(Okay, I’m taking a few artistic liberties with the quotes – you know, ’cause I can. But the underlying substance of the following exchange is absolutely true.)

My husband, much to his utter dismay, was called into jury duty recently and brought into a courtroom where jury selection was taking place. The defendant was accused of unlawful detainment and abuse – basically he held his wife hostage and beat the snot out of her. Allegedly.

One of the attorneys began questioning my husband as a potential juror. The conversation went something like this –

Attorney: “So spousal abuse – for or against?”

Husband: “Seriously?”

Attorney: “Okay, let’s say two drunk guys get in a fight in a bar.”

Husband: (starting to think he might have wandered into some sort of alternate universe jury selection) “Alright.”

Attorney: “And let’s say, on the other hand, a man beats his wife. Would you say one of those altercations is worse than the other?”

Husband: “Is this a joke?”

Attorney: “Just a little smackey-smackey on the old lady, is what I’m saying.”

Husband: “Are you high?”

Attorney: “Please answer the question.”

Husband: “I don’t know what the question is. But just to be clear, I don’t hit my wife. I don’t think other people should hit their wives. I’m also against puppy kicking and taking candy from small children. And the designated hitter rule, but that’s a little off topic.”

Attorney: “So you’re against spousal abuse. Is that what you’re saying?”

Husband: “Yes.”

Attorney: “Are you sure? Do you need some time to think about it?”

Husband: “You’re the devil.”

He was then dismissed from the jury selection and sent home. You wouldn’t think it would be possible to get twelve people plus alternates who were pro wife beating, but this is L.A. So I suppose anything is possible.