Woman Says She Found Condom In Soup

Four Dinner Companions File Suit

POSTED: 8:30 a.m. EST November 11, 2003

SANTA ANA, Calif. -- It was chewy all right. But it wasn't a clam.

Laila Sultan claims she found a condom in her clam chowder at McCormick and Schmick's Seafood Restaurant in Irvine, Calif. Sultan said after she spit out the unwrapped condom, she spent the next 15 minutes in a restroom vomiting and has since seen a psychiatrist and taken medication for depression and anxiety.
Sultan and her three female dinner companions are suing the upscale restaurant claiming negligence and intentional infliction of emotional distress.

The other three women also had the soup that day.
A lawyer for the restaurant says McCormick and Schmick's has no idea how the condom got in the soup.
The lawyer said there's no evidence that either the restaurant or an employee was source of the condom.
The case is set for Jan. 12.

*****

Well, now there's a tactic that I haven't thought to try. It might pose a few logistical problems, but hell, I'm sure I could find the time to slip some of my VERY special guests something of this caliber.

God, that would just make my life complete...my one true moment of glory.

So I've been trolling through my Amazon Wish List this morning, making general tweaks and such, when I realized that the damn thing is still over 300 items long. Now, short of winning the state lottery that I never buy tickets for (so I suppose I'd have to stumble on the winning ticket somehow...maybe in the condom soup), I'll never be able to afford all of them, and yet I find that I cannot remove any of the 333 books, DVDs, CDs, or video games because they are all indispensable to my development as a fully evolved individual.

This leaves me with only one solution.

I'm sending all of my friends Single and Alone announcements. This is going to be sort of like those It's a Girl announcements, only I'll have a picture of a naked man and a martini on the front instead of a stork. I figure since I've never been married or given birth I should no longer be denied the right of making a list of presents that I want and mailing it to all of my friends, relatives, coworkers, and minor acquaintances. Only there will be no stupid party with ridiculous games and presents. The gifts can be mailed straight to my home.

So basically, the announcements will say,

"Hey, I'm Still Single and Alone! I've bought all of you parents and married freaks gifts! Now it's my turn! Buy gifts listen on the enclosed registry and ship to the address on the bottom of this announcement!"

Disclaimer: If you do not feel that being single and alone is deserving of said gifts, simply sit back and wait for me to try to screw your boyfriend/husband or bring you a homemade batch of, ahem, clam chowder.