In my fantasies, I am a rugged outdoors woman. A maker of trail mix, a hiker of woods, able to pitch a small pup tent in a single bound.

In reality, my Girl Scout leader (I swear I’m not making this up) was an aerobics instructor who helped us all get our (still not making this up) “personal appearance” badges i.e. makeup application.

But I’m not letting this stop me. I have reserved a tent at Yosemite National Park for my husband and my anniversary trip. I am buying bug spray and scoping out my local REI. I am shopping for my very first sleeping bag. Well, my second if you count the Strawberry Shortcake number I had in first grade, which I don’t. (The aerobics instructor didn’t camp, so there was no need for anything more rugged.)

Giant sequoias and bear safety classes, here I come!

Of course, being a rugged outdoors woman hasn’t robbed me completely of my normal personality. I’m still planning this trip within an inch of its life, which involves considerable time perusing the various activities available to park visitors. Including (drum roll, please) horseback riding.

What I said: Oh look, honey. They have horseback riding.
What I meant: This is the activity I have been dreaming of since I was five years old and combing out the rainbow tail of My Little Pony.

What my husband said: (long pause) We can go horseback riding in you want.
What he meant: I would rather contract small pox than go horseback riding.

What I said: You’re not afraid of horses are you?
What I meant: I double-dog dare you to go on this ride with me.

What he said: No.
What he meant. Maybe just a little.

I will, of course, be making sure there is lots and lots of photographic evidence of this particular activity.

In the meantime, I have research to do.

Down vs. synthetic sleeping bags: The great universal question.