Dark Horse

My annual Halloween Rant

teresa@darkhorsealaska.com — Thu, 30 Oct 08 08:28:00 UT

Every year true to tradition I write a rant about the Grimoire that entails Halloween. I am always in awe with the way individuals minds expand this time of year, and same as last year you see it expressed all over the place. This year however is more powerful as itâs an election year. They really knew what they were doing when they scheduled elections during Scorpio months? Itâs so cool that during the sign that will tear you apart for the truth and leave no stone unturned in your rock field is the time for electing people who will run our country, city, boroughs and ultimately make decisions that affect us all. Having a lot of Scorpio in my chart and the taskmaster Saturn â Iâm sure all of you who know me that are reading this are laughing at me that I find myself so at home this time of year.

Rather than my town being decorated with pumpkins, bats and witch hats like it properly should this time of year itâs instead decorated with mini-billboards with opinions/judgments on them. It annoys me to no end, if you believe your opinion so great, then that should be good enough for you. Why is advertising necessary? For every one personâs judgment I see or hear; it spawns the Type 5 and Saturn in me to research. Another interesting fact for all of you out there who think that the stars in the heavens hold no sway over you. Saturn is in opposition with Uranus as we speak. Saturn is stern, wants to make sure the rules still apply, fortify information and if the rules do not apply â they get tossed out and re-written â sound republican to you? Uranus wants to shake things up and shake off what we know to make room for change and create upheaval, sound familiar?

The last time what is about to happen happened was in 1762 â 1768 remember the Boston Tea Party of 1773, and the taxes that followed in our young country after? We are headed there yet again my friends. The planets are slowly approaching that exact alignment.

At least with Scorpio moon yesterday we hopefully slayed some dragons and got to the bottom of what is really bothering us. I think I did, but it took a walk down memory lane to do it. Those walks hurt me an awful lot. Interestingly enough Saggitarius moon moves in tomorrow, maybe those of us that just came from slaying demons can help our Sag friends slay some of theirs, if your Sag the next few days could be hard for you, depending on just how much your willing to forgive yourself.

I have digressed from my Halloween and Harvest thoughts. Perhaps, thatâs the source of some of the worlds ever building frustration these days is the buildup is reaching an apex and there needs to be some âhousecleaningâ. What needs less? What needs more? What are we still asking for that perhaps we no longer need that has become habit? What needs to be loosened, tightened or patched? Just as the animals do or we even used to do, itâs time to take stock, do some rearranging and internal housecleaning just as we would if we were cinching ourselves up for the long winter. Perhaps that is why we see so much dramatic expression of opinion this time of year, is because folks want one last ditch effort to hold onto their agreements and habits before letting them go or finding new ones that they didnât know mattered.

Whether you realize it or not, you do have time to work on internal issues, it doesnât have to be a huge act where you set aside an hour for meditation, though the universe simply adores ritual. Simply putâ¦ Envision slapping a âdo not disturbâ sticky note to your forehead for about 2 to 3 minutes to do some quick internal stock work. Usually this happens quite on accident these moments are when your mind wanders; fades, and or you briefly slip into daydream world. Usually someone snaps you out of it and makes fun of you but believe it or not these few precious moments where your mind has a moment to fly free your really working on yourself. I have to hold onto this believe as heavensâ knows I have issues and I need all my spare seconds to work on them. And yes I frequently daydream thank you for asking. Those precious moments of mental freedom leave me feeling rejuvenated and often wishing I was somewhere else too.

Since Halloween is tomorrow and as the story says at midnight tomorrow the spirits are closest to us in the living world ah la the witching hour. You had better make sure that your demons have been slayed, your armor is in tact, and you are at least prepared to re-arrange some of your stocks and stores and if you find ever mounting frustration coming your way saddle up cowboys and cowgirls â this is not winter to go into w your saddlebags not strapped in.

Zen and the Art of Splitting Firewood

teresa@darkhorsealaska.com — Mon, 15 Sep 08 14:07:00 UT

I once read wonderful book called Chop Wood Carry Water. I recommend it to just about everyone who is looking for a way to find some spiritual enlightenment in day-to-day life. Because even the highest order of monks who have devoted their lives to attaining spiritual oneness still have to chop wood and carry water to contribute to their monastery.

Today just happens to be the last day of summer. Gee I couldnât tellâ¦. I fed hay in the dark this morning and it was 37 degrees out, hence my title of this blog! Tonight is also a full moon. Whatever you started two weeks ago you can now close out of tonight and say your thanks. If your me you were wallowing two weeks ago and today Iâm stepping clear of that nonsense and moving on!

Back to my point. Not many people ACTUALLY split the wood that heats their homes. Granted we have boiler heat too but on cold days like today, a fire drives away the chill in the air. I have found that itâs NOT currently on the doctorâs approved list of exercises for my body, but after splitting wood I feel incredibly clear mentally. Another little task of mine as I go on through my day is to practice clarity. My larger goal with all this clarity practice is to be a better rider, ok so Iâd like to be a better human being as well but riding is really the big motivator here.

When you start to keep tabs on your clarity as you move through your day and track your thoughts you can be ashamed of yourself. Actually I encourage you to be ashamed because I am and I need company. How many times in your day are you actually thinking about what you are doing and being aware of your bodies movements from start to finish. When splitting wood for example, I make sure my feet are firmly planted, as I raise the ax I breath in, and I exhale as I lower it, all the while focusing on where the ax needs to fall and imagining the wood splitting as it should in one strike. I rarely split in one strike but I have noticed if my mind fades it takes me several strikes.

Can you imagine if every task you did you were 100% in the moment? Especially if youâre a rider!!! Iâm pretty sure your thousand pound flight animal would appreciate it if you paid attention up there.

Now that Iâve snuck this break to blog about my day I need to get back out to the woodpile. The boss will be home soon and as most of you know. A good Alaskan wife is not measured by just her beauty, sheâs measured by how many fish she can catch and filet, and how much wood she can split.
Until next time Arete in all that you do.

Not the sharpest pencil in the holder… Or is it knife in the drawer?

teresa@darkhorsealaska.com — Thu, 28 Aug 08 08:10:00 UT

The end of August is here and w it comes two eclipses and losing the light of the moon. Oh goody. If youâre me this time involves being tossed around from project to project with no clarity and being woken to horses underneath your window having a boxing match. Letâs just say for the record that Iâve wished for 18 years that Carbon and I could live together. This morning while he was making that screeching noise that only Carbon could make I was happy he was close so I could toss something off my deck at him. Sadly after 18 years together he knows when he is safe from my wrath and he continued on as if nothing had happened.

At any rate, the planets are all scrutinizing details. Filing, paperwork, that grammar mistake in your last email and itâs not letting up there. It is just a bit worse that usual as Virgo is usually itâs own worst enemy too. So not only are you noticing your mistakes but your beating yourself up for them too. Just to be fair, your noticing everyone elseâs mistakes too, and for humorâs sake it appears as though you have no filter on your mouth. I can say this with utter honesty because instead of a filter today on my mouth I have my foot in my mouth.

Lastly, dearest Venus is in an argument with Pluto. What does this mean you say? That person you love with all your heart and soul is now standing with both feet on your very last over-critical nerve. Donât laugh because you understand what Iâm saying, because guess what? Your standing with both your feet on their last nerve to! See not so funny now is it?

In closing, our moon will be back soon, the eclipses will pass. My horses will quit their stupid annoying pre-dawn game and life will return to normal shortly. In the mean time, while youâre on my last nerve, please be gentle.

A Soulmate Story

teresa@darkhorsealaska.com — Mon, 4 Aug 08 10:22:00 UT

The minute I heard my first love storyâ¨I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was.â¨â¨Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.â¨They're in eachother all along.

This week, Venus moves to Virgo. Some things, especially relationships may become less tolerant. Throughout the week the shift will occur and by the end of the week we should all be able to see things outside of ourselves much better. Provided we didn't open up our mouths wide enough to insert our foots into earlier in the week.

I read something last night that touched me. I've always been fascinated by the term "Soul Mate" it's a term that gets thrown around quite a bit. Not that it means any less by those that throw it around, but it is a cloudy term. I have read a little on the theories of Soul Mates. I've heard the flame/fire explanation, the angel explanation. So far the one that has touched me deepest is this one.
Not so long ago when the planet was young and humans first began to walk it on two legs, and we first began to realize the worth of our souls and look up to the heavens for answers. The planet was inhabited by a sparse number of souls. As the planet grew, humanity needed to grow as well. We were changing rapidly with our ideas, ideals, beliefs and goals. The planet needed more of us. So our souls split in two, one man, one woman. That split soul went on to experience life, dreams, achieve goals and grow. Which is why when you meet your "Soul Mate" you love them as if you love yourself, sometimes more. Because they are part of you, the same imprint on the soul. You recognize this person with something we call "love at first sight" because you do love them at first sight, you recognize yourself in them, you see your own light reflected back at you.

Isn't that beautiful? I enjoyed that. So much I wanted to share this week when relationships are being tested by a shift in our planets. Because most of us are searching for some missing piece in life, a truth, an idea, or even a person. At the end of the story above a very great man decided that even though he had found the truth and witnessed the secrets of the universe. They meant nothing without his Soul Mate. When he met his Soul Mate the universe made sense, it ceased to be a science project. Even though his Soul Mate and he only shared a brief wink in time together. It was enough. It changed his heart enough.

So wherever you go this week, take with yourself the knowledge that all relationships impact, all people are part of a greater pact, and all of us are part of each other on the planet.

Crossing Alaska's Waters on Horseback

teresa@darkhorsealaska.com — Mon, 7 Jul 08 14:52:00 UT

Also can be seen at www.adn.com/horsetrainerblog

A reader recently invited me to answer this question:
I've seen very little local information regarding safe creek and river crossings for trail riders. Especially regarding how to read the crossing area for hazards such as sweepers and holes.
Can you address this?

I got a chance to give this some thought just before the Fourth of July.

While Iâm sure there are several guides out there that can do a far better job than I will do here I will still take a shot at this question. My experience with Alaskan water crossings has been limited to boats, a few scary crossings while hunting, and on the rare occasion a horse a time or two in a creek I could easily see the bottom of or a river where I had a 4 wheeler to follow through.

Most information you can search for on the Internet for horse and water crossings are limited, and that information is written with slow moving water in mind. Alaska like everything else here is fierce. Our people, our mountains, our animals and yes, our rivers and creeks are fierce as well. Having felt first hand one to many times Mother Nature Alaskaâs power in a river I stick to crossings with horses that I can get through myself on foot if need be. Call me a sissy â I dare you.

However. First thing is first. Make sure your horse can cross water no matter what. A puddle, a stream, or wade into a lake and get them used to the noise water makes. Getting them to stand in a knee-deep creek is a start. Make sure your âgo forwardâ cue is exceptional. Also do your homework on how much control you have of your horseâs feet. Moving one foot at a time, and even backing one foot at a time. It may sound silly but when your practicing in a small stream or safe creek, make sure you can stop your horse, back a step, turn etc. these are all things that you will need to use to navigate a bigger body of water later.

Then put on your out-door personâs hat. Is this a creek that you would cross on foot? If not. Itâs probably not a good creek for your horse to cross either. Iâve swum with horses a time or two in lakes, when they start to swim and or lose their balance; usually itâs the person who looses their cool. Not the horse. So be sure if your horse loses itâs footing â you are in the position to land on both feet so to speak and be safe. Do not try to hold onto your horse if you come off in water.

If you are a practiced hiker and river crosser on foot â you will know the signs to look for. Sweepers are never good, watch for debris that the river brings with it. Look for eddies in the water that has more current and avoid them. If necessary, go up or down stream for a better place to cross.

The simplest advice I can offer is this. If you would not cross this creek on foot; then do not ask your horse to cross it. Not only will they feel your apprehension, but also you are putting both of yourselves at danger. Lastly. Do your homework in safe creeks and streams and make sure that you not only have 100% of your horses attention, focus and trust but you also have 100% control of your horses feet.

Knowledge v. Wisdom

teresa@darkhorsealaska.com — Thu, 3 Jul 08 08:32:00 UT

This entry can also be found at www.adn.com/horsetrainerblog

The thread of the week presented itself to me when three people in a row contacted me with horse ailment and or training problems. All three people are excellent horsewomen; they do their homework, research, and training and ask for a lot of opinions. Then this morning a question came across the Internet; what is the difference between knowledge and wisdom? Then when I started my own research for these three horses â in an article about vitamins. Does the whole help more than a few of its parts that you may not like?

When we consider our health, the health of our horses the health of the planet even; many of us tend to look at it under a microscope rather than looking at the whole picture. I am guilty just like most of you of focusing on one aspect of a problem horse so much that I may lose the bigger picture of what the horse is trying to say.

I believe that when you look at a horse as a whole, and not under a microscope that you give that horse in the chance to speak with their whole body. They have no words; we must listen to their whole body when they speak to us. We must listen to our own body when it speaks to us, or that of our friends, spouses and loved ones.

So when it comes to knowledge v. wisdom what is the difference? I canât say I can answer that in any other way other than my own personal opinion. Which may be those that use wisdom operate looking at the whole. All things come into consideration, all factors. Rather than looking for bits of information, look for patterns in information, pay attention to how that information feels to you.

Living life in this âWholisticâ manner and yes I realize I did not spell that correctly and I did so intentionallyâ¦ Since this is a horse blog, I should relate this to horses, even though this can be used in every aspect of your life as a tool. If your horse has a particular issue, problem or behavioral trait, use your wisdom to tackle it.

What is your horse trying to tell you? Does it hurt? Where does it hurt? Are you not being clear with what you want? Is your intent lacking in conviction? Are you asking for one thing and repeatedly getting another? Lastly, are you using your knowledge of horses, and not balancing that with your wisdom of horses? If any of this rings true to you, your life, your horse, take stock of all your knowledge and make sure you are using your whole to listen to your horse.

Our wisdom grants us the ability to see the whole of the good that surrounds us. The world is full of good, not just in situations pertaining to our horse, all to often we allow just the knowledge to overwhelm us.

Until next timeâ¦ Ride Arete!

Lost without you

teresa@darkhorsealaska.com — Tue, 13 May 08 07:02:00 UT

What thing or things in life are you lost without? Think about it right now. Please for me. When the universe makes you go through a time of difficulty faces you with challenges, what do you look to as your Polaris, your guiding star? What do you lean on? Yesterday was a new moon, a period of suspension that lasted all morning and then in the afternoon kicked the bucket into a Virgo moon which makes us very critical of ourselves.

This morning and last night I have been thinking about the things I am simply lost without. What prompted me to write is was that I got a message from one of my best friends this morning that she left last night. She said she was giving me a hug over the phone, a simple hug. And it made me cry. Perhaps Iâm over emotional, PMS does terrible things to a woman, but it allowed me to be touched by a 10 second phone call and made me realize that I would be lost without that person. I would also be lost without a certain horse Iâve owned for 18 years. When the going in my life has gotten rough Iâve gone to him to cry. Heâs seen me at my best and my worst. He doesnât always allow me to cry on him. Sometimes he shoves at me with his nose and tells me to pick up and move on. But yesterday he let me cry my souls tears. Carbon came into my life when my Polaris left me. He assumed that space.

Every person in your life has a function; they are part of a big agreement. What that agreement is we do not always know. There are some people who are lost without simply because they make us better people. My husband makes me a better person; itâs what I always hoped for in a partner. My eyes are clearer with him by my side. The world has no boundaries when Iâm by his side, and my heart has more depth than I ever thought it could hold. I would truly be lost without him.

So today, instead of being critical of ourselves let us think for a moment what we simply would be lost without. A thing, a person, an animal. Hold that person, item or animal softly in your minds eye, hold them gently in your hearts energy, and say thank you to their spirit. Then pick up the phone, go hug them if possible. Because the overcritical self with the overshadowing Virgo moon may have them in some space where you are their guiding star.

The Red Headed Judge - Part Deux

teresa@darkhorsealaska.com — Mon, 5 May 08 09:21:00 UT

Several years ago I wrote about being judgmental. Of ourselves, of others, of every single thing you can think about. It was a well-received piece â I got a lot of humorous feedback on it. Last week I was thinking about it quite a bit, which felt very out of the blue. Alas, it was not. Last week was a Saturn in retrograde and Saturn in Virgo week which we all know to be the inner critic, add to the mix that Saturn is always makes us feel like slackers and guess what you get? Now Iâm sitting here thinking to myself âohhhh THATâS why I was behaving so badly!â then again, I like to look at the stars as a guide, rather than blame them for things. I will get into the blame game shortly â first letâs attack and judge our judgments!

How many times a day do you form an opinion? Each time you form an opinion you are judging, every time you offer advice, post a response, or even classify and process information in your own mind you are judging without realizing it. I am one of the best judges of all, I judge anything and everything. The woman at the market whose buying items she shouldnât â JUDGED. The mediaâs opinions and scandals â JUDGED. I enjoy judging so much that I go online and find things to judge! Look at this blog for Peteâs Sakes itâs a judgment!

It isnât that all judgments are bad ones, or unhealthy either, we cannot escape judging things because it is what makes us human is being able to form opinions and own convictions. Notice how I used the word âownâ for convictions. You should own your convictions â your convictions should not own you. When you hold so tightly to an opinion or conviction you might just loose the ability to see the world with a bigger view. Over the last week Iâve experienced first hand what it is like to be judged. Iâm human and Iâm female so of course it donât enjoy it, but through the years Iâve learned to manage being judged with some grace and dignity and not get down in the mud with the pigs. However, I found myself doing to these people exactly what they were doing to me. I just considered myself in the right so I thought I was above it all just because I consider myself and opened minded person. Hell I write about spiritual growth donât I? I am not above anything Iâm on the same level as anyone else, high road or not. So what did I do? I got down in the mud with those pigs and got dirty, I enjoy being dirty more than most but I prefer it to be actual mud, not slogging in the pit. Shame on me. And here I am judging myself even as I write this! Do you see the vicious circle we are all amassed in?

Now about blame, or what I like to call, witch hunting in itâ finest form. When things donât go the way we like, or when we donât like someone we tend to use them as our scapegoat. When we blame someone or judge someone remember itâs yourself your blaming or judging. We tend to seek out in the world what we worry for within ourselves. Here I am again judging? I canât escape it!
In closing. The best thing you can do is be kind to yourself, but a word of caution. There is a balance to being Teflon and Blame Free and being over critical, may I judge yet again and say right in the middle is a good place to be?
Enough of this quandary for now, Iâm judging myself because Iâve been up since 5:30AM and am still in my jammies, and I am judging that I might need to get my rear in gear and get off my soapbox, and take a shower and was off some of the mud from the last week.

The Spritual Part of the Journey First

teresa@darkhorsealaska.com — Thu, 20 Mar 08 11:22:00 UT

A cloud does not know why it moves in such a direction or speed, it feels an impulsionâ¦ this is the place to go now. But the sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all the clouds, and you will know, too, when to lift yourself high enough to see beyond your own horizons. Richard Bach

What began as a simple discussion of The Alaskan Sweepstakes turned into a great escapade. I suppose thatâs how all ideas start, with a conversation. Not many families choose to spend their vacation traveling across their state, especially when their state is as big as Alaska. Not true of ours, we chose to do 1,400 miles across the State of Alaska with 24 potential Sweepstakes team dogs, and three snow machines. You would have to be crazy to take a family vacation with your family for that long right? My husband lived out most menâs worst nightmare â sharing what was jokingly called the Lindner Harem tent with his wife and little sister. Most men would rather sleep in the snow bank.

I could tell you here all the crazed details of our trip, from packing food for six people for 3 weeks, to ground storms, wildlife sightings and all things in between, because those events really do change your perspective. I promise that tale will come but this first. The entire trip changed me in many ways, some of which I wonât find out until later, some I know now. You never really now how much your adventures and journeys change you until you come home. Back to reality, back to your job, your desk, your car, your house, your day to day existence.

What I can say is testing yourself, doing new things, being brave, bold and not being afraid to live within the confines of your social status, physical abilities, or pressing emotional boundaries can expand your consciousness, and give you faith in the person you need to have the most faith in - Yourself. Because you obligation in life is to be true to yourself, any other obligation is false.

I canât yet say how much Iâve changed, but I know my thoughts are simpler. It seems for me at least that as a child my thoughts were simple, they got complex for quite a while as I broke down every single thing I had for morals, tore myself and my learning apart, now Iâm back to simple. I know what I love, I know what I cherish and I know the traits I want to grow within myself. My experience simplified a lot of things for me. Just how much I can go without, how much I can withstand, that pain does not kill you, and that a woman no matter how she is viewed is just as strong as a man, in ways beyond muscle structure.

I donât wish for everyone to do a 1,400 mile expedition across the State of Alaska; to be honest most of my friends think Iâm fanatical and certifiable for doing it and even I at times questioned how much I really wanted to be where I was. One particular moment was having to pee in 60 mph winds while hiding behind a snow machine. Not fun. But what I do wish for everyone is that something extraordinary comes in your path to give you the chance to do what I did. Some grand adventure, big decision, cataclysm or journey that forces you to realize how potent you are and how magical life is. Because even if you live every day with magic in you life, you still lose touch of the sheer overwhelming magnificence of the world when you donât shake yourself up once in a while.

So hereâs to you on your own expedition, wherever that may be. I promise the journey will come in written form, right down to every little ground storm and intimidating eventâ¦

Valentines Day - History and Humor

teresa@darkhorsealaska.com — Tue, 12 Feb 08 09:24:00 UT

I have always joked that Valentines Day is where hell and the holidays collide. Yes it's true this currently soft, sentimental and sweet red headed girl used to stomp around in stilletos being mean to boys on the most romantic of holidays by refusing their flowers. I've been on Valentines day strike my whole life actually, and I can't say why. Marriage has softened me in more ways than one, it seems as though I'm turning over a new candy heart...

St. Valentine himself who the holiday is named after is shrouded in mystery, the Catholic Church recognizes three saints that are close in common with St. Valentine. All three were martyred â which we all know isnât a fun way to meet your maker.

There is much speculation of course that it was a springtime Pagan tradition called Lupercalia, where a goat was sacrificed in the cave that Romulus and Remus were believed to be raised; sliced up, and men ran about a village slapping women with pieces of goat. The women didnât fear this on account of it believed to make them more fertile in the next year. Now that I learned that piece of knowledge the whole cards and candy thing donât seem so bad do they? A bit of jewelry and chocolate beats being slapped with raw meat any day.

Before I get too far off the subject, the Catholic Church in the desire to eradicate all of the Pagan traditions (the joke is on them, we still have Halloween!) proclaimed it Valentines Day. In honor of St. Valentine who some believe died in prison for marrying lovers in secret. The reason he married them in secret? Because Emperor Claudius II believed that single men made better soldiers and forbade young men from marrying. Intelligent donât you think? Good thing his army was so good, soldiering is a risky business, if you lose too many soldiers and legal procreation has been banned it makes it tough to rebuild an army donât you think?

At any rate, whoâs to say my speculation, is wrong and yours is right? Too much mystery, there is even a church in Ireland called Whitefriar in Dublin where on Valentines Day you can view a casket that is said to hold St. Valentines ashes.

The main point of this entire history lesson is this. Itâs a holiday of love, passion and celebrating that you have love in your life. So why not spread that love? Yes of course Iâm still going to bake a heart shaped cake, give a card etc. but this year instead of doing just that Iâm also going to be grateful that I have love in my life and pass a bit of it on. Like take a moment and be grateful that you are capable of being loved and that you are loveable. Perhaps the greatest gift of all is being loved, but the world is full of people who do not believe they are lovable for some reason or another. Why donât some of us this year reach out for a moment on the most âromantic day of the yearâ and help someone else understand that they are loveable? It could be an anonymous Valentine, or a bouquet of flowers send to someone who you know may deserve them. Ultimately â perform a gesture of love, because as above so below as within so without. What you send off, will come back to you. If you wish to be loved, do something that can help you love yourself.

And if those ideas fail you â you can always be thankful there isnât a boy you have a crush on chasing you with a strip of goat meat. I know I will be thankful of such a lack of event in my life, but I will also be holding you in the greatest most gentle light with the kindest of prayers.

What event, or decision, has made the most dramatic impact on your life?

teresa@darkhorsealaska.com — Fri, 8 Feb 08 07:34:00 UT

Two instances but with incredible commons. Men. Losing my father to cancer, and meeting my husband.

They have more in common than most think. By losing the man I held dearest and as my greatest hero, I gained respect and depth, courage, bravery and willingness to love. We all come here able to love, but sadly as part of the human experience we learn through calamities and discourse. I had always thought I was healthy, but my ability to love was deepened by loss despite what I thought I had obtained, there was room for growth.

My father meant more to me than any other human being other than my mom of course; he was my hero, my ideal, the ultimate archetype of man to me. All things; kind, generous, loving, rugged, and brave and a pioneer he was genuine and solid in his human strength. Losing him made that archetype even more concrete for me. Even now I hold what he was as a bar to judge others, which I shouldnât.

When I re-met my husband with that archetype deeply embedded in my ideals for a mate, it awoke all of the sensors and because I had felt loss, I was open to my husbands heart, I recognized all of those important things that he had within him, and I was brave enough to allow my normally guarded heart to fall madly, deeply and passionately in love with him even though we hadn't seen each other for 18 years and lived in different towns. This was something I was incapable of prior to experiencing loss. But loss and several years of viewing the event and trying to learn from it gave me the things I needed to not miss out on my lifeâs greatest opportunity.

We cannot change what is, but we can learn from it. I believe it was coined as "hardiness" am I correct? I miss dad, so much, but I cannot avoid the lesson that was placed in front of me because of the lack of him being here today. At best because of that event I have the love of my life which I hold to very dearly and not one single moment goes by for me that is taken for granted. I revel in each and every event, circumstance and moment. Nothing is lost, because Iâve experienced loss, I miss nothing in this life.

If any of you are willing to share; I would love to hear yours. Love and Light, T

The Golden Mare - A story of animal abuse

teresa@darkhorsealaska.com — Wed, 6 Feb 08 10:20:00 UT

The golden moments in the stream
of life rush past us and we see nothing
but sand; the angels come to visit
us, and we only know them
when they are gone.
George Elliot

When I first saw you your misshapen feet they were buried in mud, your coat was dirty, and I could see so many of your aching bones, and the mud hid some of your scars but some were so deep they made your coat stand up in places. You eagerly walked towards me somehow with joy in your step. You saw me and felt me coming; you walked through the mud with the shadow of what you used to be glowing behind you like a pale golden ghost. Green grasses an immaculate blond coat the color of the sunshine on wheat is what you were born to. You had all of your teeth then, before someone hit you hard enough that you lost some of them, you could keep your tongue in your mouth because you had all your front teeth. You did not have a dent in your cheek from the mallet they used on your head. You sides were not caved in before they broke your ribs. Your mane and tail were full and the color of fresh cream. You were born with great promise and I cannot imagine what you endured to put you were you are.

After all they had done to you; you still came to me and peered over the stop of your stall to kiss my cheek. You knew me; you knew who I was and where I had come from, you saw into my soul and how much I love all horses, regardless of what man made them into. Like any communicator a beacon of hope for those who have not been seen for what they really are for so long that even you may have forgotten. You knew me; you knew I would see what you really are. A golden heart the color of the coat you used to have and a far braver soul than anyone could envision. You came here an angel to endure what mankind gave you.

You left your hoof print on my heart with your lips on my cheek. Wherever you may travel, I hope that where you are now is safe and Iâm sure god will greet you like the angel you are when your time on this planet teaching us is through. I have said a silent prayer for your wellbeing every day since I met you for your peace and to bless your valiant soul. I will never forget you. You are a constant reminder of what horses suffer at the hands of a man or womanâs ego and our weakness as a race that we could allow such abuse and travesty to happen. You bear the scars of that ego on your hide and it makes me weep for you, it also makes me hold my own horses more dearly and makes me forward any abuse that crosses my path.

The planet is full of horses and animals like you. Horses that are not seen, that are misunderstood and because of that misunderstanding suffer abuse from their owners, horses that are not fed well, or live in confinement. You canât read this but you know that youâre still in my heart. This is for those of you that can read so you know the golden mareâs story.

Embrace me

teresa@darkhorsealaska.com — Mon, 21 Jan 08 14:01:00 UT

Not in my usual fashion. The lyrics to a sweet sweet song from a favorite music artist. No he's not just my favorite because he sings a song called "Sing Teresa Says" either about a girl who finds someone worthy of her love. ;) This song has a much deeper meaning... And it's beautiful too beautiful not to share.

Love.

Embrace Me
Greg Laswell

Oh wind, won't you sweep me up into the sky
So I can get a better look at this life of mine?
Pick me up and twist me around so I can see
Everything around me now.
Oh won't you embrace me?

Oh river won't you take me out into the sea
So I can get a good look back at the land that grounds me?
And then a bit more further out so I can feel alone
Much more than I have these days.
And then won't you embrace me?

I figure there is time,
Later on to move along from this,
There is time,
Enough of it for right and wrong
I figure there is time
So go easy on me,
And let me stay here a while...

The Bridge of Being and Being the Bonfire

teresa@darkhorsealaska.com — Thu, 17 Jan 08 07:47:00 UT

âDancing with uncertainty raises your confidence.â Linda Kohanov

As many of you know I celebrated 31 years yesterday. It was the best birthday I have had in a very long time. Due in part of course to a loving, and adoring husband that gives me queen class treatment every day but queen treatment with sparkles on my birthday. In addition to that, I rode all three of my horses. Yes all three from the oldest who possesses the most real estate in my heart, to the middle that holds my spirit and fires my imagination, to the newest who is finding her place in the herd. That of course means I also rode the newest member of the herd Emma, whom both she and I have been on the fence with since her arrival. I have this âthingâ when I back a horse for the first time, whether they have been ridden before, or not. In Emmaâs case â she has never been ridden. This âthingâ is really the horse telling me now is the time, I am ready. I call it a âthingâ because if I tell everyone I am listening to the horse talk they may burn me at the stake one of these days.

Someone once said âWhen we ride a horse, we borrow freedomâ. In my case itâs nothing short of bringing up magic from the rivers of the deep within my own soul and setting myself on fire. When riding a horse for the very first time, any horse, backed before, or not I always feel a heightened sense of awareness, a sense of being joined to the planet in a very deep and coupled way, as if my intuition of the old ages flows right under my skin, I feel like I glow. I used to worry that the horse would read that sensation as nerves, alas not a one ever has. In fact horses seem to relax with me when Iâm in that state. The head drops, their mouths work, the eyes soften which are all signs of a horse that has understood present information and accepted it.

What is that state? Throughout humanâs evolution we have had our emotions trained out of us. Men go to war, sacrifice, die and have been trained to cage their emotion. Women, stay home, nurture children, sacrifice for the weak, the sick and the family and we learn to listen to others, but not ourselves and our own needs. We are literally trained from the moment we enter society to not feel our instincts. There are so many of us who never lost our instincts, our intuition is still intact. To most of society people like me are âpsychicsâ, which may in part be true but not really. I just have not lost my senses, sensation of life or my connection with the planet and the beings upon it. I like many others still listen to the planet breath and feel connected to everything that inhabits it.

I have often wondered why some of us feel this burning desire to literally set ourselves on fire with our passions. Whether itâs making to the top of a mountain on your snowmachine or sitting on a horse for the first time that was bucking its brains out moments ago; and why when we do those things we feel more alive, more healed, more part of the planet. Individuals who are willing to set themselves afire will never cease to hold my respect, admiration and curiosity. Iâve also observed that these people usually are more in touch with their instincts, whether they are aware of it or not. Most of what their great success comes from a place of knowing when to act and when to be at peace, yet they may not realize until someone points it out or they endure a life changing event that sheds light upon it.

I will never stop wondering about this trait in humans, but I do know that I will never ever stop setting myself on fire. Want to borrow a match? I have several to give!

In honor of light and passion

teresa@darkhorsealaska.com — Thu, 3 Jan 08 07:47:00 UT

Passion, though a bad regulator, is a powerful spring.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I came in this morning from my chores, I had this grand idea of what I was going to write. It was good too, but it will come later. I first read an email from a dear friend of mine who used to be a daily fixture in my life and now sadly I see maybe once or twice a year for a quick lunch. She has held a belief of what lies in my capabilities for years, even though she is not a horse person, has only seen me work with them one time she believes in me just as much as my most cherished client. Her email touched me so deeply that she can think on such a grand scale for my future, her scale was bigger than even mine; it was nothing short of world domination. It made me feel as though I was selling myself short. Which comes as a surprise; Iâve always been a big dreamer with lofty goals.

Today we are under a Scorpio moon, which always draws intensity and usually of the internal sort, we are drawn to obsession like only a Scorpio can obsess. Iâm usually wary of these moons on account of it making me more concerned with someone elseâs behavior and than with my own. Which is of course the wrong way to reflect and later in the day you feel like a spoiled brat that had their favorite marker stolen in preschool. I had a night of horrible, bloody, graphic dreams, so many that maybe I should switch to writing horror instead of these, it would certainly be easier to just copy my dreams down instead of configure these wouldnât it? Iâm rambling.

So where am I going with this? Iâm getting there I promise. When I woke up today my first thought was that today is my dadâs birthday, and on days like this that my life is infused with his presence even though heâs no longer here I wake up thinking he is really alive. The reality hits me and it hurts all over again that he is not here, I will not see him today and I canât give him a hug anymore. All my intensity was drawn to that moment, and it was so powerful it shifted everything in my entire life for an instant. What was that shift created by? Passion â amplified by the Scorpio moon times ten. If we are capable of transforming an entire moment in our minds so much that we actually believe it is true, with that sort of thought surrounded with that much passion, why canât we transform our entire worlds and surroundings to what we require to make our grandest dreams come true? Why not? There is no reason, as The Secret says we are the most powerful transmission tower in the universe. What are you transmitting?

Iâm making a pact today to myself and to my dad who if he was here would help me nail every single nail into my gigantic secret dream that Iâm going to use that powerful transformative energy to build momentum in mega form towards my dream. It would be what he would want, because he believed in me just like some of my friends do and he wouldnât stand for me not dreaming big enough.

I still miss you dad, I always will, there will never be another to walk the planet quite like you. In your absence Iâve had to learn a lot about love, maybe you left so I could really learn what I needed about survival skills of love. Because love, even if immaculate, you still must learn how to survive how it transforms you.

Back on my path, back with obsession; only directed towards a powerful healing future instead.