Silly Thinking

ST News Flash

Sat, 11 Feb 06 15:03:00 UT

M&Ms Do Not Make You Horny

From Wikipedia

The rumor that these green candies are an aphrodisiac apparently started or first gained prominence in the 1970s, when students reportedly picked the green ones out of packages to feed to the objects of their desires. (At that time, an average of 10% of plain M&Ms and 20% of peanut M&Ms were green.) Why the green M&Ms were attributed with this power is unknown; perhaps it was because the color green has always been associated with healing and fertility. (The company itself routinely states that they "cannot explain any extraordinary 'powers' attributed to [green M&Ms], either scientifically or medically"; the same "powers" have also been claimed of green jelly beans and gummi bears.)

When red M&Ms were temporarily taken off the market after the FDA banned the use of red dye #2 in 1976, a rumor spread that the red ones were such a powerful aphrodisiac that M&M/MARS employees were pocketing them directly off the production line.

Mystery! Mystery!- It's Your Bed. Now Lie in It.

Wed, 8 Feb 06 20:35:00 UT

Welcome to Mystery! Mystery! Or should I say, "Leave now if you care to live!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I'm your host, Kevin Gibbs, star of the Internet and Google Searches, and this is MYSTERY! MYSTERY!

In tonight's episode of MYSTERY! MYSTERY! we find Douglas Lain acting as though life was one big party. We find him at a party he's throwing for himself in his Beverly Hills mansion. Little does he know he's about to fall into a...MYSTERY! MYSTERY!

Doug: Whoopee! A party. I wish there were other people here besides me.

Murderess: I'll join your party!

ARRRRRGGHHHH!!!

Oops. It looks like Douglas Lain fell prey to a MYSTERY! MYSTERY!

Mystery! Mystery!

It's the Chevy Chase Show

Fri, 3 Feb 06 14:22:00 UT
It's The Chevy Chase Show!

Starring:

It's just like a late night talk show, only it's on the internets!

Here's Chevy!

Hello and welcome to my new internet program. I'm in my front room and I have a camera here on my computer. Is it working?

Ah shit! The camera thing is...is this working?

There. Okay. My first guest is joining us via a chat room in Idaho. Minnie? Are you there?

What the hell is that. That's a cat picture.

LOL. OMG! cHEVy rulz! ;)

This is worse than the celebrity roast. What the fuck is this?

IMHO you suck!

Thank you for watching the Chevy Chase show! Tune in next week for more Chevy.

FUCK!

STTrivia Honor Farm

Mon, 21 Nov 05 02:29:00 UT

Itâs the all new ST Trivia Honor Farm!

Hereâs your host: The founder of ST, published author of "Last Weeks Apocalypse" coming out in 2006, and sought after lecturer and panel member, DOUGLAS LAIN!

DL: Hey! Hi everybody and welcome.Power to the people!
I hope you all have remembered to set your clocks back for Standard time. Fall down Spring up.
Welcome to the ST Trivia game âST Trivia Honor Farmâ. We call it an honor farm because you are on your honor not to look the answers up and play off the top of your head!

DL:Itâs time to reveal the answers to this weekâs ST Trivia Honor Farm questions:

Number One was: Julie Christie.

Two was: Gary Lockwood.

And three was: A TV Network.

Alright with the God damn applause.

DL: See you soon, and I want to remind everybody that âST Trivia Honor Farmâ is being shown to our fighting men and women oversees. Remember you are all winners! And the government is doing a great job.
And don't forget, you can pre order your copy of "Last Weeks Apocalypse" now before it's January release

ST PLAYS!!!!!

ST1 on 1: Henry Kissinger

Sat, 19 Nov 05 01:25:00 UT
STNews presents

ST1 on 1

Now, from our New York STNews World Headquarters in New Jersey is chief meterologist and your host, Connie Chung.

CC: Hello and welcome back to â1 0n 1â. Iâm Connie Chung.
With Colin Powell out, and Condoleezza Rice nominated as the new Secretary of State, we thought we would check with our old friend, an ST contributor, and a former Secretary of State under President Nixon, and Nobel Peace Prize winner, Doctor Henry Kissinger.
Good morning Doctor Kissinger.

HK: Vell, uhh, Good morning, uhh.. Connie Kong.

CC: Vell, er, well, Doctor Kissinger, Colin Powell is said to be the moderate voice in the Bush White House, and that his record will be tarnished by not standing for his beliefâs and, instead, becoming a water carrier for this administration.

HK: Vell, my little poopsy, you know, uhh, vell, uhh, Powell is a good man, I mean, you know, Da Secretary of State is not de President, you knowâ¦

CC: Yes, but Mister Doctor Secretary, when you served in the Nixon White Houseâ¦

HK: Yes, vell, he was a nut job.

CC: Granted. But didnât you state your views instead of buckling under? I mean. would you have gone to the U.N. and lied, knowingly?

HK: Vell, honesty and honor, I mean, what are youâ¦ I mean, where do you live?

CC: I get it.

HK: Dis is Bush America, he makes Nixon look like Thomas Jefferson.

CC: Now, Doctor Kissinger, your not in the country right now, where are you?

HK: In da Sudan.

CC: Are you there on a diplomatic mission?

HK: Ha ha. No. Iâm on my book tour.

CC: In the Sudan?

HK: They are voracious readers, here. Great untapped market.

CC: Whatâs the book?

HK: Oh, da book? Ya, âI, Henryâ. Itâs my autobiography of me.

CC: As you travel around the globe, how do you find America fairing internationally?

HK: Vell, people like the American people, vell, not so much anymore. In fact the people of America and policies of the government have become one for the first time.
Itâs all bad. Remember Papa Doc in Haiti?

CC: Yes.

HK: Vell, worse than that.

CC: Ohâ¦ dear. And do you think Condeelleezza Rice will make a good Secretary of State?

HK: Yes. I met her at a Standard Oil luncheon on the environment a few years ago. After we all laughed our heads off, we talked. She is not a dummyâ¦

CC: Thank youâ¦

HK: â¦but dry as a bone. I mean no sexuality at all. No moisture.

CC: OK.

HK: Iâve never seen anything like it. No sexual thoughts. None.

CC: Interesting. Thank you Henry Kissinger.

HK: Mamie Eisenhower was moister.

ST ISâ¦ moist!

NEW ST FEATURE: The STQuestion of the Week

Fri, 18 Nov 05 02:32:00 UT

There are questions that no one seems able to answer. So every week on the STQuestion of the Week we will pose a question and ask you to respond. If anyone gets the right answer that person wins a guest appearance on STTrivia Honor Farm!

Here's today's ST Question of the Week:

When the hijackers took over the planes on 9/11 they turned off the transponders which connect the planes location with radar on the ground. Todays question is:

Why is there a switch to turn the transponders off? What purpose does it serve?

I hope someone can solve that mystery. Post your answers at our "comments" promp.

ST QUESTIONS.....

All New! STTrivia Honor Farm

Thu, 17 Nov 05 01:34:00 UT

Itâs the all new ST Trivia Honor Farm!

Hereâs your host: The founder of ST, published author of a new book coming out in 2006, and sought after lecturer and panel member... DOUGLAS LAIN!

DL: Hey! Hi everybody and welcome.Power to the people! Thank you. Thank you very much. Welcome to the new ST Trivia game âST Trivia Honor Farmâ. We call it an honor farm because you are on your honor not to look the answers up and play off the top of your head!

DL: Thank you. Hereâs how it works. Every week weâll give you some brain twisting movie trivia questions that you can answer right here at our âCommentsâ prompt, right here on your very own computer. Then, on the following Sunday, weâll post the right answers and declare the winner who will be our defending champion and play against all comers the following week. The champion who lasts the longest gets a fabulous ST Gift Basket of magnificent prizes! HOW DOES THAT SOUND?

DL: Alright letâs play todayâs game with our first fastest finger question.

In "The Demond Seed"

what actress is terrorized by an out of control home computer intent on murder?

A- Sally Field
B- Suzanne Pleshette
C- Karen Black
D- Julie Christie

Number Two. What actor is killed by HAL

the computer in the film "2001: A Space Odyssey"?

A- Gary Lockwood
B- Stuart Whitman
C- Richard Anderson
D- Will Hutchins

And finally: A massive computer threatens researcher Katharine Hepburn's job in "Desk Set".

Where does she work?

A- Encyclopedia Brittanica
B- A TV Network
C- UNIVAC
D- The Federal Office of Information

DL: Alright, donât forget to post your answers at our comments prompt.
Good luck everybody, and to our fighting men and women oversees, you are all winners!
Good night!

ST Plays!!!!

A Special Announcement from Connie Chung

Wed, 16 Nov 05 02:36:00 UT
STNews presents

CC: Hello and welcome back to Silly Thinking.

Some of you may have heard that I will be leaving ST to join my husband Maury Povich for a new show on MSNBC in January. That's true, we will be doing a weekly news review program for the cable news outlet, and I will be leaving my post as senior anchor here at ST at the end of this month.
I have had a great run here at Silly Thinking and appreciate all the support you, the viewers, have given me, but new challenges are always good challenges as Donald Rumsfeld has said. I wish I could take all of you with me, and I will miss my colleagues, Jim Farris, Bill Pullman, and others who have made my stay here so memorable, but you wil hear more aobut that at the end of November when I return to real journalisim with Maury Povich. SO when news breaks, and for another two weeks, this is COnnie Chung, ST News, stay with us.

ST NEWS ISSSSS HIDEF!

It's All New STHD!

Tue, 15 Nov 05 01:13:00 UT

Hi and welcome to ST now in HI DEF!!!!

Yes ST is all new, with all new graphics, all new HIGH DEFINITION artwork and graphics, and new excitng
formatting that
will
BLOW

YOUR

MIND!!!!

The old ST looked like this....

and this.....

and even this!!!!

But the all new STHD looks like this...

and this...

and even this!!!!!

STHD ISSSSSS!!!!!!!!!

An STMovie Special! "Red Dawn"

Mon, 14 Nov 05 01:41:00 UT
STAll American Movie Spectacular:

Tonight!

Charlie Sheen â¦

and Patrick Swayze star
in the political action adventure thrillerâ¦

âRed Dawnâ

(The following film has been altered as follows:
Edited for time and content.
Reformatted to fit this screen.)

One fine day Cuban Commies land in Colorado, in a move to take over the United States by force.

They imprison the population.

But miss eight high school students who call themselvesâ¦

THE WOLVERINES!

The Wolverines head into the dense forest and launch terrorist strikes against the commie occupiers.

The commies retaliate.

But the WOLVERINES win back the town and save the USA!

Here is a random shot of fireworks.

ST IS you place for movies, and remember ST returns tommorow All New!

Bloggers!

Sun, 13 Nov 05 03:06:00 UT
âBLOGGERSâ

(âBloggersâ is recorded in front of a live audience)

Heâs a Conservative Christian Activist
(Marjoe Gortner)

and heâs so far left he thinks Howard Zinn is working as a stooge for the White House.
(Al Franken)

When their wives leave them and they move into an apartment together itâs a wacky Cyber Odd Couple or as we like to call themâ¦

âBloggersâ

(The Bloggers Apartment)

J: I LOVE TOM DELAY!

A: YOUâRE AN IDIOT!

J: HEâS AN ANGEL AND YOUâRE AN AGENT FROM THE DEVIL!

A: HE HAS TACITLY ENDORSED KILLING JUDGES!

J: GOD SAYSâ¦

Doorbell: (Ding Dong).

J: COME IN.

TD: Hello.

J: TOM DELAY!!!!

A: TOM DELAY? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?

TD: I wanted to come by and thank Jon for helping me fight Satan.

J: GOD BE PRAISED!!!

A: Fight Satan? Your fighting the Democrats.

TD: Thatâs what I said. Thanks John.

J: I LOVE YOU TOM DELAY!

TD: And I love all of you who have helped me fight Satan.

A: Hey, what about your illegal campaign payoffs to your own family?

TD: Keep fighting Satan.

J: TOM DELAY! Get down on your knees with me!

TD: I gotta go.

A: (Sigh.)

J: A FUCKING MEN!!!!!

Silly Thinking Returns!

Fri, 11 Nov 05 02:23:00 UT
Hi Silly Thinkers!

Silly Thinking returns from hiatus Tuesday, November 15th, all the fun features you love plus all new adventures.

Until then enjoy The Best of Silly Thinking and thanks for joining us.

STSFX Knock on Wood

Mon, 7 Nov 05 11:58:00 UT

STS/FX

Here is your host, Peter Graves.

PG: Joey Snider and Lester have been entertaining the world for thirty years. But behind the scenes they donât get along. Lets visit them in their dressing room, backstage in a fashionable hotel, not in Las Vegas or New York, but just to the south of STS/FX.

(A Fashionable hotel)

(Dressing Room)

JS: Yeah Bobby. Look Iâve got you on the speaker phone.
What do you mean why?

Lester:

JS: Because your our agent, thatâs why. And I thought Lester and I should hear what you have to say.
Look, this is a nice place. But, come on, were stars. Not an opening act.
I mean Tiffanyâs great, but frankly, not exactly a big draw.

L: Sheâs past her prime.

JS: No, that was Lester. Yes I agree. Look we need better bookings.
Well do what you can. Goodbye.

L: You werenât firm enough.

JS: Look, quit criticizing me. I did what I thought was best.

L: Criticizing? I wasnât criticizing. I just thoughtâ¦

Tiffany: Hi guys!

JS: Tiffany. Great to see you.

T: Yeah great. Knock âem dead tonight you two.

JS: OH. You know us.

T: Yeah. Uh, Lesterâ¦

L: Yeah?

T: Are we still on for that late supper in your suite after the show?

L: Yeah sweet cakes. Canât wait.

T: Groovy!

L: Alright kitten. Your great.

T: see you studley. Bye Joey.

JS: Bye Tiffany. Lester, your going out with Tiffany after the show?

L: Yeah. Sheâs hot.

JS: But you just said sheâs past her prime.

L: Thatâs business. But sheâs whatâs available and sheâs hot tonight.

JS: You are cold man.

L: Donât criticize me. Just because your small and old and donât get any.

JS: You bastard. You donât care about anybody but your self. I ought to take your head off.

L: Donât touch me Joey. Donât come near me you putz. Or Iâll take your head off.

JS: Yes sir.

L: Thatâs better. You know, Iâd like to direct.

PG: Well, whose the dummy? Thatâs for you to decide. Iâd like to thank our guests tonight: Danny as Lester,
Judge Reinhold as Joey and special guest Tiffany as herself.
See you next time on STS/FX.

ST Classic Rerun, ST Showcase; Lids!

Sun, 6 Nov 05 20:01:00 UT

ST SHOWCASE

Here's your special guest host: Scott Baio

SB: Hi everyone, I'm Scott Baio.
ST's fall season is right around the corner, and were really excited about all new episodes of "4 Is Enough", 1 on 1, A Few Moments With Dead Celebrities, and many more of your favorite ST features. Plus a whole new season of ST Movies, and some brand new features you'll be hearing a lot about, like "Doctors and Nurses Hospital", Silly Thinking's first drama series, and many more.

ST had to cut through hundreds of series ideas and pilots to put together their new fall season, I ought to know, two series I purposed weren't bought. Ha ha. I'm not bitter though.
One comedy series pilot that just missed ST's exciting new schedule was "Lids" starring Academy Award winning actress Louise Fletcher as a hippie mom with two thirty something grown sons who all live in suburbia. The twist is, they all sell dope!
This thing is a riot! So watch and enjoy this ST special presentation of "Lids"!

(Lids is recorded before a live studio audience)

LIDS

The Frankel Home.

Tom and Bobby's bedroom.

TF: Bob, Bobby, where are you?

BF: Tom is that you?

TF: Yeah it's me, who'd you think it was, Sadaam Hussein?

BF: Close, I thought it was Mom.

TF: Where are you hiding?

BF: Dude, I'm under the bed. Is Mom home?

TF: No, she's at her meditation class. Come out from under there.

BF: Dude, we are so toast.

TF: I don't like it when you say "we". What happened?

BF: Remember that pound I was going to bag for Mom's garden club?

TF: Duhh. Yeah. She?s only been talking about it for two months. "This is the best buzz they'll ever have" I'm sick of it.

BF: Yeah well, I had the baggies ready and everything, so I thought I'd try a taste and...

TF: I don't like where this is going Bobby.

BF: Jeez, and I haven't even got to the bad part yet.

TF: I was afraid of that.

BF: Really? Man your like, a psychiatrist or something.... Man...

TF: Never mind. What happened?

BF: I dunno. I put some in the pipe and the next thing I know the pound is gone and I?m under the bed. Mom's going to kill us!

TF: You Bobby. She's going to kill you. Not us. You.

BF: Ahh come on, I....

M: Boy?s I'm home! Oh here you are.

BF: Hello mother dear.

M: How are my big strong, strapping, out of work, no account bum, drug selling slacker sons, that only a mother could love, today?

TF: Well Mom, Bobby's got something to tell you.

M: There's nothing you can say that will make me mad today. I found the center of my shakra at class, and my Yogi said all he saw was love.

BF: Really? Cool! I lost your pound of primo for the garden club.

M: You did. I'm not mad.

BF: Wow. Cool.

M: No. I love the ax I'm about to get out of kitchen to SPLIT YOU HEAD OPEN!!!!

ST Is your place for comedy. Join
Doug Lain for "4 Is Enough", Wednesdays.

A Message from Silly Thinking

Sat, 5 Nov 05 16:32:00 UT

Hi Silly Thinkers. All of us at ST thank you for your support and want to say we will be back with more ST soon.

We have had a disruption in on line service and hopefully will be back within the week.

We appreciate your support and invite you to post any ideas or comments.

Again, Stay Silly Thinking! And we thank you for your patience.

-ST Staff and Management.

ST IS!!!!