get back to where he was not so long ago (where I am now) and I won't let myself get there with him if I backtrack. If I decide to allow myself to keep the feelings, there is a certain risk that I will end up more hurt in the end; BUT there is also risk (yes, risk) that Rob (at least, according to him) may emotionally join back up with me. Risky because, then what? More scary thoughts. Good in a way, but definitely scary. I know I cannot be the only person who has gone through this! I cannot be the only person who ended up in a situation where the mind couldn't be made up despite a few very solid decisions. It's like winning a few battles in the midst of a war. For every decision I do make, there are more to go.

Rob also mentioned his fear (I wonder why it's his fear) that I may not allow myself to get this close to him or anyone else if I decide to backtrack. Can you believe it? His concern is over whether or not I will do this again??? You have GOT to be kidding! Since when does the opposite sex care what consequences may arise down the road?

Compatibility, trust, honesty, communication - we have got them all. There are facets of our involvement which are more akin to a *sigh* relationship than to a friendship; yet, there are others which are excellent friendship elements. Despite his label, our involvement is something beyond friendship, has dating elements, but is not quite dating, and has more serious elements, but the relationship itself is not there. Is there no safer time to allow myself to feel what I do? If I get hurt, okay. Sometimes I think I need to take advice from my Aunt Vicki that I dish out to everyone else - it is better to have the emotions and get hurt than to never feel them at all. Checkmate. Resolve? Still in. Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best, but I am in. Even if it ends being hurt, I have a friendship with Rob that won't disappear just because other involvements together end. No safer place to be.