I don’t know what nefarious fiend sold my e-mail address to the seedy underworld of Viagra advertisements and con-filled spam. But I will find out. Oh yes, yes I will!

(Author is hunched over in her chair like a cyber-era Igor, all blurry eyes and facial ticks, from hours of weeding through and deleting the crap from her inbox, from refining her spam blocker programs and practicing her curse words.)

I will find the bottom-dwelling slime sucker! And I will destroy him! I will hit him where he lives, in the basement bedroom of his parent’s house in Hoboken, no doubt. I will beat the pimple-faced little twit senseless with his own keyboard. I will trash him with his own computer mouse. No mercy!

NO MERCY!

In other news, I’d posted some weeks ago that a number of jellyfish, something like nine, had recently come to inhabit my previously jellyfish-free marina. Apparently one of the jellyfish put an add for roommates in the “Jellyfish Times.” Yesterday, I personally counted over one hundred on my five minute walk along the water to the gym. And those were just the ones I could see.

This can’t possibly be a good sign. Canned goods, I have to remember to buy canned goods. Canned goods, bottled water and a flashlight.