Bryan has put his hand over mine a few times now, and asked me what's wrong, how are you, are you okay.

My heart is just not in this fight anymore. I no longer believe I have what it takes to get first class honours; and I am no longer willing to try. I feel like I've been in university too long and I just want it to end now. I don't want to go on anymore. I don't want readings, lectures, tutorials, research, deadlines. I want to be done with this. And if it is going to take another year, I want it to be as painfree and as quiet as possible.

I don't know what I'm going to do with myself after I graduate either- so, this isn't why I want to leave/ don't want to carry on. I'm really fucking tired.

And I don't want to hear people telling me again that they believe in me, that I will make it/ be fine/ get first. I really don't want to hear it. When I hear it, it seems to me that they don't understand how hard it is or how limited I am. I am frustrated my message just isn't getting across.

It's hard to believe, even for me, after everything I have said and done for the last 4 years. But this is how I feel right now.

I know part of it is that I am overloading and hence am super overwhelmed with the sheer amount of work I have to go through. But that's not all. I can feel that I'm simply not being good enough. And I don't feel like I'm getting any better.

I want to sleep 8 hours a day. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired.