This morning on NPR, I listed to a StoryCorps segment that froze me. It was a father, Hector Black, talking about his daughter, Patricia Ann Nuckles, who had been murdered by an intruder who had hidden in her closet.

The convicted murderer was very remorseful in court, and Black mentioned that the murderer, Ivan Simpson, had "tears streaming down his cheeks" as he apologized. Black then said that later, that night, he "felt as though a tremendous weight had been lifted from me ... and that I had forgiven him."

Simpson's mother was in a mental hospital when she gave birth to him and Simpson had watched his mother drown his sister when he was a kid. That's not to make excuses for Simpson, but I think his history, coupled with his remorse, paved the way for Black to forgive him.

Black's voice (Can relentless and incalculable sadness be etched in someone's voice? Or was I reading too much into it?) and his story grabbed me and put me back in another place--a courtroom in Tacoma, Washington in early October 2005. Listening to Black caused my mind to instinctively leap back...to see Nancy's blank and remorseless demeanor as I made my statement.

Would I feel differently about Nancy if she showed some remorse that day? I don't know. Would I feel, like Black, "tremendous weight" lifted from my shoulders if I forgave Nancy? I don't know, but it is a somewhat moot question because I don't plan on forgiving her. The words of the religious leader I spoke to the night before Nancy's sentencing hearing will perhaps ring in my mind until my last days: The man banged his fist in his palm as he said, "You not only have the right not to forgive Nancy, you have the OBLIGATION not to forgive her." Which is perhaps why certain religious conflicts are so intractable, but that is a different story for another day. (An old middle east saying: "If I don't get to kill you, my son will kill your son. And if my son does not get that opportunity, my grandson will kill your grandson.")

A separate question: Many murderers are such good liars and deceivers that it is nearly impossible to determine if any remorse is genuine--are they just remorseful that they got caught, or do they truly feel remorse about committing the crime?

But here's a Pollyanna thought about the whole thing: If Nancy had been weeping in court and begging forgiveness and expressing remorse (instead of being calm and business-like, even correcting the judge when she misspoke about the length of Nancy's sentence) then I would probably always wonder if Nancy really had any remorse, or if it was just an act...after all, she had fooled a lot of people into thinking she was not dangerous in the first place.

But I don't have to wonder: Nancy showed no remorse whatsoever, and I wouldn't change a word of the statement I made in court, which I just looked up and will leave you with an excerpt:

"On that day, I got an unobstructed view into Nancy’s heart of hearts, the very core of her being. And I what I saw was revolting. What I saw is who she really is--a *coward* and a *cold-blooded killer*.

I have heard soldiers say that every time they kill someone in combat, they lose a little piece of their soul. I think that's probably true, and I also think that if a person plans and executes a sneak attack on their spouse by way of a gunshot to the back of the head while the spouse is asleep, then the person who did the shooting doesn't just lose a *piece* of their soul, they lose *all* of it."