Ashley Ream
Dispatches from the City of Angels

I'm a writer and humorist living in and writing about Los Angeles. You can catch my novel LOSING CLEMENTINE out March 6 from William Morrow. In the meantime, feel free to poke around. Over at my website you can find even more blog entries than I could fit here, as well as a few other ramblings. Enjoy and come back often.
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Favorite Quotes:
"Taint what a horse looks like, it’s what a horse be." - A Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett

"Trying to take it easy after you've finished a manuscript is like trying to take it easy when you have a grease fire on a kitchen stove." - Jan Burke

"Put on your big girl panties, and deal with it." - Mom

"How you do anything is how you do everything."


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I have to get one of those hats with the netting

Okay, seriously people, that's not funny.

I came home from my run to find a message on my answering machine from UPS "warning" me about a package that's going to be delivered tomorrow. WARNING ME. I didn't order anything. My husband didn't order anything. What the hell could possibly be in a cardboard box that would necessitate a phone message left, I might add, in two languages?

Did Siegfried and Roy get tired of the tigers? Is it ticking? Does it have air holes? A "live animal" sticker? Is it from the IRS?

UPS has delivered a lot of stuff to my house over the years. Not once have they felt motivated to call ahead. I checked with friends. THEY'VE never gotten phone calls either. This can not possibly be a good development.

It's probably bees. A big box of angry bees, and the guy in the brown shorts wants to be damn sure there's somebody here to hand it off to because no way is it going back in his truck.

Maybe this is what happens when someone REALLY doesn't like your book. They send you BEES.

Pray for me.


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