That was a... prediction I made at the last day of the last semester.

I'm mainly blogging now because I want to put everything down before I move on/away and forget it all.

Academically, this semester has been the most unfulfilling one, the most painful one, and the most heart-wrenching one for me. I am deeply disappointed in myself, specifically how I have done in assignments and the exams. Part of it is really the commitment to other things; but I must also admit my heart's just not in it this semester. It has been mortifying to see the grades scribbled on my assignments. It has been terrible having conversations with professors who tell me I am a good student, heartbreaking. I almost cried at one consultation. It's all been terrible. I have learnt some but I have certainly not excelled at anything and it hurts like mad fuck. (I am... very determined not to fucking do this again. If you think I've been a mad mugger before, you ain't see nothing yet.)

I'mma kill the people who say there's no college life here. There's college life here and I'm right smack in the middle of it. I genuinely had fun. And I would like to think I made real friends. Not with everyone, but certainly with some... All unexpected and all crazy in different ways.

I've been a shit friend to old friends, shamefully. I must remedy it immediately... slowly, somehow.

And I must make it up to Bryan. (I realise I'm always making it up to Bryan... eternal debt... when shall I be in surplus I wonder...)

In more ways than one, I was right last semester. It's been legendary. I shall always remember this as the Heartbreak Warfare semester. Heartbreak over academics, Warfare to encapsulate the firefighting, the late nights, the panic, the letsdietogether and the omgicantbelievewedidthat. It's legendary, more colourful than my 4 semesters put together. Paris will certainly change things. But... yeah.

My December's really pretty packed with the two holidays, Wicked, preparing for Paris and everything. I'll... make a concentrated effort to feel excited about it all tomorrow. Tonight is reserved for mourning my poor CAP.