It's stressful seeing so many other honours students in the library now. I feel the heat of the competition- I know it's not really a competition at this point but still- and also the urgency of the moment. The deadline really is fucking close and I really am kind of screwed.

I hate Bryan for doing this to me now. It's plain fucking inconvenient. And riding on that extreme irritation, I've decided that unhealthy amounts of immature anger is the way to handle the situation. I hate him for breaking my heart; I hate that it happened over things so stupid; I hate that it's happening now. I'm angry and that's better than sad. Because if I'm sad, I'll just revert to the curling up on my bed or sitting on my toilet floor and sobbing uncontrollably. And I can't have that. I need to go back to the life where I wake up at 5.30 and drop off to sleep at midnight or 1, working pretty much non-stop in the middle. There's no other way. The thesis demands the amount of work from me. I don't have a shot if I don't push myself like this.

And I have to deal with this bag of emotional shitballs right now. I just don't fucking need it. I don't care how good our last 4 years were. I'll never stop hating you for doing this to me right now you bastard. I don't want any of it, I wish it never happened, you're dead to me you asshole.