:Shennanigans:

Well, what can I write, really? So much has been changed in my life by the past several months, that I have a difficult time focusing on anything other than achievements. I've posted some fairly innocuous entries and strayed away from things sitting too personal, and even happy things that have, for whatever reason, seemed so much more personal to me than ever before. It is almost like I am guarding all cherished memories from any outsiders, in case they are yanked away-like they were not supposed to belong to me in the first place.

I know, it seems so un-sensical, but I have a constant nagging fear that, after the last four months have gone SO well, that someone is going to wake me up, tell me I dreamed it all, and that none of the happy days and memories are mine to keep. Another part of me feels like denial-like I cannot believe it was me that went through it all; like I did not have anything so major happen to me. . .almost like it was all a big bad nightmare.

I have never found myself counted among the *luckiest*, but, alas, I have beaten the 1 in 5 odds and have my hearing (and, better still, very few permanent side effects); I have an incredible husband who was able to keep it together, for both me and him, and worked so very hard to make sure we kept it together financially while I was on med leave; I have friends who have given me so much strength and support, even when their own lives were running amock; my family put aside differences when needed and was there, win or lose; and I have bosses who ROCK and patiently waited for me, sending get-wells and baskets along the way. How much luckier *could* I get, seriously.

And then, I wait to be woken up.

I have been told by my doc, told by others who have gone through similar circumstances and results, and read in blogs, that this is common. There are so few of us that have beat the odds, that it makes it hard to really get a grasp on the notion that we really are where we are, post-op. I have also learned, although my progress is WELL ahead of 'schedule', I still have alot more progress and work to complete. Things will not become more stabilized/adjusted until after one year to eighteen months post-op. When I look at the significant improvements in the four months since my surgery, twelve to eighteen months seems so incomprehensible to me!

However, there are a few people I have been in touch with that, three and five years later, are still dealing with side effects. The side effects I have are balance, vertigo, patches of numbness, problems dealing with an overabundance of sounds at one time (multiple conversations, radio or tv with conversation, etc), and driving-mostly due to multiple sounds, loud sounds, and balance. My physical therapist is astounded by my progress and quick ability to learn to adapt and make necessary accomodations. I will admit, part of it is simply my refusal to accept the worst prospects; I WILL do everything in my power to obtain the best results possible.

Because of this, I was able to receive my work release. Although I wanted to go back earlier, I am glad I listened to my docs and waited for their consent. Even in the past few weeks, I am amazed by the improvements!

And so it goes, I DID return to work this past Monday. The first order of business was a business trip. Whew! It near kicked my a**! It felt so good to be back, and to have something to focus on other than the house or recovery, but, man oh man, I have slept more hours this weekend than I usually sleep in a week!

The business trip went splendidly, and I achieved all the goals set for the trip. I have one loose end that needs to be tied up, but it will settle itself very soon and quite easily. I return to my regular location/schedule as of Monday, barring any instruction from my boss to the contrary. I am very much looking forward to getting into a routine and back into the full swing of things. I am sure it will be some period of time before I can easily go through a week without difficulty; I will work on my resilience, strength, and stamina hope they will be back to normal sooner, rather than later.

Let me tell you, financially it was very tight and rough while I was not working, and it could not have been better timing for me to go back-we budgeted perfectly, for up to four months. We cut that by the hair on our chinny-chin-chins! I returned ONE day after the four month mark. Eeek! We actually could have pulled off one more month without eating into our savings or investments, but, Lordy oh Lordy-we are planners to the *umpteenth* degree.

Over the past few months, I have written about some of the fun things R and I have done together, but, as I wrote earlier, I kept some near and dear to my heart. I may write about some of them later, but, for now, they are locked tightly and securely away in my heart and mind.

R did have a biz conference of his own two weeks ago, but, for obvious and non-obvious reasons, I wil post about THAT *experience* in a private entry. All I will say publicly is, "Gah!" Nah, actually I will say one more thing-I went to Disneyland with my mom during one day of his conference (held in Anaheim). . .nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah! I had to avoid the high speed coasters, and *should* have avoided a few rides I chose to push my limits on, but we had an amzing time. We did not wait in any line for more than 20-25 minutes the entire day! LoL-Finding Nemo (the submarine voyage) had grown to a line more than two hours in length after the park was open only 23 minutes! Unreal. Hehehe. . .first come, first serve, suckas!

Hehehehe-my mom's favorite ride is Small World; it happened to be closed. *does a happy dance behind mom's back* You want to know the reason? Yes, you know you do! Per the Executive we spoke to, it is because of the average weight of Americans. See, when the ride was built, passengers were estimated to be a *certain* average weight; thus, the ride was built with "X" amount of space between the bottom of the boat and the concrete waterway. Since that time, passengers have become heavier than anticipated and have begun to bottom-out the boats during portions of the ride. Thus, the ride was emptied of water, the waterway made deeper below the water tracks, and, while making the major repairs, the children, stereo amplification, and lighting have also been upgraded/redone. It was really quite odd to go by the ride and see it all covered in tarp-even the clock tower. It was wonderful, however, to not have that da** song in my head all day.

Mom and I met up with R in Downtown Disney for dinner. After that, R and I went back to the parks until close. We did some more pin trading, watched some fireworks (with my hands over my ears), avoided the parades and shows, and had an incredible time.

We were both exhausted the next day, but at least he had only one more day of the conference to get through. I took care enough with my head and hearing that I had some increased tinnitus, but nothing as bad as it could have been without exercising caution.

Oh, and for those of you wondering about that *little* earthquake? Hehe. . .I was in shower on the 7th floor of the hotel when it hit. Initially, it shook a little, kinda like a heavy cart was going down the hallway; then, the entire place began swaying. I had shampoo in my hair, but that did not stop me from slamming off the water, jumping out of the shower and into the door-jam of the bathroom! In my head, I had a dialogue arguing back and forth, similar to this:

TRAINED SELF: get the f*** out of here!
COMMON SENSE: I am butt a** naked, with shampoo in my hair and on the 7th floor-how the He** will I get downstairs?!

I had to wait a bit before I could even crawl to the phone-OMFG, the vertigo was horrible! When I finally got there, I called down to make sure the hotel was not evacuating, especially in light of the strength of the aftershock. (They did not evac.) Then I grabbed my phone to read the beeping instant message from R making sure I was okay. None of the folks in the conference could get any info, so I turned on the tv and provided R the initial info available so he could pass it along to others.

It took a bit of time for the vertigo to pass and my nerves to settle. Once those happened, I jumped into the shower, rinsed out my hair, got dressed, and went down to the lobby. I did not go back to the room until R was with me after his conference ended for the day.

The sad thing was that the earthquake hit on the first day of the California Bar Exam. Some of the Anaheim exam takers were staying in our hotel. I have never seen so many drinks ordered on a night of the exam, or so many tears and freaking out. I have seen all of those things happen before, but never quite like this time. I felt so awful for them. One good thing was that Anaheim is a writing location-they did not have to deal with computers etc when it happened. The other good thing is that they only missed part of the time for essay 3; they were back after lunch. The bad part is that nerves were frazzled and it was only day 1-two more days to go. From what the takers said, there were many empty seats on day 2, and not because they were attorney exam takers (who do not have to take the MBE on day 2). I wish them all the very best.

I can say I *almost* know how they feel because my testing center flooded during the exam. The HUGE difference is that my debacle occurred on day 3-I only had to make it to the end of that day, not that day and two more. Oh, the memory is so painful, even now.

Well, well, well, I think I have written more than I thought I had to write! I hope to write more regularly now that I am getting back to some sort of schedule, but please bear with me if fatigue wins out over the next few weeks.

Arrivederci!

Ghost Orchid - are they not simply lovely?

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2008-08-10 5:01 PM Hehehe - finally... Previous Entry :: Next Entry Mood: exhausted, but happy Read/Post Comments (5)	Well, what can I write, really? So much has been changed in my life by the past several months, that I have a difficult time focusing on anything other than achievements. I've posted some fairly innocuous entries and strayed away from things sitting too personal, and even happy things that have, for whatever reason, seemed so much more personal to me than ever before. It is almost like I am guarding all cherished memories from any outsiders, in case they are yanked away-like they were not supposed to belong to me in the first place. I know, it seems so un-sensical, but I have a constant nagging fear that, after the last four months have gone SO well, that someone is going to wake me up, tell me I dreamed it all, and that none of the happy days and memories are mine to keep. Another part of me feels like denial-like I cannot believe it was me that went through it all; like I did not have anything so major happen to me. . .almost like it was all a big bad nightmare. I have never found myself counted among the luckiest, but, alas, I have beaten the 1 in 5 odds and have my hearing (and, better still, very few permanent side effects); I have an incredible husband who was able to keep it together, for both me and him, and worked so very hard to make sure we kept it together financially while I was on med leave; I have friends who have given me so much strength and support, even when their own lives were running amock; my family put aside differences when needed and was there, win or lose; and I have bosses who ROCK and patiently waited for me, sending get-wells and baskets along the way. How much luckier could I get, seriously. And then, I wait to be woken up. I have been told by my doc, told by others who have gone through similar circumstances and results, and read in blogs, that this is common. There are so few of us that have beat the odds, that it makes it hard to really get a grasp on the notion that we really are where we are, post-op. I have also learned, although my progress is WELL ahead of 'schedule', I still have alot more progress and work to complete. Things will not become more stabilized/adjusted until after one year to eighteen months post-op. When I look at the significant improvements in the four months since my surgery, twelve to eighteen months seems so incomprehensible to me! However, there are a few people I have been in touch with that, three and five years later, are still dealing with side effects. The side effects I have are balance, vertigo, patches of numbness, problems dealing with an overabundance of sounds at one time (multiple conversations, radio or tv with conversation, etc), and driving-mostly due to multiple sounds, loud sounds, and balance. My physical therapist is astounded by my progress and quick ability to learn to adapt and make necessary accomodations. I will admit, part of it is simply my refusal to accept the worst prospects; I WILL do everything in my power to obtain the best results possible. Because of this, I was able to receive my work release. Although I wanted to go back earlier, I am glad I listened to my docs and waited for their consent. Even in the past few weeks, I am amazed by the improvements! And so it goes, I DID return to work this past Monday. The first order of business was a business trip. Whew! It near kicked my a*! It felt so good to be back, and to have something to focus on other than the house or recovery, but, man oh man, I have slept more hours this weekend than I usually sleep in a week! The business trip went splendidly, and I achieved all the goals set for the trip. I have one loose end that needs to be tied up, but it will settle itself very soon and quite easily. I return to my regular location/schedule as of Monday, barring any instruction from my boss to the contrary. I am very much looking forward to getting into a routine and back into the full swing of things. I am sure it will be some period of time before I can easily go through a week without difficulty; I will work on my resilience, strength, and stamina hope they will be back to normal sooner, rather than later. Let me tell you, financially it was very tight and rough while I was not working, and it could not have been better timing for me to go back-we budgeted perfectly, for up to four months. We cut that by the hair on our chinny-chin-chins! I returned ONE day after the four month mark. Eeek! We actually could have pulled off one more month without eating into our savings or investments, but, Lordy oh Lordy-we are planners to the umpteenth* degree. Over the past few months, I have written about some of the fun things R and I have done together, but, as I wrote earlier, I kept some near and dear to my heart. I may write about some of them later, but, for now, they are locked tightly and securely away in my heart and mind. R did have a biz conference of his own two weeks ago, but, for obvious and non-obvious reasons, I wil post about THAT experience in a private entry. All I will say publicly is, "Gah!" Nah, actually I will say one more thing-I went to Disneyland with my mom during one day of his conference (held in Anaheim). . .nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah! I had to avoid the high speed coasters, and should have avoided a few rides I chose to push my limits on, but we had an amzing time. We did not wait in any line for more than 20-25 minutes the entire day! LoL-Finding Nemo (the submarine voyage) had grown to a line more than two hours in length after the park was open only 23 minutes! Unreal. Hehehe. . .first come, first serve, suckas! Hehehehe-my mom's favorite ride is Small World; it happened to be closed. does a happy dance behind mom's back You want to know the reason? Yes, you know you do! Per the Executive we spoke to, it is because of the average weight of Americans. See, when the ride was built, passengers were estimated to be a certain average weight; thus, the ride was built with "X" amount of space between the bottom of the boat and the concrete waterway. Since that time, passengers have become heavier than anticipated and have begun to bottom-out the boats during portions of the ride. Thus, the ride was emptied of water, the waterway made deeper below the water tracks, and, while making the major repairs, the children, stereo amplification, and lighting have also been upgraded/redone. It was really quite odd to go by the ride and see it all covered in tarp-even the clock tower. It was wonderful, however, to not have that da** song in my head all day. Mom and I met up with R in Downtown Disney for dinner. After that, R and I went back to the parks until close. We did some more pin trading, watched some fireworks (with my hands over my ears), avoided the parades and shows, and had an incredible time. We were both exhausted the next day, but at least he had only one more day of the conference to get through. I took care enough with my head and hearing that I had some increased tinnitus, but nothing as bad as it could have been without exercising caution. Oh, and for those of you wondering about that little earthquake? Hehe. . .I was in shower on the 7th floor of the hotel when it hit. Initially, it shook a little, kinda like a heavy cart was going down the hallway; then, the entire place began swaying. I had shampoo in my hair, but that did not stop me from slamming off the water, jumping out of the shower and into the door-jam of the bathroom! In my head, I had a dialogue arguing back and forth, similar to this: TRAINED SELF: get the f* out of here! COMMON SENSE: I am butt a naked, with shampoo in my hair and on the 7th floor-how the He** will I get downstairs?! I had to wait a bit before I could even crawl to the phone-OMFG, the vertigo was horrible! When I finally got there, I called down to make sure the hotel was not evacuating, especially in light of the strength of the aftershock. (They did not evac.) Then I grabbed my phone to read the beeping instant message from R making sure I was okay. None of the folks in the conference could get any info, so I turned on the tv and provided R the initial info available so he could pass it along to others. It took a bit of time for the vertigo to pass and my nerves to settle. Once those happened, I jumped into the shower, rinsed out my hair, got dressed, and went down to the lobby. I did not go back to the room until R was with me after his conference ended for the day. The sad thing was that the earthquake hit on the first day of the California Bar Exam. Some of the Anaheim exam takers were staying in our hotel. I have never seen so many drinks ordered on a night of the exam, or so many tears and freaking out. I have seen all of those things happen before, but never quite like this time. I felt so awful for them. One good thing was that Anaheim is a writing location-they did not have to deal with computers etc when it happened. The other good thing is that they only missed part of the time for essay 3; they were back after lunch. The bad part is that nerves were frazzled and it was only day 1-two more days to go. From what the takers said, there were many empty seats on day 2, and not because they were attorney exam takers (who do not have to take the MBE on day 2). I wish them all the very best. I can say I almost know how they feel because my testing center flooded during the exam. The HUGE difference is that my debacle occurred on day 3-I only had to make it to the end of that day, not that day and two more. Oh, the memory is so painful, even now. Well, well, well, I think I have written more than I thought I had to write! I hope to write more regularly now that I am getting back to some sort of schedule, but please bear with me if fatigue wins out over the next few weeks. Arrivederci! Ghost Orchid - are they not simply lovely? Read/Post Comments (5) Previous Entry :: Next Entry Back to Top
:: JOURNAL HOME :: SUBSCRIBE TO THIS JOURNAL :: Brainsalad :: Friendly Fiction - Adventures in writing. :: Girl Child :: JamTart :: Kenny :: LisaMarie :: Netter...and her Empire :: Reenie :: RT :: Scout :: SmartiPlants :: WordWebbing ::