Since I last blogged:
1) More work, more failure to keep up with schedule, less determination than ever to finish this horrible race. I have never wanted to stop so much before. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that this will freaking be over.
I just have to grit my teeth and do it.
Career and Scholarships and Further Education considerations: I don't know how to feel. Hence I don't know what to think and where to go.
Basically: How now?... I've always taken a "play by ear" stand on this. But it seems the time has come when I've got to look beyond the immediate and see the further along the way picture... It doesn't help when my parents don't know me at all. (Sometimes I feel like I'm 2 different people at home and in school.)

2) I have learnt that... "Trouble sprouts from the mouth". Resolution to listen more and speak less. Failing that, I intend to remove myself from opportunities where I will be tempted to speak on anything other than my subjects, A levels and of course, sex.

3) I have discovered and fallen in love with...
Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici- By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.
V for Vendetta.
Truth is powerful. Sure.
But power is... scary. For want of a cooler word. We can't handle it. That's why we shrink from it. We can't handle it at all. So we... make up beautiful little lies and blind our eyes and... believe what we want to believe.
It's the only explanation I have found anyway.
But yea. A cool movie! It'll be the first damn thing I screen for my class if I become a teacher, nevermind if they're P5s. In fact, better still.

4) Life is still: work, sleep, work, sleep, work ,sleep... cry... work, sleep, work, sleep... scream... work, sleep, work, sleep...
"You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it. " Not so much a mask for me... A part. Like an actor. I'm a Student/Nerd. Haha. I've played the role for long enough. It's hard to define myself outside work now. Really.

5) I still hate life and I'm still looking for a reason to live.

"I'm not a mind reader
But I'm seeing the signs"
Haha... Do you see what I see...