You know you’ve lived in L.A. awhile when you’re driving to the dentist’s office, turn down a side street to park (not even dentists’ offices have adequate, if any, parking here), see a movie shoot going on and you’re first thought is not “cool.” It’s not even your second thought or your one hundred and second one. Your first thought is something more along the lines of “mother f-ing bastards are blocking off ten – no, twelve! – perfectly good parking spots.”

At least, that’s your thought if you’re me. It’s amazing how much my life has begun to revolve around finding parking, but that’s another blog.

Unable to turn around, I squeezed down the longest alley in the known universe, parked half a mile from the dentist and had to hoof it back, my opinion of the movie industry plummeting further and further with each step.

As it turned out, the heavily windowed waiting room was directly across from the action, what there was of it. The shoot was actually taking place in a coffee shop and either for artistic or privacy reasons large black curtains where hung across all the shops windows. (This is normal. Every movie shoot that’s f-ed up my parking in the past has had the same curtains. Apparently Black Curtains ‘R Us is doing a booming business.) So I watched all the other people, the non-needing-to-be-behind-the-curtain people, while I waited for a guy in a white coat to go after my gums with Captain Hook’s spare attachment.

The truth is they don’t seem to do much. Most of them didn’t look like they’d meet the minimum age requirement of a U.S. senator. (If you don’t know, look it up; and if you’re really nice, I won’t call your middle school civics teacher.)

They all wore black t-shirts and/or flannel and looked like they could’ve climbed some of the ladders lying around or performed some maneuver with a hammer if they weren’t so busy drinking their Starbucks. In case someone tried to steal their coffee, there were at least two police officers standing on the corner looking mildly amused along with some fire department personnel whose job was entirely unclear. Mostly they sat in folding chairs. And to round it out, I’m pretty sure I saw a truck for some sort of medical company. I had no idea shooting in a coffee shop was so dangerous.

I also didn’t know it required so many headsets, which no one was talking in. Not once. It actually appears to be a power thing. “MY job requires me to be in such constant communication that I must – at all times – wear this absurd contraption on my head. I am important. See that guy over there? No headset. Sorry bastard.”

And then...well, and then absolutely nothing. No one appeared to do anything. And when I’d been properly mauled by the dental assistant and was on my way back to Siberia where I’d left my car, there was still nothing. No one had moved. Not an inch.

No wonder movies cost so much. And I have to say, I’m feeling a little more bitter about that $10 ticket price after today, too. I think with a little downsizing, I could get my parking back and have to pay no more than $7.50. And we can start by selling off some of those freakin’ headsets.