“The true basis of religion is not belief, but intuitive experience. Intuition is the soul’s power of knowing God. To know what religion is really all about, one must know God.” Paramhansa Yogananda, Autobiography of a Yogi

How many times must I apologize for my lack of commitment to writing on a regular basis? It isn’t that I don’t mean to, I do, I even sit down and hash out about half of what I want to write. I suppose I lack commitment in posting it – or rather if the piece does not move me to tears it isn’t worth posting. Because you know me, I believe that tears are a river that take you somewhere.

At any rate, I’ve been officially self-employed now for a few months. It’s taken me that long to recover from 12 years of working two or three jobs; I hadn’t thought I was tired until I sat still long enough to realize I was exhausted. Meaning every time I sat still I fell asleep! I hadn’t cleaned out my metaphysical closet in a while either. This means I hadn’t run through my list of forgiveness in a very long time. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am not one of those divine white light souls that can immediately hand out forgiveness for all things at all times. Nope – sorry. Whatever I judge on whatever scale may take some time to forgive. True there are things that certain people have carte blanche with, especially if I love you. But if you are one of those gray area folks or heaven forbid blacklisted! My resolution of your forgiveness could take a while, so take a number, but don’t get comfortable.

It irritates me that when I hold grudges, or judge someone that the only person affected by this is me. My own soul; and that goes for you too whomever you are reading this your not off Scot free either. We all judge, we all pay the spiritual price for it. Time and time again we are taught that the closest we can come to the divine is forgiveness. Frankly I think that’s a wheelbarrow full of pony manure because divinity is within every single one of us, we are divine because we are all part of god. That still does not negate our responsibility to ourselves (yes I totally went there with responsibility) to forgive. If we do not, the buildup of those judgments will clog up your soul and energy like a disease. If you don’t believe me, sit peacefully for a moment and feel your physical body, then think about a situation you have had trouble forgiving. Feels pretty icky doesn’t it? Yes – I thought so.

Before I get too off track, this week is a special week for me. A new beginning of a new life with someone I love. It’s my last week as an unmarried woman; to me it’s a fresh phase of life. Now don’t get all wound up, I’m not going to be barefoot and pregnant or do I plan on staying home all the time and giving up my wild pony spanking life. I’m still the walking contradiction who you know and love. Actually; I intend to drag him along on life’s adventure with me, and make sure neither of us misses out on a single thing. I do intend however, to close this stage with forgiving myself for the judgments I have made, the decisions I thought were poor, all the things I deemed unworthy, the transgressions against myself, my body, my psyche and my soul. Those things no matter how locked up we keep them – we end up standing outside that locked box sweating to hold them in, let them go, be the wild woman within and forgive yourself.

I believe that forgiveness is not the closest we can get to the divine; I believe I am divine and because of that – I deserve to love myself as god loves me, unconditionally and without restraint or judgment. So today is the last quarter moon, half light half dark. It’s a perfect day for forgiveness of self.

Love & Light, Teresa & The Dark Horse Herd