NOTICE: Postings in this journal are intended for adults as they may contain adult situations and language.

I've worked out of my home since 2001. I won't lie and say the events of 9-11 is the reason, but I will say I can't get it out of my head. I'm sure a lot of people feel the same way. I watch a plane fly overhead and wonder how fast I could move if it started to come down. In which direction? Would I make the right decision? And if both my sons were in harms way, which one would I grab first?

I've always been a loner and lately it's getting worse. I don't want any outsiders anywhere near my home. This is the only place I feel somewhat safe and I won't have my safety tresspassed upon.

I've joined the club of unemployed again. It's getting harder and harder to find work where I can do it in the somewhat safety confines of my home. I work because I have to. Right now, I must be at home for my kids. But come August, both boys will be in public school. The thought of having to go out and work scares the shit out of me. It takes everything within me to step out that door each day. Why do I feel like this?

I don't have "real" friends. No one to talk to on the phone and no one to go places with. I have neighbors who wave and I wave back as I make a dive back through the doorway.

This laptop and the internet are the only reasons I have people I can chat with and again, all out of the safety of my home.

Both my boys are on baseball teams through our church. They looked forward to each practice and game and I love to see them smile. When it's time to practice/play, I muster up everything inside me and make that appearance to each outing. For 90 minutes, I scream and holler "run!" and "slam it outta here" with the best of them. I clap no matter what the outcome and continually reinforce how very proud I am of them. My youngest will wave meekly at me from second base while my oldest will give me the thumbs-up and a wink to let me know he's doing okay. He's the one I've homeschooled this past year. He just wasn't ready to venture into public (and boy, I could relate to that one!) and I provided the net around him until he felt comfortable with the idea of going to school with his brother.

Once they're both in school I should have more time for my writing. If I had more time to write, I could sell more. If I could sell more, I wouldn't have to worry about getting the ultimate work-at-home job. I would be doing what I love, getting paid for it and not feel guilty about doing it when I really should be doing something more important like dishes, laundry or some other household chore.

So, what's all the rambling about that I'm doing this chilly morning, anyway?

Hell if I know.



Be sure and look for my stories in the following anthologies:

THE HOLLER – The Fear Within – 3F Publications

THE FEAR – Femmes de la Brume – Double Dragon Publishing

CHICKEN – Scary! Holiday Tales to Make You Scream –
Double Dragon Publishing

FOR THE LOVE OF FRIENDSHIP - Tales From the Gorezone - Apartment 42 Publications


All titles can be found and purchased at www.shocklines.com

www.elizabethpeake.com