Thank you for your kind support. I expect this will pass. It has done so far. (Proportion of days when I thought I couldn't make it but actually did - 100%. Still got today to manage, but it will probably not be my last as in the end I'm either too chicken or too mindful of my children). I'd like to give you a list of all the things that make my life so unbearable but it comes down to just the one thing - having a major, chronic, depressive illness. This leads to distorted thinking, but although I can know and recognise this with my intellect, it doesn't stop me feeling the emotions prompted by the distorted thoughts. I can find the negative in any positive. Having written that I now can't find an example of a positive to see the negative in. The future fills me with dread. I am hiding upstairs from my grandson who will be 16 tomorrow.

I am grateful for: roof over head; overdraft facility; bed; food in fridge; blog to moan in.