You know what really ruins the look of an up-to-there mini skirt? Being so drunk you can have an entire half-chewed package of gum – including the wrapper – stuck to your butt and not know it. No firm 18-year-old legs can make up for a package of Bubblicious fossilizing on your ass. Just can’t do it.

That’s also the best part of being a visiting alumni – knowing that’ll never be you again. That and drinking in all your old haunts but ordering much better booze. (God, did we ever actually drink things involving melon schnapps?)

Some old friends from college and I flew back to the old alma mater for homecoming, and an absurdly good time was had by all, mostly revolving around conversations that started, “Hey! You remember that time when...” and “Whatever happened to...?”

Of course, mostly you’re just remembering each other back before people got married, had kids, got divorced, got mortgages, went to law school and had real problems. Back when the line between yourself and graduation was clearly marked with maps and sign posts and everything else was past the horizon. Mostly you’re remembering how good you had it then even though you didn’t know it.

It was a blast, guys. And I can’t wait to do it again.