i noe i haven been blogging. and its all for good reason. its cos my life is kinda complicated now. as in really. there is so much happening at home....
here's how today went
0600hrs: alarm clock ran. convinced myself that i would not be late if i slept another 10 minutes. slammed alarmed clock button and went back to snooze.
0615hrs: realised that i could not keep lying to myself.
0650hrs: out of the house. rushing for training... met nicky...
0800hrs-1130hrs: training. today i did hurdles. 5 hurdles. complicated. i tried 4 steps today. quite a failure at it really. from my point of view at least..whenever i do hurdles, i always wish i was invisible... then i would be able to wallow in my own humiliation without having to share this with others... anyway. i noe i dun have time left. the pressure is mounting. i have to step it up, get it right, believe i can, and just deliver on that day. (THAT day is july 14th) the bright side is, i have never done this event. so whatever timing i get is a personal best... thats not much of a consolation. i really dun wanna screw up. i have one shot. so all i can do, is take it, and pray like hell i dun mess up.
1135hrs: just when i was walking out of school, sis called to say that i need to meet her for dinner due to some domestic complications involving an empty fridge and an angry dad. i had no choice. u do things like that for ppl u grew up with.
1136hrs: had to make the unpleasnt call to nicky to explain that i am sorry ( i feel like i'm apologising to him all the time now. sort of like a tape recorded apology that plays so very often. i wonder if he gets tired of listening. cos i get tired of listening to myself saying the same thing over and over again)
1150hrs: at the tomato bus stop. nicky sulky. says he does not blame me. but then that does not make me feel better and contributes to my overall sense of misery.
1241hrs: at gong's house. conduct a chaotic discussion regarding tonight's dinner plans. decided on what to cook and what to buy.
1333hrs: finally sat down for lunch at long john's silver. i did not enjoy my lunch. the chicken was tough as nails and the pastry for the wrap tasted like... erm. plastic. the fries were barely passable. definitely not going there ever again... bad experience. not to mention the bad service. ppl who require a hearing device at the counters taking orders. noisy environment thanks to the lack of a mic system. the ppl taking orders had to shout to those in the kitchen. i wonder how many wandering drops of saliva have found their way into the food... and the clueless waiter. seriously. i could have slapped him. well. my brother's pet fish speaks better english.
1450hrs: reached home.... before i could bathe. (at this point, note that i am still in my training attire) i was forced to go cook soup...
1530hrs: finally settled down to work...
1900hrs: forced to cook dinner by angry calls from the living room where my dad was watching tv.
the process of cooking has becoming highly torturous to me. my dad just butts in and starts getting pissed off at every single little thing. it makes me feel like running away from home. i'm already frustrated enough with everything else, housework, homework, training. i really dun need this shit. and i still have to shut my mouth and deal with it cos he's my dad. right. sometimes, i hate being a nice person. if i was a bitch. this matter would end in a shouting episode. but because i have more class than that, i cant.
2001hrs: set of from home to the mall to return vcd and buy another carton of milk for my dad's precious son whom we had just purchased 2 litres of milk for.
2116hrs: reached home...
dozed off. really tired.
2233hrs: woke up and noticed project runway was on.. went to watch.

yep. thats all..
i just really wish i was another person. i had another life. a happy one...

i need to hang on, push on, pull through.