Ashley Ream
Dispatches from the City of Angels

I'm a writer and humorist living in and writing about Los Angeles. You can catch my novel LOSING CLEMENTINE out March 6 from William Morrow. In the meantime, feel free to poke around. Over at my website you can find even more blog entries than I could fit here, as well as a few other ramblings. Enjoy and come back often.
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Favorite Quotes:
"Taint what a horse looks like, itís what a horse be." - A Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett

"Trying to take it easy after you've finished a manuscript is like trying to take it easy when you have a grease fire on a kitchen stove." - Jan Burke

"Put on your big girl panties, and deal with it." - Mom

"How you do anything is how you do everything."


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Do as I say, not as I do

I think it's important to keep a sort of mental list of all the things you should not do.

You should not, for example, stand too close to a tiger cage while carrying beef jerky in your pockets. You should not wear a necktie while leaning over a circular saw. And you should not chew a handful of hot peppermint candies while simultaneously flipping your head upside down to better adjust your ponytail.

You should not do this because it will cause hot peppermint to travel up the back of your throat and into your nasal cavity where it will proceed to burn like fire. And should this happen and should you decide the best course of action would be to blow your nose, be prepared. Your snot will be bright candy pink. Also, it will hurt.

This concludes my public service announcement.


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