Such Sweet Nothing
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"warming up and winding down"
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Mood:
reflective

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It's 5.39am. It's really bright outside my window (I love early sunrises) and I can hear hooves on the pavement outside my room. I am in Krakow.

Everything is done, academics wise for Sciences Po. It's all finally over. It was a terrible 4.5 weeks or so. I have to admit I hate how I've been academically this semester. Deep sighs. I feel like I've been in a funk for two semesters running now; and it worries me, what with honours and Year 4 looming just ahead. I can't afford this. If I go on the way I am, I will fail to do the thing I came to university to do. Some people will say "but look at the journey you've had!" To which I answer... Only those who lose/ fail say "the glory's in the fight". To the winners, the glory is the glory. I don't want this sugar-coated lie, you know? I knew from the start the goal I set; time to follow fucking through or else just throw my hands up and say "I failed". I will take time in the travelling and in my summer to find my centre again, hopefully.

So... it's all almost ending. Almost. I knew I would be sad at this point. Actually, I anticipated something of mixed emotions, being so far away from home for so long. And maybe I secretly knew but wouldn't admit to myself that the sadness and nostalgia would deeply outweigh the joy of the prospect of seeing home and the people I care about again. I am too enchanted with Europe; but that's only one point of view. From mine, I am enchanted just the right amount. It looks like I'm spending July here too, and the thought makes me smile.

Krakow. Old Town is so amazingly postcard perfect. I love medieval towns; you feel like you are walking on and looking at history. Yesterday was a Jewish culture and Holocaust soaked day. Very heavy for me. I felt terribly sad and I learnt a lot, which usually makes me happy. I feel the duty of memory.

I'm... feeling a little sad this morning, that SEP is grinding to a slow halt. But I'm reminded that I still have so many more cities to see before I depart and an amazing homestay experience hopefully.


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