Easter is still a month away, but my grocery store’s “seasonal” aisle is already loaded down with plastic grass, stuffed bunnies and enough sugar to send you into a diabetic coma. This can only mean one thing: Peeps. Fluffy, white marshmallow covered in dyed sugar granules and extruded in the shape of barnyard animals. What’s better than that, I ask you? Nothing. Nothing at all. It is truly joyous.

But this year is special. This year when my husband and I throw our annual Easter party, we will be adding a contest. A Peep-off! All guests are encouraged to make their best Peep-centered dessert for judging by our expert panel.

We’re defining expert as anyone actually willing to consume that much sugar in one sitting.

I’m already planning my entry. Peep-Krispie Treats. I found a recipe that suggests decapitating each chick Peep and using the heads as garnish. It’s a little bit Spanish Inquisition perhaps, a warning to all Peeps who travel this road. But it couldn’t possibly be more scary than the last time I tried to make Krispie Treats. If the stove top is easy, my reasoning went, then the microwave would make it even easier.

Not so much.

Microwave + marshmallow = something like if tile caulk and rubber bands mated.

Perhaps I should practice my recipe beforehand...