One can abandon one's personal legend for a time, as long as one does not forget about it entirely and returns to it as soon as possible.
Paulo Coelho

Yes I’m writing again. After such a long hiatus, I’m back in the office chair writing, and I’m not sure if it’s because I have something to say – or because this Tuesday we entered my own sign of Capricorn and I’m feeling all saucy and full of myself. Capricorns can be such nerds; I know this because I am frequently called a nerd, a sexy nerd but a nerd no less. I’ve also been told that I can be a bit tough on people with my expectations, militant actually. Well. I suppose I have some explaining to do in my world of militancy because I know all of you that interact with me feel my “pressure” either when I’m teaching, talking or just breathing!

A very talented astrologer says that Capricorns can be constricting, however he says it in a way that makes me not want to punch him by quickly saying we like to constrict to give shape to someone, something or even just an idea. You see, I am your biggest fan if I love you. I will bend myself into a pretzel to help you see an idea to fruition, I will not do your work for you, but I will champion you at any given opportunity. I will not take you sitting on your laurels lightly though – see here’s where the militancy enters the picture. I abhor laziness, and weakness. I think those two things aside from lying are the most disgusting traits in humanity. I will be honest here and say that it’s taken me my whole 30 years to truly value and SEE others as individuals with a pattern of set responses and not just shoot from the hip and say --- they are weak.

Today as I was having a little mini-emotional-panic-attack. It dawned on me why I was overreacting. About three years ago my father was sick with cancer, and this time of year my body just remembers that time as painful and responds pretty dramatically to every little emotional thing. For instance, this morning my 23 year old horse Carbon didn’t want to eat breakfast, and since its -37 here that’s a big deal. I absolutely lost my marbles this morning in the pasture over it, and it really isn’t that huge, it’s fixable, I coaxed him to eat and now it’s fine.

Add to this that tomorrow will be the longest night of the year. We all know where we go when there is not exterior light; we go into our own form of darkness. Some of us, myself included use depression as a means to clear out the old so we can bring in the new. I do a fair amount of “personal swiffering” as I like to call it on my soul. But this time of year it has to be monitored for the reason I stated above about losing my dad.

What I want to see because you know me, I’m always pushing you… Is that when you go inside that darkness within yourself that you imagine yourself reaching for your inner stillness in the darkness, a warm peace that you provide to yourself. It’s the holiday season, peace should be abundant but alas, it usually is not. Just remember that you have that bit of peace within you, it’s always there, even at your darkest hour or longest night of the year. Of course, if you know me; reach for me. I’m your biggest fan and as long as you’re not a lazy sloth chances are I have a billion reasons why your peace is right in front you.