It's been a bad morning.

It was a bad morning by about 5:15am.

It started with hating everything in my closet.

I know I'm pregnant. I realize that I'm supposed to gain weight. But after working to lose a bunch of it in the first place, it's been very disheartening to watch the numbers on the scale go back up to places I vowed they would never ever be again. And there's precious little I can do about it.

True, I do need to exercise even more. And I started back into physical therapy last week because when I *do* do my exercises I find that I have trouble walking and standing. Which is not happy and not prone to making me want to work out. But I have been. And I do need to get back to how/what I was eating during my first trimester. Just because I am pregnant doesn't mean I really can go crazy on the food. It's weird how during this time, people are encouraging me to eat (cause "the baby wants it") and I don't have to worry about sucking in my gut like usual. And yet...

Then, the drive into work that I normally love on Thursdays (because I can now watch the sun come up and see that wonderful Blue period of the day. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I strongly suggest getting up early and experiencing it!) was semi-destroyed by a***hole drivers who can't figure out how to adjust their headlights. So I got to be blinded from at least 5 people behind me and several ahead of me. And the ones behind me took forever to pass, even when I slowed waaaaaay down to let them.

And then I got to the railroad tracks. A train was passing so obviously a bunch of us stopped and waited. But then it was done. And the gates stayed down. And me being the brilliant woman that I am knew that meant another train was coming. But dumba** in front of me felt that waiting any longer was unreasonable. So he blew drove around the gates anyway. And dumba** behind me (who also had his lights misadjusted) also decided it was too long to wait. And just as he got to the gates, the train was just about there. And he went anyway. So I got to get my adreneline all pumped because I honestly didn't think the guy would make it. Especially since these are the worst tracks I have ever, ever seen. But he did. And for whatever reason, people running the tracks/gates/stop really just piss me off.

And when I got into work, the printer/copier wasn't working. Which, while minor cause I can use the slooooooow one on the other side of the building, just didn't help my mood.

And since I'm having my glucose test today, I'm not supposed to have any sugars. Like soda. So no caffeine. So I'm tired and not really waking up at all - just in a semi-surreal state. I wouldn't doubt that I'll start hallucinating a bit later on (as I tend to do that when I get really really tired).

AND. It's the end of May. Which while a happy thing for those of you who have sucky Mays, also means that the worst memories of the month for me are just about here. Saturday marks 17 (17!!!!) years since one of my very best friends died. She has now been gone longer than she was alive. With all the goofy hormones raging through me, coupled with the fact that I've been unbelievably nostalgic recently, it's been pretty hard. I know it's been so many years but I'm still sitting here, at work, at my desk, with tears streaming down my face; hoping no one stops by.

Damn.

This is going to be a looooong day....