I'm really bad at French.

It's not that I don't work at it.

Yes I have less time for it this semester because of the number of modules I am taking.

And because two of my lecturers are nuts with the load of reading they pile on.

But I do work at French.

So I'm not going to pretend I fail because I don't try.

Because the pathetic truth is that I do try.

I try very, very hard.

Because it's just the kind of student I am.

So, it is the truth, that I fail despite working.

In short, that I plainly suck at this and I'm tired of struggling against my own suckiness. It's discouraging to fail despite trying and I'm tried of it.

I am supposed to grow up and accept that I have weaknesses. But I am having apparent difficulties doing so.

I do want to learn. But I can't seem to be able to. And so, therein (therein. I wonder when the hell I'll be able to properly use a French version of "therein") lies the dilemma.

Taking 6 modules, this is Week 11, and tonight is the first night I really, really want to cry. I'm like that. It doesn't matter how many other modules I'm doing well in. Failing at all upsets me. [Ref: grow up point]

Had one of those out of body experiences again. Where you really feel like shit but can laugh on the outside. It's not that I'm insincere. Things just happen. It's like I have no control. It's a bit creepy yeah?

One good thing about staying in school is that, I get to cry in my room cause I get to lock it. At home I have to go to the toilet.