The madness all began on Saturday night. It was my last night at the restaurant, and surprisingly, a part of me almost felt like I’d miss it. Of course, that part of me can more aptly be described as my wallet, but I still felt a strangeness that can’t quite be described. Perhaps it’s because, with serving jobs, I rarely leave on good terms. Or perhaps I know that there are a few people there that I’ll never see again, and I might actually miss them. Who knows?

So after the shift I headed up to a nearby bar with some fellow workers. I’d never been to that particular bar with that particular crowd, and let me just say that I wasn’t missing anything. I sat next to a 23-year old who went up to the bar after procuring a ride home from someone else (I did NOT want her at my house) and ordered a shot of blackhaus, a jager bomb, and a draft beer. Then I watched her drink them all and order a second round of the same. Why? Well, apparently she does that most nights and thinks it’s amusing, so I spent the rest of the night trying not to strangle her. To make matters worse, her supposed ride left her at the bar, and I was left (along with little Jeff’s big brother) to deal with her.

After much persuading and key wrestling we managed to shove her in the back of LJ’s bro’s Jeep and get out of there. I had agreed to follow them home, and ended up hanging out there for the rest of the night. The obnoxious drunk grew more obnioxious as the night progressed, which was annoying up until she started hanging all over Little Jeff and then I started to get completely pissed (I'm not really sure why). Eventually things calmed down, and I ended up spending the night in a very cuddly fashion with Jeff, which was incredible. It’s been, what, over 18 months since I spent the night that close to someone, and it was great. I’m starting to care less and less that this dude is way too young (and just completely wrong) for me, which is a terrible sign.

Sunday morning I woke up, left Jeff to deal with the drunkard upstairs, and headed home to take the dogs out and get ready for Brittany (Sam’s daughter) and Brooke’s (Sam’s niece) birthday party at the park. Jessica picked me up and dragged my sleep-deprived bum to the store to pick up some chips for the party and some birthday cards. I was very worried about going to this party. So much has changed since Sam’s been gone, and I’ve changed so much in the last year since Brittany’s last party. I feel less compelled to hang on to things so tightly, like his children, his friends, and his family. I’ve had to let go. Working as much as I have been in the last year helped matters. I couldn’t hang on to everything as much as I would’ve liked to, and working so many hours was actually good for me in so many ways. I needed so much to let go and move on. The problem with that, however, is that I was worried about how his family would react to me. I was expecting things to be a bit chilly and, in some circumstances, they were, but it honestly didn’t bother me. I felt so much less pressure than I’ve felt in a long time.

The party gave me a chance to spend some time with the kids and observe the changes in them. Sammy is looking more and more like his father every day. He’s finally started to fill out a bit and has his father’s stocky, wrestler frame. He’s still sweet to me, but I saw him yell at his mother a few times, and I was shocked. It wasn’t the sweet Sammy that I know. Speaking of his mother, and this is horrible, but I was thrilled to notice that the girl got huge. Yes, I’m petty and evil, but she looked like complete shit. The woman’s a witch, and I couldn’t help feeling so gratified to see her looking so awful. She’s got nothing on me, and I suppose I’ve finally realized it.

Brittany, on the other hand, was something else entirely. I fear for her, and I truly believe that the loss of Sam will affect her more than anyone. However, it’s difficult to feel for her and want to support her and help her when she’s turned into a complete and utter wench. Yes, I suppose I could blame her age (just turned 11) but things are completely out of control with her. She’s her mother’s daughter through and through (and when I tell you that her mother is a complete psycho, believe me…even I was unprepared for her diabolical nature). Brittany always had a tendency to behave inappropriately at her mother’s house, but when Sam and I had her it was a completely different affair. She listened to us and was sweet and well-behaved. Now? Well, now it’s a completely different story. If Sam where here there is no way in hell that she would get away with the shit she’s trying to pull, and while I would have loved to pull her aside and have a word with her, that place is not mine. So there you have it. Last year this feeling of helplessness would’ve made me sick, and now I just can’t get upset about it. There’s nothing that I can do. I just hope she’s not pregnant by the time she’s 14.

After playing with the kids and socializing for a few hours, I was completely wiped. I headed home with the intention of taking a “nap” and ended up sleeping until Monday morning. I headed to work early in the morning, psyched that I could leave work early for my first bike ride of the summer (well, other than Hawaii, I suppose). I made it about three miles away from home on the newly tuned-up bike when what should happen? I got a flat. Since I was on a relatively tame ride (don’t tackle the off-road stuff until mid-June, when I’m in a bit better shape) I wasn’t prepared with a pump or patch kit. I was also pretty ticked because I had just picked the bike up from the bike shop after having paid $100 for a tune-up, new tires, new tubes, new brakes, and new handle grips. There was no sign of a puncture, so I blamed the bike shop, called them to yell at them, and had them fix it for free. Luckily I was biking with a cell phone, something I’ve never done before, so I didn’t have to push the bike 3 miles home.

Monday night was the first night of our summer session of darts. I actually managed to have Jessica join me, she was on vacation this week, and it was an all-girl drink fest. I usually don’t drink during the week but I figured I may not drink with Jess and the others for a while and since I don’t work two jobs anymore, I didn’t think being tired on Tuesday would be such a big deal. We had a great time, didn’t shoot darts so well, and then I headed down the street to a bowling alley where friends of mine from the restaurant regularly meet for Monday night bowling. Little Jeff had asked me to join them dozens of times and I figured since I was in the neighborhood I would stop up for a bit. I ended up playing a few more dart games at the alley and didn’t leave until 2:30 am. The party moved to Little Jeff’s house and I decided to play hookey from work on Tuesday and take a sick day.

After another night of cuddling I stopped home to let the dogs out before heading out to IHOP for breakfast with Jeff and some of my former coworkers. Afterwards we went to the movies (one of the guys I was with got us in free) to see Van Helsing (TERRIBLE!). Jeff came home with me to walk the dogs again before we planned on going to Borders for some more hedonistic activity. As we walked the dogs I realized that something was definitely wrong with my little Zeus’s bum and had to call the vet in a panic. The vet needed to see him right away, so poor Jeff had to drive me to the vet while Zeus sat his enflamed bum right on his lap. Zeus’s bum problem resulted from an inflamed gland and the vet had to sedate him to fix it. I, of course, got extremely upset when Zeus was knocked out, and couldn’t help but cry. When they revived him the poor dog walked like he was drunk, stumbled out of the office, and bumped into every wall and doorway that we passed. He’s ok now, but I have to keep cleaning the area, which is sort of gross, and he’s on steroids that make him drink and pee a hell of a lot.

To be honest, it was really nice to have someone with me when I went. My dogs mean the world to me, and I was panicked at the thought that Zeus was sick. I was so afraid that it was something that I had caused and felt guilty that I haven't been home with them as often as I should be. Jeff, the sweetheart, held my hand the entire time that I cried in the vet’s office. I even sent him to the bank to get money for me to pay the vet, and he was kind and supportive the entire time. It’s so strange to have someone with me for things like that. I’m so used to being alone and taking care of things all the time that it feels so strange to have someone with me at times like that.

Wednesday and last night were pretty uneventful. I’m taking care of my much delayed spring cleaning, trying to get it all taken care of by the end of the weekend. I want it out of the way so I can relax and enjoy myself for the next few weeks. I’m not sure what this weekend holds. I plan on drinking some wine with Jessica tonight, biking tomorrow if the weather holds up, seeing a movie with Jeff on Sunday, and cleaning and fixing my lawnmower someplace in between.

I’m just amazed at the amount of free time that I have right now. It’s incredible. Most people work 40 hours a week and feel that they have little time to do other things. When you go from working 60-70 hour weeks to 40, you feel like you are on perpetual vacation. That’s exactly how I feel right now…free. I don’t think anyone could alter my good mood if they tried.