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2009-09-13 2:05 AM Blah-g #145 Previous Entry :: Next Entry |
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neko is sad because neko hasn't seen OWNER for two weeks straight since last friday. But hopefully neko will see OWNER on Tuesday which is next day off of work for OWNER. Not much else. neko is still cleaning neko's room and its hard >.< but is nice because neko is finding all kinds of awesome stuff in the room, like finding a mic for the compy, a tape recorder for EVPs and other neat shit. Now for a ranting. Why is it that Im fucking 20 years old and I dont go out with friends (yes Im talking about IRL) I dont go out to movies (rarely), I dont get to just leave the house for a couple of hours and just hang out. Why? Yet my brother is 18 and he gets to leave and do all that shit and more and fuck he even gets money to go out and I dont get shit! I dont get jack fucking shit! I hardly spend time with Kuma (What I call Owner when not speaking in a BDSM context) and Im gonna fucking marry Him next year. I understand it's hard for Him to see me because He works so much and Im in college and we have no money but when either of us do have money we still cant see each other why? Because my brother already left and leaves me to watch the two young baby brothers. It's not fair. I want to live my own life but I cant because my family is holding me back. How? With guilt among other things. And I just dont know what to do anymore. It's frustrating, and it hurts so much that I need to find ways to make the pain go away. I know im prolly sounding like an emo fag bitching and shit but its true. I mean there's a lot of people who might be in the same situation and there's no one they can talk to. Shit I cant even talk to Kuma about this because all he says is that I need to leave and He doesnt understand that even though I really want to I just cant get up and leave. sigh I just dont know what to do. Rant end. |
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