when i'm 60, i will look back and noe that i hurdled when i was 16.
today. was. THE day.
did hurdles. as in the race. and let me tell u... it really was the hardest thing i ever had to do. but i did it anyway.
i reached the stadium damn early... stoned a bit. ran the race in my head...warm up... so on and so forth...
then i ran. if u ask me now what i did during the race, i cant tell u. because it was all a blur. once the gun went, my mind blanked. nothing else mattered. it was just those damn hurdles between me and the line. i dun remember what i did. my mind said "move" and my body did what it wanted to....
i didnt qualify. timing's not good to look at either. and position. dun even ask.

so let me sum up my hurdling experience
the beginning was uncertain
the journey was tough, rocky and definitely tiring
the ending was more bitter than sweet

although i noe that this officially means that i never have to train again under the hot sun. and i dun have to stay back every mon, wed and fri... there's something inside me that hurts when that fact pops up.
i guess at some level, i want to do that. i want to train in the hot sun. cos it means i get to run side by side with this team. be part of this team. united in pain and suffering. and i want to stay back every mon, wed, fri. cos it means i get to train...
no. i am not a sadist. i'm just a girl who, 4 years ago, didnt really want to be a tracker. i'm only in cos my parents said i needed to exercise. so i embarked on a journey, not by choice. and here i am at the end of the whole roller coaster ride, suddenly looking back and realising how i really dun want to get off anymore.
sure. during my 4 years, at some points... when the weather got unbearably hot, when the homework pile was high and all i wanted was to go home, when the training was like 300m times 6... i wanted to quit. i blamed my parents. for putting me through hell.
but i still trained anyway. cos i'm a good girl who cannot bend rules for nuts. cos i believe i made a committment and i had to stick through with it.

and here i am. 4 years later.
when u've been through hell and back, u change. and its for the better. i'm more determined. i'm stronger. and i noe the meaning of holding on when u feel like letting go.

and thanks to hurdles. i noe more.
hurdles taught me. that there will always be obstacles. u just have to get over it... and of course. the importance of absolute self belief.in many many ways. hurdles was a perfect fullstop. to everything. training. track... everything.

the roller coaster's almost over. i noe i've changed. but will i get off smiling or crying?...

every ending is also a beginning. just that we dun noe it at that time.