I don't think I'm going to make it here until 5:00. I know I only have 85 minutes to go, but this day is crawling and I can't take it anymore. I worked last night but was home by midnight so I don't know why I'm so tired and lethargic, but this workday is draaaaaaaaaaaging. Ugh.

I'm being antisocial again tonight. I'm not going anywhere (well, except maybe shopping, it is pay day after all) and I don't want anyone to bug me. I've already declined two invitations to go out. I'd rather stay home and clean my bathroom. Did I just say I'd rather stay home and clean my bathroom? God, how boring am I?

I'm just looking forward to fixing everything at home. I haven't had any goals, other than wake up, work, eat, and sleep these days. It makes me feel better for some reason. I can't wait to go bed shopping this weekend either. I'm totally psyched.

I am, however disturbingly, having issues that are making me feel like your typical whiny single girl. Jeff is angry with me...he's actually giving me the silent treatment. As much as I don't want to admit it to myself, the whole situation is really bothering me. I've insisted that I don't really care about him or what happens with him for the last six months. So does the fact that I'm bothered by this lack of communication simply mean that I'm in denial about my feelings for him? Ew. I said "feelings for him." I hate when people talk like that...but I don't know how else to express this thing.

This all started on Saturday when he was in the "neighborhood" and wanted to stop over. I had a fit. It was just not a good time...but that's not entirely true. I've been telling him that "it's not a good time" for almost six months now. He's been patient, but I haven't budged an inch. I can't really explain why I feel uncomfortable having him over, and I've tried to explain it, yet even I don't undertand. How can I expect him to?

So after our conversation on Saturday I stayed awake for hours replaying the last year in my head, and I came to a conclusion. I need to get my life together and move on. I need to learn how to let other people in my life. So I've started packing some of Sam's things away and making some changes at home. I figure the easiest way for me to move forward on the inside is to work on my surroundings. I came to the conclusion that I would invite Jeff over one night this week and just get it over with...deal with it and see how I feel. Only I can't invite the bonehead over if he won't take my calls, now can I?

Well, back to work. Only 70 minutes left.