Ashley Ream
Dispatches from the City of Angels

I'm a writer and humorist living in and writing about Los Angeles. You can catch my novel LOSING CLEMENTINE out March 6 from William Morrow. In the meantime, feel free to poke around. Over at my website you can find even more blog entries than I could fit here, as well as a few other ramblings. Enjoy and come back often.
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Favorite Quotes:
"Taint what a horse looks like, it’s what a horse be." - A Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett

"Trying to take it easy after you've finished a manuscript is like trying to take it easy when you have a grease fire on a kitchen stove." - Jan Burke

"Put on your big girl panties, and deal with it." - Mom

"How you do anything is how you do everything."


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Scott Bakula can eat my dust

Sunday I motored on up to the Calabasas Classic, a fun little 5K race I do every year because they give away these great hats. Also it benefits a children's cancer charity. But really, I'm there for the hat.

This year, in what was a complete surprise to me, I won first place in my division, despite being passed by a giant bunny, which sounds like something I would make up for a book, but sadly is the truth. Even sadder was that I spotted the bunny (really a guy in a Nesquik bunny costume - let's hope he gets paid for that) at the start line and said aloud to my husband, "See that bunny. I'm totally kicking that bunny's ass."

Never bet against a rabbit in a foot race.

I held him off for two miles, but in the final stretch, he and his little friend smoked me. Hard. Fortunately, I wasn't running in the rabbit division, so I still got my shiny gold medal. Not that my husband got to witness this stunning victory. He was in the car. Reading. About orchids. Apparently, rather than stand at the finish for a whole 23 minutes, he decided to go back to the parking lot. The plan being to return before I crossed and was any the wiser. It would appear he didn't expect me to pull first place either. He was still in the car. With the book. About orchids. Not that I'm bitter.

He came back just in time to point to a guy in the crowd of finished runners and say, "Isn't that the actor from Quantum Leap?"

And it was. Not that I had noticed, which is why I would make a terrible paparazzo, despite being two days away from finishing my book "Suzy Q. Papparazzi." (Shameless plug! And don't worry. Suzy is great at spotting celebrities.)

And what does one do upon discovering you've just been running a race against Scott Bakula? First, of course, you surreptitiously check him out from behind the smoothie tent. I can report that he's aging pretty well. Grayer than before but looking much the same with no obvious fish-face plastic surgery going on. Still fit. Nice calves. But if I were a remotely decent human being, I would've run up and snatched those horrible hippie, circle-framed sunglasses off his face and burned them for the good of humanity. But that would've necessitated a long discussion with the Calabasas Police, so I was forced to let him continue to roam the earth looking ridiculous. Sorry, Scott.

The second thing I did was rush over to the results board to see if I beat him. And I had! By a lot! Which totally makes up for the bunny thing.


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