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2013-03-26 10:05 PM
Ink Blot #282

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Today I was woken up by cats in my room. That was pretty damn annoying. I also took my first of the 150mg of Zoloft. I really can't tell if its helping. I'm still picking at my chapped lip skin and the skin off my fingers.

I decided to watch Watership Down while I ate lunch. I don't get what's so sad. I mean yeah there's a bunch of death but *shrugs* maybe it's coz I'm already desensitized to the violence, who know's. Not me that's for sure.

I then took a four hour nap. I'm still pretty tired. I didn't realize how much going to the doctor's by myself drained out of me. I mean I've only been up for about three hours and I want to just curl back in my blankets and pillows and go back to sleep. I can hear them calling me to sleep. Now if only they'd do that every night so I don't have trouble sleeping.

I got free rabbit pellets today. I kinda had to make my own hamster mix since we're low on cash and hamster food isn't exactly cheap. So I mixed the pellets with some bird seed, and it seems to be like regular hamster food.

John went to Weis' to get my Zoloft and some other stuff. The rabbit food was marked for 3.39$ but the lady at the register rang it up as 3.59$, and she asked him if he wanted the 20cents back, and he read the return/customer service sign so they're going to credit the 3.59$ back to the account and I got free food for Marshy.

Loki obviously provides.

Ok. Let's get this straight. I love Marvel!Loki. I have a shit fuck ton in common with Marvel!Loki.

But I do NOT worship Marvel!Loki.

Ever since I could read I've always been interested in the Gods and Goddesses of old. I loved reading about Greek, Roman, Egyptian, Norse and Aztec Gods and Goddesses. At first for the longest time I only knew of Loki as the Trickster and that his children The Midgard Serpent, Fenrir the Wolf, and Hel(a) would bring about the end of the world.

That was about it. Thor, Odin, Frigga, Freyja and Freyr were more popular so I read about them more.

I've been on different spiritual "horses" so to speak. I grew up with my dad's side Catholic and my mom's side Christian or Jehova Witness. So as a young kitten I was forced to observe those religions. They definately were not for me.

When I was in high school, being the only goth, in a school of wanna be gansters; I was shunned and even terrified some of the staff. I came to be known as "The Goth Girl". My love of wearing all black and listening to music that was nowhere near mainstream got me called "witch", "Satanist", "satanic vampire witch" and a whole slew of other horrible names.

It was a few years after that, that I got The Satanic Bible by Anton LaVey. It resonated with me. I realized that much of what I think of the world was written in this book. Shortly after that I started looking at other books and websites and realized that just like any other religion there are people who think they're better than everyone else.

I opted out of "LaVeyan Satanism", though I do still hold some of his beliefs to heart. I started getting into Wicca. That too resonated with me but being the poor person I am, unable to get even the most basic of tools, I kind of just let it go. I still collected books when I could, read various websites and did what I could.

I know you're supposed to be silent about stuff when it comes to Witchcraft and what not because the more people you tell the more it lessens the potency of your spell. But I need to explain why I believe in what I believe in.

A few years ago, I had one of the worst Halloween's ever. I got almost no candy, and it just sucked over all. The next day, my mum took me to Michaels because she had a coupon for some bake stuff she needed. I decided to look around the Halloween stuff that was left over. That's when I saw it. It was a large black candle. It had a fairly big metal skull with an ornate frame around it. It was covered in black glitter. I wanted it, no, I needed it. Thankfully it was half off so I got it for 1.50$ after numerous price slashes. I put it on top of my bookshelf with my porcelain dolls. There it kind of just lived for another few Halloweens.

Finally one Halloween, it felt like a whim to me, but I'm sure there were other forces at work; I took the candle down and did an impromptu spell using candy, the candle and a made up spell. I let the candle burn for a few minutes while I got dressed and blew it out.

That night my Halloween bag was almost filled to the top with candy. I set out one of the best candies I got on top of the candle. It was amazing. It was then I realized, I don't need to follow instructions from other Witches or from their spell books (unless I wanted too). I could make up my own and it would be just as strong and would work as long as I believed in what I was doing.

Anyways to cut the story short, for the longest time I was toying with the idea of making the Norse Gods and Goddesses my main deities.

And to be honest, I had only seen pictures of Marvel!Loki before I actually watched the movie Thor. I actually thought he was pretty ugly. But then last year before I moved to Williamsport, I watched Thor and I fell head over heels for Marvel!Loki.

Then in November I went to the ER. I got a call from my now ex I guess he would be called, saying after 7 years that he was breaking up with me. Never have I wanted more to die in that moment. I had Alice (his mother) take out all the sharp objects from the room. I lost it. I couldn't be in the room.

I ended up checking myself into a voluntary 72 hour suicide watch. I was sent to another hospital where they had what is now called "Behaviour Health" ward. But for all the pretty wording it was a psych ward. Mental ward. I was there for 5 days. Now I know that doesn't seem like a lot of time but for me it felt like prison. I had to get up when they wanted me up. I had to eat what they served. I had to go to their little groups. I had to pretty much do as I was told. I hated it. In those five days I thought I was going to lose my mind.

On the night of the second day, I felt the presence of the Norse Loki. He comforted me. Never have I felt such a thing. It was amazing. I truly believe I was visited by a God and that he has saved my life.

Now I know I'm not what you'd call a "Lokean" or a "Godspouce" because from that people may assume I'm just Schizo or something. But I'm not. I know what happened, and it has only bettered me. I also don't worship Loki as many other Lokeans might. But again that is my personal preference. What may work for you may not work for me and vice versa, what works for me may not work for you.

Besides I have very limited funds, I am not allowed to drink alcohol and a few other restrictions. So I'm doing the best I can and Loki knows that.

Ha. I forgot the point of this whole post. I kinda just started to ramble.

Anyways I guess I should try and wrap this up. Tomorrow is a full moon. I have some gemstones to charge/consecrate, and I'm going to Dedicate myself to Loki.

I'm so excited. I can hardly wait. I'm sure it's going to go very well.

So basically the TL:DR of my post I love Marvel!Loki he's super hawt! I worship Norse Loki. I don't confuse the two.

I guess that's about it for now.

~May Loki be with you, my deviously devious deviants.

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