Weather: rainy

Reading: Just finished Tuesdays With Morrie, Mitch Albom. I recommend it, but have a few handkerchiefs handy.

Knitting: a scarf (all the better to avoid the green sweater, my dear)

I couldn't sleep last night at all, and I should have been able to since I was tired. We went out - not a common thing at all - and stayed up late - also not a common thing - and drank and played Scrabble. I didn't understand why I coulnd't get to sleep, and when I did drift off I didn't stay under. Then in the morning I found my nighttime pills in a neat little pile on the kitchen counter. Then today I was sneezing, and one of the pills i take at night is for allergies. I must be pretty dependent on those things. I want to be independent. I want to be well. Mostly I *am* well, but there are these small tings I have to take these darned pills for, and apparently I need them. Very tired today. Going to bed. Good night, audience of three. Four, counting myself.

Today was my grandmother's birthday. She died in about 1991, so I haven't seen her in a long time. I thought about her today, though, and didn't remember that it was her birthday until just now. She taught me the Lord's Prayer and the Hail Mary and the Glory Be and several naughty words in German. She taught me to wash my feet before bed always, no matter what, even if you don't have a chance to wash anything else. She taught me to never say shit because that was the dirtiest thing there was. I didn't learn that lesson well at all. She was a tough lady, and she was funny, and she didn't take any crap off of kids. Actually, she did, but she pretended she didn't and you knew where you stood with her, how far you could go. Whoever she was with was the favorite grandchild, but they didn't know it at the time. She'd run you down to your face, but you always knew that you rated high with Grama. I know I did, anyway. She talked about the other grandkids to me, the cousins, not my brothers or sister, and I wanted to be like them. But I knew that she talked about me to them, and I knew that she really thought I was the best.