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2010-07-21 11:28 PM Blah-g #186 VENT Previous Entry :: Next Entry Read/Post Comments (0) |
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Ok I am fucking pissed! I swear to fucking god man. Yes I know I said GOD. WHO GIVES A FUCK! My mom tells me to call her as much as I can and SHE DOESN'T FUCKING ANSWER THE FUCKING GOD DAMN PHONE! It pisses me the fuck off because she complains when I don't answer the phone and ARGH! /vent I feel fucking depressed to do anything because I'm going back home. I'm scared that Master will have to come back to PA while I'm in Cali. And for those of you who were following me since before October of last year you'd know that Master had been in PA for 6 months til my 21st birthday and that shit was hard. Not being with him. I mean yeah we talked all the time, chatted and texted but it wasn't enough for me. I need part of the physical aspect of our relationship and I don't know if I can be strong enough to handle that kind of separation again. I don't even want to think about it. Geez. I'm having other emotional problems about my body and my sexuality. I'm happy in a monogamous hetro relationship but my brain and body are telling me I want more but with Master and a beta who would be submissive to Master yet dominate to me. I am at the point where I hate being bisexual. I fucking wish I was straight so I wouldn't have to deal with these depressive and conflicting thoughts and emotional turmoil! I'm sad that I'll have to leave Splotches, Morpheus and Hypnos when I go back to CA. I don't want to but I have too because one none of them are registered and Splotches is fixed but I still need them to have their shots and proof of Ownership. I'm gonna miss them all, even though I know Master's mom will take good care of them I dunno I'm just gonna miss them and even knowing that they'll be taken care of it doesn't help much. I hate my fucking computer. It pisses me off. It keeps saying that somethings wrong with it but when I scan it theres nothing wrong. I've downloaded GIMP but that shit isn't working on my laptop so if anyone with Vista Ultimate with a working GIMP please let me know what you did to get it to work. Every time I start it up it says NOT RESPONDING and closes. And then I can't use the Oekaki feature in Mangabullet. And that shit is fucking pissing me the fuck off too. I need to downgrade my java to 5 instead of the java 6 I have. I dunno. I just feel so depressed. I wish I could talk to my friends, yeah I love Master and all but there's just other stuff I want to talk about that I cant really talk to Master about like art stuff or girl stuff (for the female friends). Yay for suicidal depressive feelings. :| sarcasm. ---------------- Now playing: Various Artist - Friends On The Other Side |
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